Ed Balls Crisis in Care.

Two friends have put their husbands into care homes, they both have dementia and the wives had coped with them at home for a long time and were both suffering from their own health problems. My DH "has said to me "please don't put me in a home," and I have said that I can't promise that. I'm sure it's a very hard decision for people to make.

I cant help but wonder how this issue will be faced by younger generations.
My parents were born in 1920s/ 1930s. Families lived locally and there was more of a tendency for women to be home makers. There also seemed to be a dislike of interference from " officials". My grandfather was cared for by his childeren and my single uncle lived with my paternal grandmother.
Families and housing have changed so much. Those that are lucky enough to be on the housing ladder usually need two incomes.
If things carry on as they are there will be a whole generation who cant afford to buy their own property. Mine might be the last generation whose property can be sold for extortionate care fees.
I think on the whole the care system in UK is viewed with dread. Countries such as Holland have excellent purpose built communities for people with dementia where life is dignified and meaningful.
Of course this takes a willingness to invest and prioritise both by tax payers and government.
The old adage that you can judge a society by how it treats its most vulnerable members has never felt more apt or more damning.

Many years ago i was a home help. One of my lady’s was a retired matron, she had MS. One day I found all these little vials. In my ignorance I asked her what they were: when the time comes, was her reply. It took a few seconds for the penny to drop.
I often drive past her house and wonder if she did.

I agree with Germanshepherdsmum but, of course, we may not be sufficiently compos mentis or physically able when the time came to be able to make that choice.

PippaZ

I think people stopped letting their elderly relatives go into a home - even when it should have been the best outcome for them - when it became more and more apparent that the hospitals had sent untested and even positive patients back into them or used the home to unblock those beds with untested and/or known positive patients.

I really couldn't blame anyone for making that choice.

Yes, they said that was the reason, PippaZ and I understand whyl.

However, there must be many people in hospital beds who no longer require such a high level of treatment (ie bedblockers) but who cannot go home to the care of relatives but who need short-term convalescent care before going to their own homes. They may not have relatives, family may live away or even overseas or they may not be able to take the time off work etc.

I’m afraid my alternative sodapop is a handful of pills (I take pills for epilepsy which would be lethal, no chance of being resuscitated) washed down with something nice. Rather as Terry Pratchett said he would do, though in the event the chance was taken from him. I can’t bear the thought of being dependent on anyone, even my husband, for ‘personal care’ nor of spending vast sums of money which my family could put to good use to sit mouldering away in ‘God’s waiting room’.

Thankyou germanshepherdsmum. Indeed he had always been a very fit and active man and even initially with the vascular dementia was physically healthy. For him to be so dependent would have been awful, but of course he had no choice other than to be reliant on others. I was just glad I had the time and experience to ensure his life was as dignified as possible.
I think it's a horrid dilemma but both my daughter and I watch ambulance on BBC1. Being of a great age and in your home is what we all hope for. Many times we found ourselves being quite comforted by the fact that although residential care may not have been the first choice for our residents they were warm,safe,and had company if they wanted.

What is the alternative Germanshepherdmum I don't relish the idea of having care either in my own home or in a residential home, even less do I want the burden of care to fall on my children.

I admire you Dorsetcupcake but in your Dad’s position I couldn’t face the indignity. I wonder if other posters feel they just couldn’t submit themselves to it?

Hoist not Houston ?

I think one of the saddest aspects of the whole situation is how people have developed an even bigger dread of care.
I was able to look after my father in my own home, he had vascular dementia but remained calm and on the whole the situation was manageable. He had some respite care before he moved in with me but it was local and you could visit any time.
Covid has changed all that and I cannot imagine the impact of not being able to see your relative on both the relative and resident.
I will be honest in that in my experience most residents ,especially those with dementia struggle to settle. That said sometimes dementia develops in a way that makes care at home impossible. My youngest daughter has vowed never to put me in a care home. Although it's not something I would choose I am adamant that if my needs were such it put impossible pressure on my family that is what must be done.
Next week the programme covers care in peoples homes. For me these carers probably have the hardest job of all. They are a genuine lifeline but stretched to breaking point.
When my father was diagnosed in 2010 he and my mother were offered a care package. They were unwilling to take it but I insisted. Between then and 2016 it was terrifying to see how that package changed. Nevertheless by 2014 we eventually had an excellent and complex package in place.
This continued when my dad moved in with me.,although mainly consisted of support to get him up and dressed.
In September 2015 he had a funny turn and was admitted to hospital with the start of an infection. He nearly died twice. He pulled through but I was at the hospital 8 hours a day to ensure hydrated,fed and kept oxygen mask on. It was a small side ward of 8 men. All had had a fall etc,but before that had been living independently. My father was the only one to return home ,there were no community packages,the rest went into residential care.
My fathers needs were now physically more complex and he needed a hoist. I'm from a care background so it was familiar to me. In the end we could only get a care package if I was the second carer due to my experience.
I was up at around 6am to get everything ready for first care call when we washed dressed and hoisted dad from bed to chair.
There was another call after lunch to hoist him on to commode then bed for change of position. This was done in reverse at tea time. The final call was at 9pm to Houston from chair ,get into pyjamas and into bed.
Even with me as second carer this was costing over £1000 month.This was 2015 and I know it's pretty much impossible in my area to get any sort of care package at the moment.

