Lack of Carer's courtesy while in your property

BlueBelle

But she didn’t say anything at all about “letting themselves in to use the loo” Notspaghetti she said they all seem to want to use the bathroom for themselves before they leave (male & female) and I don’t see anything wrong with that, I agree they should ask, but it’s hardly the crime of the centaurs is it.
If they are miles from home on their rounds and she has a nice clean bathroom why ever not. Perhaos the next person on their list lives in nasty conditions with a dirty smelly loo.

I mentioned that particular scenario somewhere above, BlueBelle. It was happening to my mum last year - when her carer was at her house, other carers in the area started popping in to use her toilet if they saw their colleague's car outside!

But she didn’t say anything at all about “letting themselves in to use the loo” Notspaghetti she said they all seem to want to use the bathroom for themselves before they leave (male & female) and I don’t see anything wrong with that, I agree they should ask, but it’s hardly the crime of the centaurs is it.
If they are miles from home on their rounds and she has a nice clean bathroom why ever not. Perhaos the next person on their list lives in nasty conditions with a dirty smelly loo.

I wouldn't be happy with people letting themselves in just to use the loo (without asking) though BlueBelle .

I think that's very cheeky indeed!

Well I think you are being very unreasonable about them having a wee before they go surely your toilet is usable for any visitor.
They also may be writing notes up or getting new instructions when they seem to be in their car for ages also don’t discount their use of phones, they are probably using them for their jobs not necessarily private texting
I don’t think anyone’s care will come up to your expectations, because you ve had to hand some of your care over to others and no one will ever do the job as well as you.

My dad had carers for a few years most were from overseas and he was very scared that he wouldn’t understand them, at first, or they wouldn’t him, but as soon as they were there he built up lovely friendships, and they were so good with him they all loved him and him them, they were from Portugal, Brazil Zimbabwe and a few English. they would go the extra mile for him and I remember one young Portuguese lad rushing off in his car to buy Dad a tub of Vaseline he needed A lot of them turned up at Dads funeral
On the other hand my aunt had a carer who she became very fond of they built up a mother /daughter relationship, however on my Aunties death we found the ‘carer’ had been thieving off my aunt for years and had had most of her money, we tried to take it to court after she died and when we found out but they wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole as my aunt although old and frail was of sound mind. She had even put herself down as next of kin, my dad, her brother only found out when he visited her in hospital and was told they could only talk to her next of kin and he said well that’s me then it all came to light but my Auntie died within a few days of the revelation

Stansgran

About using your toilet It could be that yours is clean and that they are going on to a patient with a very dirty house. I ve heard a carer remark on this.

That is exactly what the carers coming in just to use my mum's toilet said.

My husband is content and at ease, and I am spared more labor since I have private and health board caregivers. It doesn't matter how long they take; as long as they complete the task correctly, it doesn't matter.

We also refused to have certain carers help.

It is also true, as Grammaretto found, that a kind and friendly person who is 5 minutes quicker (and may be less efficient) is better than a resentful monosyllabic one who stays over their alotted time.

The nicest carers we worked with were truly lovely people who made my mother-in-law feel as though she was still a valuable person.

A big thank you to them from me.
❤️

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I care for my parents-in-law, in their own home, for six days a week, my husband does all their house maintenance and ferries them to their (many) medical appointments and on our one day a week off my brother-in-law visits. Effectively my husband and I are running two households.

I get carers in for one and a half hours a day to help me; initially this was for two days a week to shower my mother-in-law, then three days to include a bed change and more recently for four days a week to establish a morning routine. I decide what needs to be done in the time they have and regard the carers as my ‘team’ and they work alongside me. I know that some are better than others in terms of showing initiative, or in the way they approach my in-laws - and over time I have specified which carers I DON’T want to return and just today I’ve written to the agency saying exactly who I DO want. I ensure every carer is offered a drink and time to sit down and complete their task report before they leave the house. I honestly have no idea if any of them have ever used the loos and certainly wouldn’t care if they did.

My in-laws are both at different stages of dementia, barely mobile, occasionally incoherent or rambling - but they still respond to warmth and kindness. Some of the kindest carers don’t always do things quite the way I’d like them, but to be honest I don’t care so much about that any more, just that they’re responsive and warm and caring with my in-laws.

OP my heart goes out to you and others who have problems with a service which should,be caring to make your DH's and your life easier.
This is what in the near future will be for my DH and I am dreading it having seen the lack of care my Dad had from some"carers".

I have no advice, but just to send you my sympathy.

Carers are only paid for the hours they spend with clients. They are not paid for travel time or travel expenses. If they don’t use your bathroom what are they supposed to do?

Primrose53

I imagine the service provided in other parts of the country might be better but here it is poor we feel. I have spoken to loads of people who all say they got rid of the carers after a week or two mainly for the same reasons as we did.

Coming into the house with filthy or wet shoes and not allowed to wear shoe covers. Not completing the full time allocated. Crashing the wheelchair into doors and skirting boards. Not cleaning up after washing my husband. Spilling water and leaving dripping face cloths. Arriving at stupid early times to put him to bed or arriving mid morning to get him dressed.
It was much easier just to get on and do it myself.

Yes I agree totally.
We had carers coming in a few times a day at first. They were different people every time and would only stay a very short time during which they managed to upset and agitate my DH because he had no idea who these people were. Only one wore covers over her shoes the rest tramped in with mucky feet and one managed to block the loo when she used the toilet.
Eventually I told them not to bother coming anymore.

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A friend had 2 carers visiting 4 times a day but they were happily using the conservatory for their lunch breaks when I so wanted my friend to sit there.
The care company has been reported by the ambulance service for safeguarding concerns as 5 hours elapsed before calling for medical assistance. So for any older person living by themselves, I am beginning to think that a care home might be a safer option.

