How to decide about a care home?

Fleurpepper, not shocking at all, not to me. My poor mother showed the first signs of Alzheimer’s in her very early 80s. We finally went down the care home route when she was 89, and she went on to 97 - for her last years doubly incontinent, not knowing any of her family, unable to hold any sort of conversation, no clue about anything.

TBH in the few months before I knew a care home was going to be inevitable, if I could have tucked her into bed after a nice dinner and a glass or two of her favourite sherry, and been able to ensure - without consequences - that she’d never wake up again, I’d have done it. And I know absolutely that it’s what her former self would have wanted.

I hope that that will be allowed in my lifetime Witzend. What I dread is suddenly becoming incapable of control of my own destiny, say as a result of a stroke.

Witzend I wish I could’ve done the same for my Mum whose last few years of ‘life’ were similar to your mother’s.
MrJ and I have made plans.

Baggs

Fleurpepper

kittylester

I think a chat to his gp or memory clinic is a good idea - he could need a nedication tweak.

A nursing home is not any more likely to be able to get him to drink - in fact he might slip through the net.

I hope this won't upset or shock anyone. But my mother wanted to 'slip through the net', and I think if I ever get dementia or Alzheimers, so would I. Would that really be a bad thing? I would not wish to be kept going through all the indignities of the above for a long time.

Again, apologies if some find this shocking. This is how I sincerely think about this. And I would not wish my OH's and my children's lives to be so strongly affected for year to come.

I feel the same, Fleurpepper. I don't actually want to live to be dependent on others for almost everything.

I work in a care home but feel exactly the same,would not want to be kept alive with the indignities that go with the situation..

I am humbled. I expected very negative reactions to my post. This however should not be on this thread, apologies to Mizuna.

But perhaps we could discuss this on another thread at some point. It is massively complicated. But I am heartened by your responses.

Don't apologise Fleurpepper. I feel the same. I tell my children that I want to die in a tent in a field and they know I'm not joking (I lived an al fresco life for a while and adored it). I agree it would be good to have a thread about it...

I've mentioned it before and found I was far from alone in my thinking. It is heartening. I'm not sure GN would allow a thread to stay up - someone would be bound to report it -but you can always try. It's an important subject.

Please god it never happens to me. I don’t want to be a burden to my family.

Germanshepherdsmum

I hope that that will be allowed in my lifetime Witzend. What I dread is suddenly becoming incapable of control of my own destiny, say as a result of a stroke.

I’ve allowed for that sort of thing in my addition to my Health and Welfare power of attorney, Germanshepherdsmum.

IIRC roughly, ‘If I should develop dementia, or any other condition where I am unable both to care for myself and speak - with full mental capacity - for myself, then I emphatically do not want any life-saving or life-prolonging treatment. I ask for palliative care only.’

Dh has the same in his, so I would hope that no wretched I-know-best person would interfere. I’m pretty sure that dds would respect our wishes.

Or I hope I have, I should have said.