Worried I won’t last the course

Thank you for all your advice
There is a lot for me to take on and think about
I am wary of complaining to the management as they were quite hostile to me back in December ( because they didn’t like me saying that I wanted my husband taken out of bed everyday ) and because I am worried that they will evict him because they find me difficult
In fact , I am expecting a nasty phone call from the manageress any time now as she was away on holiday when this latest episode with the same nurse happened and now that she is back from holiday , she will want to at least give me another telling off or say that she wants to evict him
So I am going to practise what dizzyribs has advised to say and hopefully she won’t reduce me to tears

Write to the CQC. We did this and the result was amazing. Gone were the staff who didn't do their jobs properly and the residents & visitors were finally treated with respect. It won't happen overnight.

Try to let the Staff do their job. If they aren’t doing it please bring it to the attention of Management. It’s heartbreaking enough so the out being ‘told off’…
Reading all the posts, you have done so much ‘good’ writing about your own situation because I, and others can relate to it. I always feel reading the comments that we are all benefitting from writing down our own problems and experiences - it’s therapeutic for everyone.
Sometimes there aren’t any answers, but each reader, or writer receives their own ‘therapy’.
I hope it gets easier for you and Thank you
Grandsnet ❤️

Do you have a Carer's Federation in your area. They are wonderful and would be able to give you good advice. They also offer counselling so that you can offload your anxieties without any judgement involved. They can also signpost you to whatever help might be available for you.

I am going to suggest 2 things:
1. Start looking for another care home (it sounds as if your DH is self-funding). Don't get too drawn in to discussing his current situation - just say you are looking. Take kwest's advice - if not a Carers' Federation, there may be something similar. Don't rush - it sounds as if your DH is safe. You will get a good idea of what other places are like, how reasonable the current situation is, and so on.
2. Take good care of yourself. Schedule 'time out' to do things that restore you and help to keep you healthy Accept that this is very distressing, and wotk out your best way of coping with it - everyone is different.

Please do not take the carer's attitude to heart. It is sometimes the way that staff cope with the pressures they are under. It is not ideal, but sadly, in the current crisis, it happens. If your DH is properly cared for, try to let it slide off you.
Good luck

Thank you again everyone for all your kind words and practical suggestions
I am going through a difficult time and do appreciate your help
I need to look for a carers group that might be helpful too
I don’t feel sorry for myself because I know some people are in even worse situations
It’s just tough isn’t it
And I have to try and get through it
A million thanks again ❤️❤️

I think it’s just isolating and people do expect you to put on a brave face and say the right things and I think that’s how the carers groups come in. Ours is mixed age and we are all quite different but we can discuss stuff with one another that we wouldn’t necessarily discuss outside of that group and no one judges x

I think by not visiting as much, you are giving them what they want, they can let care standards slip if family members are not visiting as much. I saw this with my own mother when she was in a home with dementia. My brother found her in the dining room with her hand in her dinner and her head on the table asleep. I saw one lady walking around for a long time with a dirty nappy, (i know because I could smell it) they were not happy about us visiting daily.

I really regret not being firmer about some things that happened, wish i could go back and do it differently. You can be nice without allowing them to patronise you.