Do you ever feel intimidated?

I feel like you absent. When energetic debates are in full flow, they are interesting and also can be challenging, but I don't feel that they are personal and certainly not meant to intimidate. I like to see fair play and no-one should feel cornered by an argument. We are all entitled to have our own views even if others disagree. Having dealt with harassment and bullying in the work setting, I have seen how a pattern of low-level needling of a person can wear them down as much as a on-off personal attack, and any sign of such needling usually gets picked up and challenged on Gransnet before it gets off the ground. That's a healthy way to deal with it, I think.

The strong and strident women on here are also the ones who are open to being questioned and challenged. I notice that they don't take offence, nor do they carry issues over to other threads. They can strongly disagree with others in one thread, and fully support those they have disagreed with on another.

Stick around nanadogsbody,please

Well said jane

Sometimes I feel what to others might seem like being intimidated, but perhaps because I grew up in an debating household where we could have 'fierce' or 'passionate' debates without falling out, I recognise the feeling as what might be called the buzz of debate. At least, I think that's what I mean.

I noticed that you seemed a bit upset on GN recently, nanadogs, but I thought that had passed.

Like absent, I don't think there are any regular posters on GN who would deliberately try to intimidate another GN-er. In some subjects 'nit-picking' and continually trying to agree a definition is what it's all about. To me that's just a way of increasing understanding and of reaching agreement, even if the agreement is to differ from, but accept the other point of view.

There are some types of threads I don't post on because I don't feel I can fit in with the prevalent 'mood'.

I hooe you feel better soon, nanadogs, and can find plenty that suits you on GN. There should be plenty. It is fairly diverse.

Trouble is Lily that the mum was rescued when she was small enough to sit in the palm of my hand and used to sleep on my neck to keep her warm. The four fonts were born in my office and have never known anywhere else than being with me. They have to be fussed and loved in a familiar environment and not hired out. Apparently stroking cats is really good for blood pressure, so mine must be magnificent – except first thing in the morning when the cats yowl and beat a bastinado on the bedroom door from five o'clock onwards.

Sorry everyone for deviation.

LOL for the digression. I meant to add I'm not going anywhere because the benefits outweigh the trepidation. Anyway I also judge assess the threads on 'mood music' and then decide whether to jump in or not. Stay please ndb

absentgrana Oh how your post took me back. Years ago we were adopted by a stray cat and he more or less took over the house! When he wanted feeding there was no peace for anyone and when he didn't want you to fuss him any more he would turn his back with his nose in the air as if to say you are dismissed!

Nanadog I'm really sorry you're having concerns about GN, and hope you will sail up and down on the waves and stay afloat. I say that because sometimes I have ups and downs with the forum, and it being the first and only forum I've ever participated in , it's taken me time to gain confidence.
I now wander around it - enjoying the vast array of experience, ideas and opinions - and side-step those that either don't capture my interest or feel I don't have enough knowledge to participate fully.
I've learnt a lot from GN and it's members and value that. At times I've had terrific support, which has meant a great deal.
I do hope you'll find your way with it soon. x

Well said Butternut

Do stick with us Nanadogsbody I'm a sidestepper too, though I enjoy reading what other people have to say. I also have days when I can't fit GN in so am absent for a while(no I'm not absent!) GN so supportive at times of trial, so don't go away

I`m very easily intimidated, so if I think a thread is going that way, then I stay away from it, as I`m another who doesn`t do confrontation very well. I also enjoyed the Midlands meet, although I didn`t contribute an awful lot, I enjoyed listening to everyone else!

I've never felt intimidated as such, and there are many things that I just have no/not enough knowledge of, so I cannot discuss them with confidence. Sometimes the tone of some of the posters can get a bit 'spikey', and at times like that I just tend to leave the thread for a while. Don't leave us nanadog? The world outside is just as 'spikey', and I'm sure you're able to deal with all of that .
I do know that if I did post something that received a reply that knocked me back a bit, then I wouldn't have a problem in smartly responding. That's the whole point of bringing things up that concern us. There's also the added bonus of not speaking out face to face! It may make things difficult in some ways, but useful in lots of others!

Yes, well said. I know it is because I have felt it too when I was new to forum discussion. Gransnet was the first online forum I joined too. I wasn't going to say this but it occurred to me that it might possibly be of help to nanadogs, so I will say it. I left gransnet once because I felt I couldn't cope with some "opposition". I was out on a limb (you can believe that, I daresay! ) and felt vulnerable. I left.

But I'm glad I came back.

I'm thinking now that perhaps there is something that could be called forum robustness that one learns, or absorbs, as one becomes used to the push and pull of forum debate. What we need is a way to parcel up some of this and send it to you, dogs.

