Compensation for Mum's care

Thats lovely cheryl it’s nice to be told how much they appreciated all you did, more importantly I’m sure that your Mum appreciated it too.

That's an excellent outcome Cheryl helps you and you have improved relationships with your family. You can move on now and know you cared well for your Mum.

Thanks for getting back with the outcome, so often we never know how situations resolve.
Have a happy future.

What a good outcome. I'm so glad you and your sisters have mutually come to such an amicable agreement.

cheryl55 how lovely that your kindness to your mum, and then your siblings acknowledging this, has brought you closer together.

Thank you for returning to tell us about it. I am SO glad it has worked out well for you.
I hope you have many happy days with your sisters in future and that you all become a truly positive part of each other's lives.
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I’m glad that agreement has been reached in a way that suits everyone. For general information can I point out that Attendance Allowance is paid to the person who is in need of care, not the carer. It is a very common misconception. How the Attendance Allowance is used is entirely up the recipient. In many cases it is given to whoever is providing the care. Carers Allowance is a separate benefit, for the carer, if they satisfy the entitlement conditions.

Well, here's my update. Us sisters have had some very amicable discussions, and it's been decided (thanks to Grannybags for the suggestion) that they will fund the total re-decoration of "Mum's" room in my house, including new carpets.
This will very helpful, as the room was in danger of becoming a "shrine" to Mum. I don't want to erase her memory (far from it) but the room needs to be returned to use as a guest room.
I will also have an increased share of the Estate..no invoice.

I should mention that my sisters had written some beautiful Thank You letters for the time I looked after Mum. There is no animosity, in fact we are getting on better than in a long time. This is great, because losing Mum left a big hole in my life.

Thank you for all the replies. x

Please listen to the posters who have said that if you raise an Invoice and it puts you over the Tax bracket then you will have to pay income tax on it.
This will reduce your inheritance.
If you really aren’t bothered then I would ask your sisters what amount they were thinking of before you agree to raise an invoice.

I am sorry for your loss Cheryl. I know of people who have been asked by solicitors to keep a note of all outgoings, time spent and travel costs etc to be paid out of the estates.

I can see how difficult it is to quantify everything you did, but you did a lot,especially once your mum developed dementia so though you did it with love, it does cost in all sorts of ways, not just financially.
If your sisters want you to have a larger share of your mums estate to acknowledge your care of her, i think they should decide on an amount with your input which you can accept or refuse.
I rather hope you will accept if only because you have willingly given up a lot over the time you have looked after your mum and maybe once this covid crisis is over you can treat yourself to a nice holiday. You deserve it. I know how hard it can be. All the best

There is no tax illegality involved, if a payment is made that will taxable along with the receivers existing income, so more tax could be payable overall.

The issue is involving the will, if all the beneficiaries agree the will can be varied, if one disagrees strongly the payment could be challenged.

The executor really should not have proposed the payment

Goodness, what a lot of useful replies. Thank you.

I've been reading through and I don't think there's anything shady about Inheritance Tax..(I think the estate is borderline on the limit for paying it) my sister does feel that there should be some sort of invoice to cover any "extra" payment to me for having Mum live with me.
Mum's pensions (State and my Dad's occupational ones) were paid into her bank account.
Relations among us are beginning to thaw a bit, so I hope to have a reasonable chat with both sisters in the near future. Mum would have wanted us to remain close, especially as we don't have many other relatives.

I don't think you really "want" money for looking after your mother - but your sisters feel you should be compensated in some way.

How about thanking them for the thought and suggesting they might like to cover the cost of a holiday for you and your husband (once all this virus stuff has passed). Or something else you would like - redecorate, garden makeover etc.

It may well be that they feel a little guilty at not having to rearrange their lives as you have had to - and repaying you in some way would also help them.

My lovely Mum lived with us for 4.5 years before she died at the age of 97. I received attendance allowance and she paid a small amount for food etc. None of my siblings live near so couldn't help me with her care although my sister would move in for a week every year so we could have a holiday.

When Mum died they paid for her room to be decorated and have new carpets, curtains etc.

I didn't want any payment for looking after her, she was my Mum and I would have done anything for her

I can’t see how a retrospective “ invoice” is appropriate.
If it is to reduce inheritance tax, I think they should take legal advice.

On the other hand, since your siblings now realise the extent of your commitment, both financial and in your time, maybe they could draw up a deed of variation to give you a larger share of the inheritance, with them determining how much that should be. You didn’t enter into the arrangement for the money, but there is no reason why they should not now recognise financially the enormity of your contribution and commitment.

That's reduce not recluse!

I was wondering about inheritance tax too. If you submitted an 'invoice' it would have to be paid by your mother's estate before tax so could recluse the taxable amount. Then you'd have to pay income tax on it yourself if it amounted to more than your annual tax allowance.

Sorry, clicked it before I had finished.
You were receiving attendance allowance in the latter stages so you would have to take that into account when deciding about any charges.
I can't imagine charging my family if I had ever had to look after my mother.

What happened to her pension when she was living with you?

Is this a way of reducing inheritance tax?

Putting a value on care in retrospect is going to cause trouble, if a relative needs care and there is one sister willing and able to devote time then it is reasonable that she gets some payment.

If large payments are made now the other sisters will say “ I would have done the care if there was pay attached” or at least shared it. Legality, I think it is marginal, a large retrospective invoice like that might get challenged, so it’s best avoided.

Agreement in advance I think is rare, the family often share responsibilities informally according to ability

I can't help wondering about the legality of this proposed 'invoice' and how it affects the apportionment of the rest of the bequests. As there was no formal financial arrangement, its really a manipulated and fabricated invoice rather than a real one so it sounds a bit dodgy to me.
If your two sisters want to give you something out of their share of the estate to show their appreciation for what you've done, that's a different matter entirely and they are free to do that outside of the formal will apportionment and settlement.

The other thing that occurs to me is that any invoice submitted to and paid from the estate is going to be partly paid by you in a sense because it will reduce the amount of money left to be shared between the three of you. I realise I'm making a lot of assumptions here which might be completely wrong but the proposed invoiced arrangement sounds very odd to me.

Very sorry for your loss.

I think it is a reasonable thing for your sisters to suggest and a lovely way of thanking you but it's a really difficult thing for you to need to quantify and a really awkward position to be in. If the money is coming from your mums estate and there is no talking them out of it and just having your share....

What about carers allowance? That's usually what a person caring for a family member can claim if caring means they cannot also work many hours or at all etc

Its not a lot, 67.25 a week but times by 104 weeks is about £7000... I think

I am not money driven at all.

I like how your friend phrased it and his or her approach.

Child care, elder care, household chores.... are very undermined and undervalued, not reflecting the true value of the effort. It is frequently taken for granted.

Not sure if 150 is too much per day, as I am not in the UK.

Care homes in my area go from $3k to $5k a month or more depending on the needs of the person.
2 years is $72k to 120k.
Think about it, it is not only the food, shelter, cleaning.
You were on call 24/7 for 2 years.
Please do not undervalue what you did for your mother, you did more than you know.

I have to admit I am astonished that anyone would want to be paid for taking care of a parent. My DM spent many years on and off with my husband and I. Quite frankly it was a privilege to care for her. When she was dying she said to me "I wish I was leaving you a very rich woman". She did, the lessons of life she taught me were priceless jewels.

I agree Grannynannywanny.