Care needs, but Attourney says there's no money for care, so refuses to activate POA?!

Is there any progress OP?

Very confusing A's and B's.....sorry

OnwardandUpward

No one at this time deals with her finances, bizarrely. A buys food and essential items for B and is recompensed by cheque, I believe. B has not had money for a long time and has no independance.

As far as I know bills are paid by standing order that was set up years ago and the house is owned. I cannot understand A's reluctance to activate POA and be able to use B's money to pay for care. It may mean selling the house, but it's a way of getting care, so I just try to get my head around why a relative would be so reluctant.

Try not to be naive. Question everything! I think you know!
My ex Brother in law took my mothers money, all that was left was her funeral money luckily as no one else would have afforded it. He looked after my parents for many years, long story.... He took (coughs 'stole') everything she had.

icanhandthemback

Germanshepherdsmum

How many times has that been said? I do wish people would RTFT. The OP must be sick of hearing that she should contact social services when she has already done so.

Hear, hear! I can't believe how many people will give advice about a POA or LPA when they obviously don't know much about it either. However, Germanshepherdsmum. I think wall, head and bashing are the 3 words that mostly sum up GN. 🤣🤣🤣

That's a bit harsh. We're not meant to be experts on here - just a friendly bit of help within our own limitations. I've read the whole thread and can't see anywhere that the OP has already contacted Social Services or indeed Safeguarding. In fact she was worried that by doing so, B would know it was her and react adversely.

I do know about P of As, through work and personally and I can only see one bit of advice which isn't quite right (and it's only quite and is qualified by an "I may be wrong but ..." and that's about activating the P of A.

We're doing our best to help - that's all we can do.

Having said all that - has anyone suggested Citizens Advice - they have a wealth of informed knowledge at their fingertips. Apologies to anyone who is triggered into bashing their head into the wall or indeed anywhere else.

The OP said on Monday morning that she had contacted social services and left a message. Yet still posters keep telling her to contact social services. She must wish she hadn’t bothered to post.

And btw I am a retired solicitor and when in local government I worked with social services dealing with people in the council’s homes for the elderly, obtaining what is now called deputyship and dealing with the sale of houses in order to pay fees when relatives didn’t want to get involved (though they never failed to show up when the old people died, looking for money). So I do have some experience in this area. We also have people on the forum who are retired social workers. Not everyone here is lacking in experience, but many appear to lack the ability to read and follow the full thread,

Germanshepherdsmum

The OP said on Monday morning that she had contacted social services and left a message. Yet still posters keep telling her to contact social services. She must wish she hadn’t bothered to post.

And btw I am a retired solicitor and when in local government I worked with social services dealing with people in the council’s homes for the elderly, obtaining what is now called deputyship and dealing with the sale of houses in order to pay fees when relatives didn’t want to get involved (though they never failed to show up when the old people died, looking for money). So I do have some experience in this area. We also have people on the forum who are retired social workers. Not everyone here is lacking in experience, but many appear to lack the ability to read and follow the full thread,

I'm sorry - I did miss that part of her Monday morning post saying that she had left a message. I don't think people (appear to) lack the ability to read and follow full threads, and I completely realise that our areas of expertise may vary widely. Maybe we should all state whether we are making an informed comment or not.

I think your comments about relatives never failing to show up when a person has died looking for money is also a little harsh. Everyone's situation, financial and otherwise, varies tremendously. I also have experience in this field and, while that is sometimes my experience, it's not always the case.

Anyway, enough of us discussing the rights and wrongs of commenting, I would love to hear from the OP if she has heard back in response to her message and whether a safeguarding issue has been raised. OP, if you have time, can you please update us - there are a lot of concerned people on here who only want things to work for the best for A and for you (even if some of us don't always read the full thread and some of us, while doing our best to help, aren't experts.

Not that anyone has told me, sadly. I have not seen A or B and SS have not got back to me, probably because it was anon.

Thanks for all the messages. Sorry this is the first time Ive been back to check messages as I've been hospitalized myself since posting.

I did raise a concern to SS and the GP to ask for a welfare check but did not give my name as A is vindictive and I'm still really weak.

I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been well and hope you’re feeling better now.

Well done for contacting SS and the GP. You are a good friend.

I hope you feel better soon OnwardandUpward. Thank goodness your friend has somebody in her corner. Well done.

Any POA is meant to act in the interests of the beneficiary - this means bill paying, keeping them supplied with food, clothing, heat, light, maintain their home and so on.
In doing so they should also be keeping records - they may only claim reasonable expenses while executing these duties - eg petrol money or paying for services they cannot do themselves.
This does not include loaning themselves money from the beneficiary and the authorities would take a dim view of this. There genuinely may not be any money and in which case they should be applying for carers/attendance allowance or anything which would help the beneficiary. Ultimately the house belongs to the beneficiary and should be used for them even if mean selling it to pay for care not being kept to preserve an inheritance.

Swampy1961 I agree with you and know how its supposed to work...

I have been in and out of hospital, so no idea of any updates since I left the message....

OandU I hope you feel better soon.

Me too.

Thankyou Monica and GSM , everything is a struggle and Im in and out of hospital.

Im not likely to be able to check on B til Im well, but I dont know how long recovery will take.

You’ve done what you could Onward and Upward time now to concentrate on your own health and have peace of mind knowing you’ve dealt will your concerns.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Reported

Sorry for the delay. I just wanted to update: B is in a care home. Somehow after A insisting for the last year that there was "no money to pay for care", B is suddenly placed in a very nice care home.
I think it is a result of social services involvement, possibly forcing A's hand?

Sounds like a result, OnwardandUpward.
Now the time is right for you to take care of yourself. Best wishes.

Well done, Now you can relax and recover.

Thank you for letting us know OnwardandUpward, that is a wonderful result.
How are you doing? I hope you are feeling much healthier.

OnwardandUpward

Thanks for all your helpful replies. B is elderly, yes. It's not that B is locked in, it's that B misplaces the keys to the front door so cannot open it if/when needed. The keys are clearly marked, but because of B's dementia there might as well not be any. I don't know who else has a key apart from A but the neighbour has not.

I do want to contact SS with a Safeguarding concern, but how do I do it anonymously?

My mother (with dementia) was the same - she’d hide any keys she found (and of course immediately forget where she’d put them) and so would never have been able to open the door in an emergency. It was just one of the reasons we eventually found a care home for her.

OP, ditto to an urgent referral to SS. An attorney is supposed to act in the person’s best interests, and obviously they are not doing that if they won’t even activate the P of A.

Thankyou all for your replies. Its sad things aren't better handled by Social services and that relatives who have Power of Attourney dont get penalised for neglect.

It makes me angry that there are grown adult children who have their eye on the bank of Mum and Dad so much that they say there's no money for care when there's a house and savings plus multiple pensions. The dishonesty and selfishness reeks!

Social services did place B in a care home when A was away on business because they assessed her as needing full time care and living in all types of neglect. When A came back she said it was unsuitable and put A in a care home that cost a third more. (After telling people there's no money for care!! )

Well, we knew that was a lie. I'm also thinking that, if B stayed in the same care home where SS placed her, financial details would HAVE to have been shared. We at Gransnet know something is "off". Im sure the Social worker knows too.

But by sending B to a new care home, A might be hoping to keep the finances a secret, to pay for it privately with the sales of the house? I will probably never find out, but I feel genuinely sorry for B (and anyone else with a child this manipulative and selfish.)