Sex

I always used to say you spend the first ten years of a relationship finding out all the things you like about someone..and the next thirty all the things you don't like. Once you realise the way someone slurps their tea irritates you there's no going back....

I'm 61 and have had a randy toyboy (13 years my junior) for the last 12 years. To start with I couldn't believe my luck as my ex husband was never keen on sex with me and it was all I ever wanted. For the first 5 years or so I really enjoyed it, however....
The toy boy still wants sex twice a day but since the menopause I seem to have lost my sex drive (or maybe I'm just bored with him!). Most of the time I don' t join in with it but what a waste?!!
I actually think it is the lack of romance and the tedium of everyday life that kills a woman's sex drive and doesn't really have much to do with age. He is always saying 'I bet you'd be keen if some other man was interested in you!'. I always deny it but maybe he is right! what do other people think?

anyone struggling....."come and join my inflatable friends" im sure you have heard about them on my other posts...lol...they don't answer back, the cost nothing to keep. they don't demand anything and come colplete with puncture outfit! when your fed up them pull out the plug and shove back in the drawer lol lol ohhhhhhhhh sorry I am going doo lally...!! am I bovered??
noooooooooooo.....ok goodnight all...chat soon
bikergranSue (yes think I will change my name now)..

Yikes Speldnan; I think I'd rather join a convent. Makes me tired just thinking about it. Twice a day. Couldn't cope with that when I was 20......

Yes fatfairy, empowerment it what it's all about. Self-empowerment......as you have to do it for yourself. Alifen......There are a lot of good books out there. Try Pema Chodran for a Buddhist angle, and the Relate publications, though I found the honesty they encouraged put me in a very uncomfortable place. But am now much less anxious and feeling stronger and in control. We must survive as strongly as possible and take a lot in our stride. Sometimes the strides have to be pretty big. Y0u are surrounded by woman power!

Post-divorce and 10 years into what had been a good relationship, I began to realise that it just wasn't what I wanted any more. Things had become complacent and a bit boring but just as I felt things were cooling off, he seemed to realise what was happening and thought the answer was a proposal. I did not want to move in together as part of the attraction was that we had our own homes. Because I was willing to end it I was told I was selfish. I had not made any commitment and, although it was difficult, did walk away. I am happy in my own space and have no regrets. Having a man around all the time means constant compromise and I wasn't prepared to do that. Selfish or honest - up for debate.

Totally honest em, if more women were like you they might be a lot happier. Good for you!!!!!

Wonderful,Em, wish I'd had the means/motivation years ago!

You were totally honest em and I admire you for doing what you wanted. Whoever told you that you were selfish to end it was being selfish to want you to continue in a relationship that you realised was not right for you.

Fatfairy, I decided a while ago that I'm just not cut out to live with someone! Now it's "My house, MY rules"! I've told more than one man to push off if they didn't like it, and I enjoyed the feeling too much to give it up!! I know....I'm a bossy old cow but my "friend with benefits" seems to cope with it!

Agree with crimson that men seem to be automatically territorial - you just have to keep batting 'em down! eventually the brighter ones get the message ... most of the time.
And as for being "selfish"!!! talk about self-justifying twaddle ... it's a man's way of playing the "little boy" card, and it comes out when he knows he's not getting his own way.
I'm rather enjoying becoming a bossy old cow.
I think what really holds me back (because, let's face it, getting back with one's ex is a cop-out really) is the fear that I'd never find another man. How do you start dating again after decades of being in a couple?

I read the posts in this thread and suspect there are a lot of GM/GD that are quite happy with their sex lives however active or inactive they are. I also suspect that like myself, they like to keep this side of their relationship private and therefore do not post here. I only say this as i think the posts here are not necessarily representative of most GM/GD's.

Hello Pompa, I think you are probably right, but there are always some gobby ones like me! I've never been very good at keeping things to myself. What you see is what you get with me, I'm an open book! Besides, it's good to find out what other people think on any subject, life would be boring if everyone kept quiet!

I thought it was mainly men that talked about such things, especially as my ex really thought that every other man on the planet was having a much better time than he was. When a survey was conducted about how often it happened, the men seemed to do it far more than the women, which means that one lot wasn't telling the truth. No idea which lot that was .

Em, I think you are honest and absolutely right. Most of us have spent vast amounts of time and energy, giving, to everyone else except ourselves. If you are not receiving something back then you get completely depleted of energy, love etc. I hope you are on the receiving end from friends and family. Fancy a glass of wine or two? Really, Darling, we are all Utterly Wonderful, even if Some People don't realise it!

Enjoying the vino, Elizabethjoan. Part of the problem was that I did have lots of other things going on - including a family who at times can be quite demanding of my time. I'm absolutely ok with that and that's one of the reasons I knew I was doing the right thing because their needs were higher on my list of priorities. Being part of a good even-sided relationship is wonderful but when you know things aren't right you have to deal with the problem one way or another. Having spent the last few years of my marriage in isolation and unhappiness I promised myself I'd never be in that position again. However, if in the next few weeks I am swept off my feet by a wonderful man I'll be sure to let you know! Mind you - he'd have to be pretty wonderful!!

Looks like I may have a lot to thank this thread and some of the "gobby" grans on here (Nanachrissy's term, not mine), you Gal's may have saved my life. Reading what had been said, I realised that I may be missing out on things that I just put down to old age. Whilst talking my Dr. about some recent "odd" blood tests results, I mention in passing (as you do) my problem. Eureka, he put 2 + 2 together, did some more tests and now thinks I may have a tumour on my pituitary gland, and if his suspicions are correct, he may have caught it in time.

Wow Pompa, you mean that literally then about the saving of life! Good luck with that one and keep us in the loop.

I think a "phew!" is in order there, pomps. All the best!

The weirdest symptom that lead him to his preliminary diagnosis is that my feet have got bigger !!! (shame it does not work that way elsewhere). He has refereed me to an endocrinologist and ordered an MIR scan. Just got to bide my time.

Good luck Pompa - sounds as if all should be well!
For someone who seemed just slighty disapproving of the sexy gossip etc, that last remark of yours was a bit naughty was it not? Seriously, if this discussion got you to stop and think for a moment and perhaps helped solve a problem, then Hooray!!

Pompa good luck. Keep us posted.

Em, I am not disapproving, just [shocked]

Good luck Pompa