Feeling intimidated is not nice at any time, but I have a genuine belief that if someone upsets you, the first thing is to tackle that person - "What you said really upset me/I felt shot down in flames/ I feel very hurt at what you said" If I have upset someone inadvertently I would welcome the opportunity to explain/apologise/make amends - and learn the lesson for the future.
This has worked for me sometimes and sometimes I have gone away upset all over again! But it helps nobody to internalise the hurt (which may be unintentional).
I also wonder if "feeling intimidated" is the same as "being intimidated". I can feel intimidated by strident people with loud voices . That is my perception only. They can't help that and may be lovely kind people given the chance.
So nanad if there have been specific instances - could you not pm the person/people in question and put your point to them directly? If you feel there is a culture of intimidation or bullying then of course that might make GN a place you do not want to be - but in that case, there are many more of us who would not want to be her either.
Each contribution is valuable and each GNetter entitled to a fair hearing, posts should be treated with the respect and consideration they deserve. We are grown women and have brought up our DC (if not also DGC) to treat others as we would wish to be treated have we not?

Yes, I had a similar experince when a poster we never see now got very personal in her attacks against grans who had been denied contact with their grandchildren, saying they nut be to blame. I stopped posting for nearly a fortnight, closed down my profile and changed my username, as she said she had been looking at certain personal details. Now, I feel stronger and would not be intimidated by such behaviour. I'm also glad I didn't leave

Nanadog, I also entreat you not to go,you are certainly not the only netter to feel the way you do, and why should you go? You have as much right on here as everyone else!

I have seen some very waspish posts on here that in 'real life' I would most certainly not put up with without a short sharp reply, but typing just isn't quick enough for me!
Just as well they weren't aimed at me then

Don't go.

Nanadogsbody I must say as yet I havn't felt intimidated, the reason is.....that if I don't like a post or what is being said on a post then I don't add my comments, I joined Gransnet right at the begining and over the following weeks it looked liked it ws going to be a nice friendly place to chat and ask advice on whatever topic, some of the threads to take an "abrupt" turn,I am not a confrontational person and to be honest I feel we all have enough stresses and strains in our everyday life without coming on a forum to battle it out, so what I would say is stick around and don't let the odd person spoil your enjoyment you could always prvt msg someone whom you trust and tell them how you feel and name names if you wish. I like to keep my chat lighthearted and throw in the odd virtual party ! of course we can also tell our problems etc where in no time, we will recieve support and advice. So if you feel like you don't want to post at the mo, then maybe be a lurker I myself don't post that often but do sit quietly in the corner and keep an eye on whats going on(well someone has to )!!! take care (they may need a drop of water)!

I once felt personally intimidated on an expat forum, but only because my user name was too close to my real one. I left, changed my name and then went back later. I think the pm is a good idea if you feel someone is getting at you.

I agree, Ella. I have felt intimated and occasionally hurt, and have been reluctant to post on several occasions recently although I had a point to make - sometimes it just doesn't seem worth the hassle.

I'm also wondering whether any member who does/did feel genuinely intimidated would want to admit to it openly?

I certainly believe that we should all be able to express our opinions and I like a bit of cut and thrust as much as anybody, having been brought up in that kind of household myself.

But sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it has occasionally gone too far. I think this would be alright in a face to face debate but it is more frustrating trying to cope with misunderstandings/accusations/rudeness online.

Surely for a good debate we want as many people to stay in it as possible and not run for cover or give up in despair so only one or two people are left?

Anyway Nandogsbody you can't go!! because they have bricked up the "way out" there is "no" escape! plus the GN police are on Guard! they will handcuff you to a chair and make you repeat " I will NOT leave Gransnet" *I will NOT leave "Gransnet" "I will....................

I've felt ignored! But not intimidated.
I HATE confrontation. This the first and only forum I have joined. I looked at mumsnet and another grannies one and was horrified!

Don't go * Nanadog*, there are a great bunch of people out there and eventually you will become addicted. I have been on for 18 months, I came on as GoldenGran, and I felt like you for a while, but now I love it, I don't post if I have nothing to say, but I read most of them, and admire those who are much more articulate than I. Plus, as Biker says, there is just no way out.

jeni, you, ignored? Surely not!! I don't like confrontation either - had too much of that in local politics. I prefer conciliation!

No.

Apologies if I am one of the bossy posters.

I can be strident, partly because I have been on messageboards for years (started on the Radio4 one which was like WW2 compared to here), and have pretty fixed views which I put over firmly, but I really like to read others' views which is why I am on messageboards. I find all chats with other people from different walks of life just so enlightening. So I do hope I am not putting others off.

I find I am sometimes riled by, for example, a Daily Mail article, then, still riled, come onto Gransnet and answer something in a strop instead of really taking on the tone of the original post.

Wil try to be more considerate in future.