Lil's Bar

I think gramps has been helping himself to the 'garden produce' a bit too freely!

I was just going to say Anagram, whatever grampsis on, I'll have a large one please!

Dear ol' Ansa - I jon't know watch ya meann!

I lefsht sixpence on the honesly box!!

Soops , Soops , Soops , what on earth is going on ? this is getting quite intolerable . You will have to bring on your good common sense and sort this lot out. I mean it . [wine, large one pls, hope it"s a decent white ]

Nonu Common sense is a no-no! The chaps [you know who] have run amok. Lil seems to have lost control. She's far too eager to enhance her dubious low-life celeb status. Never there when she's needed to restore a sense of decorum. It's all gutter press and who's who [or not] from hereon. Oh how this once-upon-a-time establishment has gone to pot. Pot being the ...

...probable cause of gramps's strange hallucinations! Unless, of course, there really is a secret trap-door in the cellar which Lil has kept secret for reasons best known to herself... Perhaps someone should investigate - not me, I'm frightened by The Unknown!

Ana...don't go there! It's a crafty ploy. The chaps are trying to entice we innocent lassies to take a peek. Stay rooted to the bar stool. There's safety in numbers. What will you have? The drinks are on me.

I think I'll have a pint of Drambuie after the thought of being enticed into the cellar by gramps and Pete! Thanks, soop, I don't know what we lassies would do without you....

Ana... think nothing of it. Those two Casanovas think that we're easy game. How wrong can they be. We're only here for the alcohol - and possibly a little light entertainment from some intelligent source or other. Having used the word - intelligent - I'm wondering whether or not we're in the wrong establishment.

Em , do you do Margeritas , or Bloody Marys ?

Nonu...whilst Lil is elsewhere, you can sample anything you like. Shall we start from left to right? Or what? And we'll not need a measure!

Nonu and Ana...Mr soop says Wallander is about to start. Sorry, must dash. Enjoy your cocktails [and remember not to go into the cellar!] xx

gramps have you had your medication today? cos mixing it with the 'herb garden' can lead to all sorts of carry-on. The honesty box was located in the snug it contained a tanner and an 'iou'...which I will sort out a week next Tuesday As soops in the chair mines a large one....second thoughts make it a pint... any ladies fancy a go on the pool table

As long as you promise not to sink the pink one
Lil has asked me to pin this notice on the door for you all to read.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
Dear punters,in my absence you have all been running amok , so much so that I have decided to forgo my pleasure on the back bench,and return to take you lot in hand again.
I am relinquishing all staff as I don't like mixing busIness with pleasure,you lot can have pleasure in front of the bar,and not behind it.
I have been polishing my pumps ,especially my ample bosom bishops hat is nice and lively, and the nuns knickers are cleaned and fresh.
The sawdust has been removed so woe betide any punter sullying my clean floor.
We have in honour of punters from north of the border,I have ordered a lively little stout called jimmys sporran it is lively enough to tickle the fancy of even your maiden aunt,and hard enough to please them too.I will stick to being a martini girl....any time,any place,anywhere....right wot you lot 'avin...

Hey Pete, I've just popped in 'cos I fancied a Slow, Comfortable Screw, and I see you're up for one on the pool table......so, if you've placed the balls and got your cue lined up ,I'll be with you shortly.

Sounds like Lil is back with a vengeance. Told that she was forced to relinquish her seat on the back bench...not enough room for her and her entourage of toy-boys, hangers-on and chaps in uniform. Apparently the Speaker called 'order, order...' that many times he was booed something horrid.
Pete the tanner you put into the poor honesty box, is a fake. Now, fair do's, stop trying to diddle Lil out of her lolly.
Make mine a half of jimmy's sporran and for good measure I'll have a wee dram chaser...hic!

Spoilsport Nell Lil your up and down like a Bride's Nightie...... Is any one looking after the interests of the Fumble residents ? My small holding in Fumble-cum-Hardy now has no MP Anyway I'll have an ample bosom thank you kindly..

ella Cue at the ready shall we make it best of three....

Ella and Pete

Let's go for it Pete! I've potted a few balls in my time! Might need another cock-tail first though

LIl is a fickle character and gets bored very easily....the cries of order from the back bench was only referring to forming an orderly queue .
ella please be careful of my baize whilst enjoying your long sloe comfortable screw as Pete has been known to be overly excited when trying to pot his pink,his aim is somewhat erratic which leads to a premature shot and then game over.
soop hope you enjoyed your sniff of jimmys sporan
pete your small holding is safe in your own hands,although Lil may make an exception if you need a helping hand
pete please will you stop trying to diddle me and keep your hands where I can see them....

Steady ella them cock-tails will get you giddy....hate you to miss the 'potters paradise' that awaits

Sounds more like a cock up waiting to happen....make sure he chalks his tip frequently....and try not to pot the brown one

Pete I'm at my best when a bit giddy, although I can't promise not to grab your cue when I shouldn't!
And many a paradise has been lost when Lil's ample bosoms have spilled out onto the baize!

I think I might be better under the table actually

You can grab my cue any time you fancy ella.. but its too busy now, the pool table not the cue Best make it after last orders tonight so take it easy at the bar...pace yourself.. its a fine line between 'giddy and pissed too giddy ask nell