I wonder if any of you have thought about having your help actually live in.

I know this is a big step but after experiencing care with my mother-in-law at £36 and £40 an hour it seems to me to be a good option at about £1000 weekly.

The live-in carers we interviewed and chose came on an initial 2 weeks trial and stayed if we liked each other (and if they needed a holiday they would come back again after a break).

The last carer before my mother-in-law died was expected to come back - they had really become obviously fond of each other.

If anyone wants more info please feel free to message me.

My mother-in-law's closest old friend had live-in carers for her husband years ago and for the last maybe eight or so years has had them for herself. She has the same 3 carers in rotation for roughly 3 months at a time.

This is what I would hope we would do if either one of us needed care.
I'm sure it would feel like a huge step but I do know the relief to know that for all but 2hours a day (the live-in carers have 2 hours a day off) there was someone kind and responsible to help my husband's lovely mum.

About using your toilet It could be that yours is clean and that they are going on to a patient with a very dirty house. I ve heard a carer remark on this.

We have had carers for my DD for three months. The first month was free following his fall, but we now pay £40 a visit (2 carers for half an hour, 4 times a day = £1,120 a week. The Attendance Allowance pays for 3.5 DAYS A MONTH!

I too am annoyed with some carers. Some sit on the arm of my leather sofa and have created a permanent dint in it. They bash the walker through the doors and have damaged some of the frames plus dislodged the carpet grippers in doorways so the carpet (not old and quite expensive) is now frayed. They often empty the plastic urinals but never wash them out - that is left to me. They used to make him a cup of tea but never offered me one!

They also strip-wash him some days but have not once washed his feet or changed his socks in three months.

We had only a choice of two companies and little information about either of them so just went with any.

It's definitely not a cheap option, nor particularly useful - he always needs the commode ten minutes after they have gone, so I still have to do a lot of the work needed myself.

Lately they have been tasked with supervising him to walk with his Rollator, in and out of the downstairs rooms. As he is getting a bit more confident with that we are thinking of cancelling them altogether and me doing the walking routine.

We are hoping that he improves at least to get back to his level of mobility before he had the fall 3 months ago, which mean he could get outside and into the car. Right now he has no quality of life and neither do I.

I imagine the service provided in other parts of the country might be better but here it is poor we feel. I have spoken to loads of people who all say they got rid of the carers after a week or two mainly for the same reasons as we did.

Coming into the house with filthy or wet shoes and not allowed to wear shoe covers. Not completing the full time allocated. Crashing the wheelchair into doors and skirting boards. Not cleaning up after washing my husband. Spilling water and leaving dripping face cloths. Arriving at stupid early times to put him to bed or arriving mid morning to get him dressed.
It was much easier just to get on and do it myself.

Yes I think it would be polite for them to ask to use the toilet, your home your rules. As others have said rather than overly worrying about that concentrate on the care (or lack off it). Speak to the Agency about the care plan and make sure his needs (and yours) are being met.

TwiceAsNice

How long are they contracted to be with you ? 12 minutes is no time to help care properly for someone especially if they are hiding in the bathroom on their phone? Why are they sitting outside doing nothing?

Please phone the agency and clarify what you can expect, especially the amount of time . Explain everything you have seen. I may be wrong but I would have thought you should have something in writing regarding their service/contract.

I feel for you it sounds horrendous hope it improves soon

Are the sitting in their cars doing nothing?

Where I live, carers have to write reports after every home visit, and must do so in their cars in order not to inconvenience the family they are helping.

I understand why OP finds this so-called "care" insufficient, what I do not understand at all, is that on this and many other posts on Gransnet, I have seen people objecting to carers, tradesmen etc. using their toilet.

Why?

All mammals, whether humans or animals, need to urinate frequently in the course of the day. Cars are not equipped with toilets, so what do you honestly expect people who come into your homes to do a specific job to do? Very few towns are plentifully provided with public toilets, these days,

I too was brought up to ask, if I might go to the toilet when visiting, but from the age of about 12 found it embarrassing to have to ask. As the householder, I find this courtesy ridiculous - after all, I cannot very well deny someone the right to attend to his or her sanitary needs, can I? And it would be daft to expect them to go out into the garden and wee in front of, or behind a bush, according to sex!

Re the minimum 30 min calls. If a carer is efficency and knows exactly what is needed they probably can achieve what is required in less time. Would you rather they just hung around until the 30 mins were up.
Yes using your bathroom may be an irritant to you but needs must and I would expect them to ask before doing so.
As for sitting outside in the car they are probably writing up notes or checking where the next visit is. They may have texts from manager about
changes to their rota.
Life doesn't always go how we want it to
sadly, but just think what would you do if they didn't come to help.

.

It's hit and miss I think. Carers came to help my mum for about 2 yrs, they once made the bed and when i checked later I found it was all soaking wet with urine, even the duvet - not happy. Some were lovely and some were worse than useless. One young man just stood there looking at my naked mother while the female carer washed her. I told him to sit down whileI helped her and told him not to come here again. I couldn't cope on my own anymore otherwise I wouldn't have had all these different people walking in and out of my home. Having said that, thank goodness for them in desperate times.

My mum used to complain to me about the use of her bathroom by her carers too, but generally tolerated it. I pointed out to her that of course they would need to use the bathroom at times during their working day, and it would be unreasonable of her to deny them that right - they could not be expected to return to the office every time.

But the same couldnt be said when carers working for the same company started popping into her house (without knocking, which was another bug-bear) when they knew Mum's carers were there, just to use her bathroom!

www.mariecurie.org.uk/services/hospice-care-at-home is this what happened before they started OP