Men holding doors open for women

Oh, I like it when anyone (male or female) holds open a door for me. It is a kindness I feel.

Definitely b

It's nice when people are nice to people. and It's also nice when people appreciate people being nice to them!

Doesn't have to be a gender thing. Good manners and consideration are always welcome. When I was a young mum struggling on and off buses with baby, toddler and twin pushchair it was always other women who offered to help, and I was very grateful.

Good manners. I think it's been said before on here that kindness is one of the most important things in life.

Its only good manners whether male or female, I would not dream of letting a door go on anyone.

If I am laden and they are not, then holding it open until I get through is helpful.

I would not want them to stand for ages with it open,having seen me tottering along in the distance. However if I am just behind them I expect them to at least hold it until I can get a grip of it myself, not let it swing back in my face. I do the same for others, whatever their age.

I thank those who are courteous and appreciate it when others thank me for my courtesy, instead of sweeping through like Lady Muck as though I were invisible.

And as for the crowd without parcels who stomp through unseeing behind the laden one I was holding it for in the first place ......

Manners are important things, and it's easier to teach a child when they are small. A couple of years ago, someone kindly held a shop door open for me whilst I was struggling with a load of shopping, it was Christmas. As I was about to go through, a young woman, I won't refer to her as a lady, barged through and almost sent me and my shopping flying. The gentleman who was holding the door remarked that she had been rude. I think afterwards he wished he hadn't. The language that came from her mouth was vile, and at quite a volume, The gist of her outburst was that just because I was older I was not as important as she, and that there are too many old people getting in her way.
I didn't wish her a Merry Christmas.

Sometimes I feel that when someone almost sends us flying, it would be better to actually fall over, scream, clutch at a hip or wrist and shout loudly about sueing them. If they believe it will hit their pockets to barge about, maybe they would think twice.

I would never advocate actual rudeness - pushing past, not noticing people have baggage etc - I just feel quite independent and don't really like the blanket helping of one gender - it makes me distrust the motives for doing so, which isn't "true" kindness, in my opinion.

Having said that, happy to see everyone else doesn't struggle with being so constantly angry as me!

New Month's Resolution: be less annoyed...

No effblinder you are not alone in your generalised anger. This has made me think though - there must come a point where a man holding a door open for a woman is no longer about gender but more about age. I'm not sure which is worse.....

I have often held a door open for a man. Why not the other way round too? No problem. Half the time I probably don't even remember five minutes later whether it was a man or a woman. It was a kind/polite person. If any other motive is not hitting you in the face, why worry about it? <chilled shrug>

I love having the door open for me, whoever it is. It's just nice to think people still consider each other.

Effblinder, if you know your shoe lace is undone, why not do it up?If you don't know it is undone surely the person who speaks about it is possibly saving you from a nasty accident. I'm sure the remark is kindly meant and not accusatory.

This reminds me of when I was a fairly enthusiastic feminist back in the 80s. I was doing an Open University Summer School 'Changing Experience of Women' which was quite radical. I was going along a corridor with a friend when a kind gent (one of the tutors) opened a door for me and I made a negative comment about his behaviour being sexist (yes, I know, I cringe now when I think of it). The gent concerned was so angry with me for the rest of the week that I became frightened. I think I had insulted his manhood in front of his friends.

Of course, one of the points made on the course was that chivalrous men get a feeling of superiority to the women they are being chivalrous to so I see where Effblinder is coming from.

So what if they feel superior? That doesn't make them so. Besides, I'm not sure it's true of people who are genuinely polite. They don't go around being polite in order to feel superior.

And I thought I was cynical!

And if someone is being chivalrous just to be a show-off, so what again? So they're showing off. Doesn't make anyone else inferior.

I hold open the door for others and appreciate it when the same is done for me. Ages ago I remember entering a building with DH as my guest and the security guy ignored me and asked DH directly for his pass. I said something along the lines of 'it's interesting you chose to ask my guest and not me' and felt awful afterwards. It's not clever to cut someone down to size and I know DH was embarrassed

I don't give a damn whether this or that person thinks they are superior. It doesn't make any difference to me, only to them, poor sods.

Think back to previous ages when women were cossetted but there were so many things they were not allowed to do because of unsuitability or that it wasn't ladylike.

goldengirl, that reminds me of a time I was doing a course at St Andrews. My husband joined me for the last few days. We were eating out and I was paying as I had done throughout the course. The proprietors of an Italian and an Indian restaurant we ate at both did double takes when I asked for the bill. But attitudes will never change until they are challenged.

The women in my family were not cosseted, petallus. My paternal grandmother earned her keep from the age of twelve and supported her mother from the age of nineteen. She didn't marry till she was in her thirties. My maternal grandmother grew food for a family of six people on an allotment and a garden, by herself. I suspect they were not unusual.

People opening doors in a gender free way - fine. Men opening doors for women (though not each other) as a sign of 'respect' or whatever does not help if a woman wants to become chairman of the board, for example.

Why?

The men do know she can open doors herself.