Lil's Bar

That's the trouble these days, Pete - too many chiefs and not enough Indians! I've not been given a job description or anything! I'll just have to use my common-sense . Well, we'd better get started clearing up before the Environmental Elf gets here - we know what SHE can be like when she gets a bee in her bonnet! I'll just nip out the back for a quick fag.....I think I've got a 'doofer' in my pinny pocket (my old mum used to call them that, bless her)!

Just to clarify Lil is the owner and manager and pays the wages and does the hiring and firing,I have m,y own career I am matron'but for some reason Lil uses me as her mouthpiece as I am used to handling people..one has to have some perks to ones job...Lil is very pleased at the way things are progressing,she likes to run a happy ship,all we need now is to get some regular characters in,and start making some money...Lil is looking for slogans to advertise her wares....and a sample menu for chef any ideas should be brought up in the staff meeting today...don't bother to tidy up no doubt it will be the same tomorrow perhaps gramps and Isiah will chuch some more sawdust down and mop the gents...just chuck the dirty laundry in the sink with the dishes...green fag ash and baccy sound a good combination and round the back by the outside lav is some herbal plants they have 5 leaves and tase wonderful in a space cake,sorry mean spice cake..can be added to other recipes as well....I will be in my office if I am needed Lil has asked me to cook her books and advertise for a creative accountant...

By the way soop is going to paint a Muriel for the wall make sure she is supplied at all times with treble malt.....and help yourselves to staff perks....

Cor, my hangover is a blast! Popping in to Lil's for glass of tap water. Lil's prices are reasonable [for her mates] but a bit steep for the odd proper customer. Gracious me, what a mess! Who's been using the soda syphon to knock Lil's three plaster ducks off the wall? I can see that I'll need rubber gloves, a pinny, carbolic soap and a bucket of rainwater from the outside barrel to clean this lot up. Can't work on my 'muriel' until I can find the wall on which I hope to create a masterpiece...sure it was behind the bar...so, who shifted it?

I'd lend you my pinny, soop, but I'll be wearing it all week, and it's always handy if I forget to bring my hanky. Just nipped out round the back of the lav - thunderbox we used to call it in my younger days - and found the five-leaved plants Littlenellie mentioned. I picked some of that, and some of the rhubarb that grows next to the lav wall. We could have a lovely crumble! Maybe the cook will let me give the rhubarb a wipe? Cook might want to use the 5-leaved herbs to 'season' the crumble, perhaps?

Maybe I should create a herb box or two then, a good mixture and you can try and guess what they are, don't tell anyone though, you never know who might come and pinch some! Ready in time for Autumn crumble possibly?
I haven't seen GrannyHaggis for a while, is she away? But good to see merlot gran back again, I note elsewhere there is now a Burgundy gran too, are there any Sauvingnons or Pinots amongst us?

green I'm very choosy. Cleanliness is next to godliness [and all that] so I regret that I cannot accept your generous offer to share your pinny. I have nominated myself to be the Lil's bar cleaner. Once a day, whether you lot like it, or not, I shall empty the bar and snug and kitchen of all personnel. You'll be sent to stand in the car park. I intend scrubbing the pots and pans with wire wool. The freezer and cooker are going to shine. The bar will receive a good deal of elbow grease and the sawdust changed. No dirty glasses to be left on the tables. All ash trays emptied. The WC will win an award...I'm painting the walls pure white and there will be fluffy, clean towels - and posies of wild flowers on the shelf. Out goes the scratchy Izal. In comes the Andrex. The hanging baskets will be watered by gramps and Pete can polish the brass. When I've performed a minor miracle, the door will open and you lot will be welcome to return. I have to warn you, any disgusting habits [that I witness], will be noted on the blackboard headed Today's Specials. So, who would like a decent pint in a gleaming glass? Don't all rush...an orderly queue, if you please.

soop remember to wrap your hair in a turbon (think Hilda Ogden) it will keep all the dust and sawdust out of your hair,I am off shift until to-morrow but have left a big pan of scouse and beetroot for supper menu if anyone wants to help themselves,I will leave an honesty box by the bar ???

glamma Are you 'avin' a laff! Honesty Box! Like the sound of the supper menu. What exactly is it? I'm about to starch some napkins. They'll be numbered. Any go missing, I want to know about it.

That soop can be a bit of a martinet when she gets going, can't she?

Starched napkins Has Lil been watching too much Downton?

Lil doesn't know [yet] that I'm in charge of domestic duties. When I walked in earlier today and saw the utter chaos, I almost had a touch of the vapours. Hyacenth Bucket would have needed resuscitating [with a double brandy]. Haven't set eyes on the chaps. They'll be in for right telling off when I catch them.

soop seeing to the brass will suit me down to the ground. Cheers!

I can almost hear the revolt starting, SOOP the chaps won't like all that clean and shiny stuff, it spoils the taste of Lil's Ample Bosoms! As for the fluffy towels... well you've got to be kiddin'.. with gramps around??

That's fine then, Pete. Since you appear to be almost house proud I'll let you off the scolding this time...but be warned!

Ella What I may decide to do, is allow the boys to use the games room unhindered by mops, buckets, polish, brooms, disinfectant, and bossy domestics. On the understanding that wait on we girls in order to take advantage of the priviledge.

You and I will make a good team, soop. My hygiene is second to none, having been trained by both mother (Fag-ash Fan) and mother-in-law (Slack Agnes), who was very careful to boil father-in-law's drawers in the soup pot whether they needed it or not. Such were her standards. ['proud' emoticon]

Should have written ...that they wait on we girls...

We could be classed as opposites that attract, green. My lovely mum wouldn't allow me to use the front door [meant for visitors] or go to the bathroom [when she had just that minute cleaned it] or walk in my newly polished shoes until I was about to leave the house [so I sat on the kitchen table]. Mind you, I was but a wee child at the time...and knew no better.

Pete, if it`s a pint glass, 2 thirds port to one third lemonade please.

I`m a bit scared to come back there now, that Soop`s put the fear of God into me!

number Shh...don't be afraid. I'm a real pussy cat at heart. It's just that standards are at rock bottom. If Lil is to get a decent clientele, someone, [the cleaner] has to take a firm stand. Nellie would have been horrified had she wandered into the dive bar earlier today.
Would you like a cherry on a stick for you portcocktail? We aim to please.

number like your style..but a little too much lemonade? soop has got a bit giddy....but she has told me I can see to the brass so thats ok with me! Cheers

That's it for another day of fun-filled high-jinx. The kitchen [my own] needs an attendant. I'll leave number to look after the bar. Keep a very beady eye on the boys ...they tend to forget their manners after a couple of pints of you-know-what!