How judgmental are you?

Hurray you are on the way back greatnan!

I have always liked the fact that I can come on GN and talk about anything, whether happy, sad, humourous or whatever. There are people who have given me loads of support at times. I have laughed till tears rolled down my face, and tears of another type at other times.

I see everyone on hear as virtual friends who I can pop in and have a chat with whenever I feel like it, and it's good to know there is usually someone there. I love the fact that we discuss just about everything. If we don't agree on some things, that is just the way it is. It is a good thing we are not all the same!

Welcome back, greatnan.

I hope this doesn't disappoint those who think there are hidden cliques or gangs, but when my sister and I met Annobel and whenI'm we had a lovely, chatty lunch and as far as I recall we didn't mention any other gransnetters, except my good friend Juragran, but that was just about how helpful she is to me (she is meeting me at Geneva airport tonight!) and it had nothing whatsoever to do with this forum!
I like the idea that people are talking about me in pms - much better than being ignored. .
I really don't think I need to be told whether or not I can send someone a pm or arrange a meeting with them. Those who don't wish to avail themselves of these chances of friendship are not obliged to do so. I am very grateful to this and to various ex-pat forums for introducing me to some very special women.

I've had those. Not so many since I changed the time-out setting - by the time I had carefully constructed a wonderful post, I had been disconnected and had to start again if I could remember what I had said. I suppose it did spare everyone some longwinded boredom.

Petallus and Ella - if you decide not to post what you've written, you don't even have to delete it, just go out of that thread and your post disappears.
That's why you have to make sure you have actually clicked on Post Message when you've spent ages composing and honing a wonderful post which mysteriously didn't appear on the thread....

Yes, a simple 'like' button is all that is needed for some posts. I wonder why we don't have one on here? GERALDINE?!?!

Beautifully put, absent. I have clicked the "like" button too.

With you all the way absent (oh dear- let's hope me agreeing won't make us seem as a 'clique' )

I am active on one other Forum local to where I live. At the bottom of each post, there is a 'thank you' button you can click if you agree with the previous poster - very useful. (+ also the 'edit' function which is also great).

Oh please make the joke pet and you just have to erase all the words and there's nothing to post!

I was going to make a joke but changed my mind in case it backfired but it seems once you have started a preview you have to post something.

Well said. absent

absent - I agree. A very clear and thoughtful post. Thanks for putting your views across so well.

Good for you absent. I wish I could come to the Glasgow meet up, but I am going there tomorrow for the weekend, so it's a case of right place wrong time!

Bravo absent

Well said, absent. Have been wanting to say something along those lines but faltered at how to do it eloquently. You've saved me a chore .

What is the point of belonging to a forum that discusses all kinds of topics ranging from the frankly flippant to the deadly serious if you "can't bring yourself to post [your] comments" but feel obliged to seek some kind of comfort for your timidity from another member by sending a personal message?

Surely the whole point is, if a topic interests you and you have a comment to make, post it. If it is simply interesting to read other people's posts, you can do that easily enough – it's often a thought provoking process when a conversation is on a topic about which one is pretty ignorant. If the topic doesn't interest you, then don't bother to read it.

I am so fed up with this spurious and often repeated suggestion that Gransnet has a bunch of cliquey cosy groups. Some members have met up. I had lunch with glassortwo a few weeks ago and we talked about a wide range of topics, many of them personal. We got on very well, which is what I expected having read her posts for over a year and being aware of things that we have in common. I am looking forward to the lunch in Glasgow in just over a week. This will be a bigger group, some of whom are perhaps less familiar posters (to me) than others. It's not a plot; it's just a social occasion. It does seem that some people are such sensitive flowers that they feel permanently persecuted on numerous threads. I don't think any one of us is that important. Get over it!

I agree, Elegran. But also, and this has popped up on another thread, there are those of us who have learned to keep quiet (er) for a while after some scathing or dismissive comment. Which, to be fair, is how I'd behave in any group, until I found my feet again.

I do not see any "cliques" at all. Again, in any group of people, there are those with whom one can easily identify; equally, there are those whom it takes time to get to know and so on. But I love our diversity and our friendship.

I was off to bed just after my last post, petallus and did reflect that I could have put that better. That is the danger of being drawn into an exchange when you are tired from a day month with a pinched sciatic nerve that screeches when you move and aches when you sit still.

I am not into dishing out insults. If anything you should be flattered that you seem to have the confidence to speak out and challenge a point. My point was that many do not, and are on the forum for chat and company, not to engage in debate. However, after reading an exchange they might pm one of the protagonists to agree or disagree. Rather as they might not join in a spirited discussion on a bus, even one in which several strangers were already contributing opinions, but they might well comment as an aside to their neighbour, or later to someone who was involved.

That is not the same as tittle-tattle or ganging up as a clique.

I still think that private messaging has more going for it than against it. As with everything, it can be used or abused, but it does a lot of good.

grannya

Kitty thanks for such an interesting and thought provoking OP. I think I’m pretty good at seeing people and situations from a non-prejudiced point of view and I’ll try to explain why. I have first hand experience of many lifestyles and life-events. I have a large family, whom I love, and we all have different experiences and views on life; some of which appear ‘fixed’ and others I know are changeable. I know that I am personally a mass of contradictions and that at different times in my life I’ve held opinions and beliefs which are at odds with some of my current views. I like to think that I am reasonable and well informed, but some of my favourite people hold completely different views to me and we can agree to differ without casting slurs on one another’s intelligence etc. Having said all of that, I do know there will be times when I stereotype people or situations and I try to acknowledge that.

I think really it's human nature to bicker/debate/argue/forget it!

We are all human aren't we?

I think it was good that you did, Kitty. A lot of the stuff that came out in the thread (not your intention, I know) about PMs and cliques and people not wanting to post for various reasons, has been rumbling below the surface for a while and needed an airing.
Actually I think it is a feature of forums that there are times of the year / weather conditions when people get a bit cranky and this may be one of them.
When GNHQ gives us lots of new activities for the new term it will all cheer up again.

kitty,

It has been quite entertaining, in a wacky sort of way. Like, jess, I laughed at the irony sometimes.

I'm sorry I asked really