My mum owns her semi and has a moderate amount of savings. I am my mums main carer. I get to organise carers, mop up the unmentionables, do the food shops, get called upon when there are health problems. When she is feeling down or poorly I am there.
I have a brother who lives in Spain. He calls her twice a day. In normal, non COVID times he comes to visit her about 3 times a year. He stays for 4/5 days each time.
That’s the background.
I believe mum has dementia which presents itself in many different ways.
For the last year or more mum has made an express wish that’s she wants me to have more of her money than my brother as I do everything for her.
I told her that I could not accept anything unless it was agreed with my brother (even though I accept and agree with her thoughts !).
Recently we agreed that she would give me £15000, but only if my brother knew.
She says she spoke to my brother to say that she wanted me to have more of her money. She says that my brother said ‘why don’t you just buy her a car’ and the £15000 suited the bill. Hence this amount.
The amount was transferred but I insisted that she told my brother that it had happened.
She then told him she had paid me £1,500 to which he apparently said that I could not buy a very good car for that amount. I insisted that she call him to tell him it was 15000 and not 1500.
During these negotiations I did not talk to my brother about the amounts as I found I quite awkward and also it was not my decision.
Tonight I have spoken to my brother who tells me he had no conversations with my mum about any car.
He says he is ok with the £15000 as long as it’s what mum wants. I am now beginning to question if I should pay the money back. I know it’s what she wants but I worry if I would be taking from a woman with dementia who can’t be relied upon for decision making,
Betty65 Sat 01-Aug-20 21:46:06
geekesse Sat 01-Aug-20 21:56:22
lemongrove Sat 01-Aug-20 21:57:39
Peardrop50 Sat 01-Aug-20 22:21:48
Hithere Sat 01-Aug-20 22:50:49