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Care & carers

Mum refusing to let carers take her to bed

(38 Posts)
debs4409 Sat 18-Sept-21 17:27:51

Probably refused as she was watching TV and didn't want to be moved!!

debs4409 Sat 18-Sept-21 17:20:24

Yes I should emphasise Mum is severely disabled since the stroke and can hardly walk.

ElderlyPerson Sat 18-Sept-21 17:19:22

Did she say why she refused?

ElderlyPerson Sat 18-Sept-21 17:18:06

Having mental capacity and having the ability and legal right to make one's own decisions is a separate thing from physical ability to do things and issues of frailty and the like.

debs4409 Sat 18-Sept-21 17:17:09

9pm is the latest call the care company do. Its funded through the local authority.

H1954 Sat 18-Sept-21 17:07:21

If mum has capacity why does she need putting to bed at 9pm? You say the stroke affected her speech but the lady clearly knows her own mind.

debs4409 Sat 18-Sept-21 17:03:10

She has a stairlift to get upstairs. She does have full mental capacity at 94 but the stroke affected her speech. We have a bathroom upstairs and downstairs which are adapted for her use. It's usually the same put to bed carers at 9pm. She did eventually go to bed last night and the carer texted me to say she had. I'm anxious and just waiting for it to happen again as she is very headstrong....

Germanshepherdsmum Sat 18-Sept-21 16:45:33

Will she need to go upstairs to the loo and to shower/bathe though?

Jaxjacky Sat 18-Sept-21 16:23:12

I agree with Barmeyoldbat and get a bed downstairs.

ElderlyPerson Sat 18-Sept-21 16:09:36

Have you asked your mother why she did not want to go upstairs?

Carers can vary in the way they treat people.

Did her usual carers arrive or was it different people?

What is the way that your mother physically gets upstairs?

Does she have capacity to make decisions?

If she absolutely refuses, what actually happens? For example in such a circumstance would the carers just go and leave her to it, or would they call an ambulance crew, or what?

How was it resolved last night?

Zoejory Sat 18-Sept-21 16:08:31

Could she have a bed downstairs?

A neighbour of ours ended up with a reluctance to go upstairs. We were never able to ascertain why.

But a bed was purchased and put in the living room and all was well.

Barmeyoldbat Sat 18-Sept-21 16:03:47

I think you will just have to give your mum tough love by telling her if she doesn’t go to her bedroom at 9 then she will have to sleep where she is. Has she given any reason for not wanting to and is she usually stubborn

debs4409 Sat 18-Sept-21 15:56:36

Mum is 94 widow and had a serious stroke 3 years ago. Despite this we respected her wishes for her to stay in her home with carers 4 times a day. My sister and I see her most days for around 5 hours. Mums carers say she is refusing to go to bed at 9pm call (she doesn’t have to go to sleep as she has a TV in her bedroom). Care company now complaining to me about this and I’m worried we lose them as despite being stubborn my mum is very attached to her carers. My OH and I had our first night out last night in 18 months and carers rang me as Mum upset and refusing to go upstairs ….. despite agreeing with me earlier in the day that she understood . No carers available later in the evening. Help !