Moving Parents from their house into assisted living

When we emptied our holiday home, I was surprised just how much our children, including grandchildren did want from it.

My DDiL laid claim to a pine dresser filled with randomly collected blue and white china, My DD had several beds, a wardrobe, several chairs plus both had more mior items like pictures and books. even the DGC, laid claim to board games, a telescope, some books and a set of pictures.

So far, I have had 82 fantastic years on this earth apart from when I lost my beloved husband of 50 years, ten years ago. When he died, he took half of me with him and the half of me that is left does not care about possessions. I have a large ottoman that I keep all my memories in, cards to and from my late husband, christening cards, 21st birthday cards etc. and I have told them that I want them to ensure that it goes to one of their homes so they can have time to look through them all and peruse all the photo albums from their dad and I meeting and many photos of me, their dad and their grandparents (mine and my husband's parents). Everything else can go in black bin bags to the charity shop and my furniture can be cleared out by a house clearance company.

All they have to take out of the house is the safe, my laptop and the ottoman. They do not want my clothes, my dinner services or electrical gadgets etc etc.

When my mother died I gave the great grandchildren a few keepsakes each. DSis and I took back things we had given her but we wanted. Basically the entire contents of her cottage went to the local Hospice shop and anything they wouldn’t take had to go to house clearance. She was renting so we only had a week to clear the place. Oh, we gave some unworn clothes to one of her neighbours. It is a terrible temptation to keep too much stuff but we have cleared properties for elderly relatives previously and we know that we brought stuff home only to then have to get rid of it.

We recntly emptied a holiday home we had had for over 30 years. It was full of inherited furniture and things we had owned for years.

We dealt with this by using spread sheets. First we gave every member of the family a piece of paper and a pen to go round the house and list everything that they would like to have, and entered it on a spread sheet room by room. Then we went round and listed everything else in the house onto the spread sheet, room by room, then we worked our way through the spread sheet deciding what would go to charity, what to auction and what to the tip. We started the process a good six months before we had to vacate the property, so that we could take our time and when the moving date closed in, we knew exactly what was happening to everything and were able to schedule removers, auctioneers, chairty shop transport etc.

In your case, as your parents are downsizing, help them first list everything that is coming to their new home with them. Then get family around to decide what they want to take and then go round room by room making decisions about what happens to everything else.

As your parents are not moving for some months, you can do this in an unrushed manner. As it may be distressing having you walking around them deciding what to take to the tip and what to sell. Arrange for another family member to take them out for the day so that you can do your listing without them being there.

You have plenty of time to make decisions - and change them but when the moving time arrives you will know exactly where everything is going and can order up transport accordingly.

On moving day, again someone take your parents out for a day, while the house is dismantled, just have them in their new home ready to decide where to put things when everything arrives.

Try to only keep what you are going to use or display, there is no point if it is going to end up packed in boxes in a storage facility. Take photos of items you cannot keep but want to remember.

When my mum and dad died I brought all their personal stuff to my house and sold donated or kept but that was after they had died I would do the same if they had been going into a home but obviously then with their approval