So who am I then?

I am me. I wear a lot of hats [metaphorically speaking] and it depends on the situation which one I wear. I'm quite happy to be DH's wife when appropriate and he's quite happy to be my husband when the focus is on me so it works out well. I've fortunately not been in a situation for ages where I'm 'looked down on' as being 'the wife' which is gratifying.

Print I think you should say what you like and that whoever said that to you should be shot! Sometimes these things can get very competetive and I would just say as little as possible depending upon the circumstances. I remember going on a course and as the introductions went round the table it seemed that each person had more 'qualifications' than the one before. I was near the end so I just said my name is ............. and I'm here to gain a qualification!

Many years ago I was always someone's wife or mother but then when I returned to work was occassionally invited on a 'jolly' and took along DH he found it strange to be my appendage instead of the other way round. He soon got used to it and enjoyed it.

We are also content to be together and thought of by others as a unit. That is just what we are and proud of it! It takes hard work to make a marriage successful there is no luck involved. I am also proud of my major achievement, my children, who have all grown up to be loving, confident, independent people who we love and who love us.

Greatnan I think you misunderstood me. I didn't mean you had put anyone down. I meant that being happy to be a wife is seen as a sort of weakness by some other women. 'Thought I was more than that' suggests that the leader of the meeting felt that way.

VQ - just a little misunderstanding there. I think every couple should be able to work out their relationship to their own satisfaction, and if the traditional role suits a woman, good luck to her. I had to put up with a lot of flack from some 'stay-at-home' mothers when I decided to do a full-time degree - one said 'Oh, I couldn't do that, my standards are too high'. None of them knew the reasons that had made me decide to study again and I didn't feel the need to explain myself. I would never criticise any woman for making a different choice from me. No doubt there are even women who would enjoy 'submitting' to a man and as long as it is done voluntarily it is her own business.

I never minded being introduced as 'Mr Lily's wife' if we were at a social or formal occasion on his side and he never minded being introduced as 'Lily's husband' if it was on my side. In the context, that's what we were there as. I was rather surprised though when a North African student explained that as a mother, I would now politely be called 'Mother of (name of DS)' in Arabic. That seemed more like losing any individual identity!

Or just 'Mother'

Oh, that reminds me of my granddad! He always called my granny 'Mother'

"Good lady wife"....there's a phrase that makes me want to vomit!

I always thought the worst invitations were not the ones that said Mr.and Mrs
first and last name of husband.

But the ones that said Mr. whoever and Lady.
They really got up my nose!
This was in the early seventies.

Or the 'little lady'

That reminds me of Harry Enfields 'Women know your limits!'

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

Love it, vampirequeen!

I know my limits, so I'm staying on my own with the tv remote, and the toilet seat and lid down!

vampirequeen brilliant! Ella46

Thank you, VQ, I had forgotten that!
I changed my name after my divorce because I did not want to be known by either my father's or my ex-husband's name. I was able to choose a name I really liked and my daughters like it so much that it is the middle name of two of the grandsons.
My sister's DIL refuses to be known by her married name so cards have to be addressed to Jane Doe and Bill Blogs.

I regret keeping my married name, but when I divorced, the boys were still at home and it would have confused the issue if Mum had had a different name. My sister, who is a doctor, kept our family name professionally so had no trouble disentangling her name from her ex's.

I didn't keep my family name as I was going into GP with my father. I want to be Dr x not Dr Ys little daughter!

Makes sense, jeni.

I will blue these links for you . I think you will find it of interest

http://www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/mandatory-consideration-consultation-response.pdf

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/atos-scandal-benefits-bosses-admit-1344278

Not blue!

How strange. They went blue then black again!
Now blue again. I'm too tired tonight but will read tomorrow.

all!

www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/mandatory-consideration-consultation-response.pdf

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/atos-scandal-benefits-bosses-admit-1344278

I wish I hadn't read it! So much anger can't be good for me this late at night.

Sorry, Greatnan, they were really meant for jeni though I am sure most of our membership will feel incensed by the record of Atos and as horrified as I am by their being chosen to conduct the assessments for the new Personal Independence Payment which is to replace Disability Living Allowance.

Strangely enough I would have been annoyed at being referred to as 'my husband's wife' when we were married but since our divorce I have kept his name and, even if I remarried [which I won't do anyway] I would still keep that name. However rocky our marriage became and however glad I was to escape from it it was always meant to be for life, and it's also the name of my children. I seem to remember a comment from him through the awful fog that envelopped our marriage breakdown that I would 'always be his wife'; it wasn't meant in an 'ownership way' and I somehow cling to that remark.

My daughters both chose to change their name when I did - they were 16 and 17. We just did not like my husband's surname, it wasn't a statement about the marriage. One daughter got married, divorced and remarried, so she has had four names.

I think that there is loads of luck involved in a successful marriage. Mr absent and I have been very lucky. If the only thing that made it a success was hard work, why would anyone bother?