PippaZ

I think people stopped letting their elderly relatives go into a home - even when it should have been the best outcome for them - when it became more and more apparent that the hospitals had sent untested and even positive patients back into them or used the home to unblock those beds with untested and/or known positive patients.

I really couldn't blame anyone for making that choice.

I had a chat with my son telling him after all whats gone on over the past 20 months in care homes he is not to put me in one and if need be I will barricade myself in my home!

I think people stopped letting their elderly relatives go into a home - even when it should have been the best outcome for them - when it became more and more apparent that the hospitals had sent untested and even positive patients back into them or used the home to unblock those beds with untested and/or known positive patients.

I really couldn't blame anyone for making that choice.

There were spare beds in one of the care homes featured which need to be filled otherwise they could go out of business. Whether that is true around the country I don't know.
There are many older people 'bed-blocking' in hospital, not needing intensive medical treatment but not well enough to go home until they have had a period of convalescence.
A relative of mine was supposed to go to a care home for three weeks after an operation in hospital to convalescence, continuing care paid for by the NHS but she then got a bill for thousands of pounds when she returned home.

There needs to be some joined-up thinking and co-ordination here where so-called 'bed-blockers' could convalescence for a few weeks paid for by the NHS as a care home bed generally costs less per week than a bed in hospital.

Dorsetcupcake61

Calistermon I look forward to seeing your comments. There have been frequent articles about the crisis in care,not to mention the large amount of deaths due to Covid. It just feels as though people glance up momentarily comment how dreadful it is and then carry on with their lives. Society feels very callous!

We watched it but I found it very distressing.

The staff were amazing and the service they provide is undervalued by the government and so often taken for granted, as they are only earning just over the minimum wage in many cases.

We do know something of the difficulties faced by staff and the distress of having a loved one in a care home too although it is a good one.

I do like Ed. He's one of the few "personalities" I would like to meet. I wonder how many of our current crop of politicians would be seen washing an old lady's legs or mopping up pee.

The home my mother in law was in was mainly staffed by Nepalese girls. I found them lovely but she called them smarmy. But then her attitude was very much "I'm not racist but"

It was an excellent programme; Ed Balls was amazing. It is such a difficult position to go into. His insight into the structures within care is something I have commented on. It needs to be possible to go from Care to NHS and back again on the same scale.

In the next episode, he is working with home carers.

GrannySomerset - my heart is with you. I know how this feels.

As I recall, Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper both had the chance to run the country, and they didn't make a very good job of it.

There are a few home share type schemes, and they are worth exploring.
Taking a vulnerable person into your home, or allowing an able person a subsidised room in your home in return for help, so you can remain at home.
I'm surprised they're not more often made use of.

Oh GrannySomerset that is so sad ! I hope and pray that you get some help soon xxx

Hugely depressing for those of us with a loved one who needs increasing levels of care which at present we can’t find. And as for continuing care …… the main aim seems to be not to pay it, as if neurological illness was somehow the patient’s own fault. As I struggle I can see no good outcome for my DH who deserves so much better than he is getting. In my bleaker moments I think we would both be better off succumbing to COVID!

I agree Germanshepherdsmum. We watched the programme and it confirmed our already held opinions. Very good programme

We have lots of Abbeyfields round here too. DH used to visit people in care homes and considered the best were council (or ex) run ones and Abbey fields.

On the point about people living with dementia classed as not having an illness - this generally true but someone I know was sectioned twice due to her Alzheimer's and is completely paid for.

Slightly off topic so please forgive me:

With so many people needing homes I do think there’s a case for some kind of home-share scheme where a live in lodger is paid to provide ongoing care for the owner. Free training, accommodation, and a good salary of £40k a year would still be far cheaper than Nursing Home care and allow an elderly or disabled person to continue to live at home.

I know it would need careful monitoring and supervision, but a not-for-profit or social enterprise could easily create such a scheme. If I were twenty years younger I’d have a crack at it myself. In the last year I’ve worked with several people who would be very suitable to enlist as carers; kind, warm, empathetic - and in need of a home and paid work. In fact one of them had a job as a care assistant in a local Nursing Home and was living in her car.