need a friend

nuttynana Since I joined the happy band of Gransnetters, my lonely days are well and truly over...

soop that brought a lump to my throat.

glass I cannot begin to thank Gransnet for all the good it has done for me. Whenever I log on, it feels as if I'm entering a comfortable room filled with welcoming people.

Me too, glass. It's like popping into the village coffee shop and finding all your mates in there!

I like looking at people's profiles, particularly if they have a photo. Mind you , if I were the jealous type I would have gone right off one of my favourite members because she is just too damned good looking! (You know who you are.)

carol -That's a great way of putting it!

As soon as my very close friend's husband retired, she began to withdraw from the things we did together. We used to chat on the phone most days and drive off to do and see different things. I had a feeling that it would happen this way because he's quite a controlling person, so wasn't surprised when it did happen. Sometimes now, it's hard to carry on a conversation when we see each other because he's always there (!) and anyway, we no longer seem to have the same things in common, somehow. Like crimson, I often worry about if I'm taking up someone's time when I'm phoning or when visiting, and I'm wary of outstaying my welcome. People that I meet seem to think I'm a confident person, but that's really not the case - underneath the bubbly exterior, I'm wobbling inside!

green -'underneath the bubbly exterior...' there is a person who goes under the name of Soop

There are a few of us, I think, SOOP !

And some of us without even the 'bubbly exterior'!

I think a lot of the time I look a bit like the 'confused' emoticon, Anagram - never very sure if I've said or done the right thing!!

Oh SOOP, thats so familiar.....I seem far more confident than I really am, years of covering up a lack of confidence. My other problem is that I'm tall and a size 16. Over the years people have said things, even to my face assuming that I have a thick skin and am emotionally tough. I admit that I suffer from the odd dose of 'foot in mouth' when I'm rattling away to cover up my embarrassment, but I always apologise profusely. Hey ho! At least I don't get in a muddle talking to the dog!

That's me to a T Hilda. I had to be super-confident on the surface before I retired, but for the whole of my career I had this notion that one day I would be rumbled and someone would notice I was a gibbering wreck underneath and say 'what are you doing in this job?'

I do talk too much when I'm feeling uncomfortable - I'm never sure if I've said enough to convince people that I'm being genuine or that they have understood me, so won't be offended if I say something that could be misinterpreted. Fortunately, I've got a couple of close friends who I don't have to explain myself to!

And me!

I found several friends shied away when I got divorced - I think their husbands thought I would infect them!

More likely the women thought their husbands would fall for you, Greatnan!

Like HildaW I'm tall, too. At school I was the class clown and carried on acting the fool through most of my life, I think. It somehow seemed easier to do that than being totally ignored because I was shy!

We learn so much from each other. Underneath we are not so unalike...it's just that a few GN have confidence to spare and share

Oh Green same I could clown for Britain,and even now humour is my defence mechanism people do not believe I am shy,I will talk to people and make people feel comfortable....then go home and worry what they thought of me

Oh well, looks like I'm on my own then! Because I'm reserved, I come over as unfriendly, but inside I'm just dying to be bubbly and extrovert - it just isn't me, I'm afraid. A quote from Victoria Wood has stuck in my mind for many years "Shyness after the age of 30 is an affectation." So I have tried not to appear shy ...

Another tall and inwardly shy gran here. Helps so much to know other people feel the same way. The world seems full of women my age out with their friends. I don't know if I have less friends since partly retiring or if I just notice the gaps. Gransnet has been my salvation too.it's hard to make new friends when you feel underconfident.

Anagram I try to find the quietest person on their own in a crowd or gathering then concentrate on talking to them and making them feel comfortable I dont think you are unfriendly you arent on your own here you sounded so unhappy then and a

sewsilver I agree joining in with women our own age in a clique is as daunting as trying to break into an established group as teenagers this is for you too

Oh, thank you so much, nellie! ((hug))

I'm generally happy with my own company and luckily have several friends BUT I do suffer from 'verbal diarrhoea' if a stranger starts a conversation.
Today, in town, someone said they liked the mac I was wearing. Instead of just saying thankyou, smiling and walking on, I launched into a description of where I bought it, the fact that it had been reduced so was a bargain, that I had a similar one in black.
People must think 'poor old dear, no-one to talk to!'
These posts have set me wondering about friendship, the nature of which does change as we get older.
Primary school friends, playing for hours without a care in the world.
Secondary school friends close and confiding (crying over boyfriends, keeping secrets)
College friends, a difficult time as I started 3 weeks after everyone else and by then close friendships were established so it was difficult to 'break into' a group and I felt an outsider for a long time.
Will stop there......I think the point is made.