Do you ever feel intimidated?

Nanadog I join in the enormous support and sympathy with the way you are feeling.Please don't go.
I feel not so much intimidated as exasperated by the strident tone (and the length ) of some postings.I get bored and just back off.
I am not a typist Writing never had much part in my professional career so I'm slow and it's an effort to compose a posting.I can't easily dash off an erudite presentation of my thoughts.
So I'll just pop in now and then!.

Conciliation is good, but even conciliation is only possible after the bumpy bits have been ironed out. (Check out the #ironing tweets over in Twitland; some very funny). Ironing out is not confrontation, and I think that's where problems arise, because people have different conceptions of what counts as acceptable 'ironing out' and what counts as unacceptable 'confrontation'. There's bound to be a fairly large grey area between the definitions we each have of those things. Just reminding myself of that helps me to put things in perspective sometimes – the main perspective being that, judging from my past experience of it, it is highly unlikely that someone is being deliberately nasty on gransnet.

Nanadogsbody and Grannyknot, I'm with you both

Yes!!

I feel that some posters are very entrenched In their views and put things very aggressively in a way that seems to try to belittle anyone who doesn't agree with them.

I have also felt that some people seem to quite deliberately ignore postings. I don't think I'm paranoid.

Like many others I am new to forums. I kind of picture them as a series of rooms where conversations are taking place on all kinds of subjects. If I stick my head round the door of a particular room and the conversation is dominated by one or two people with very strong views asking others to define their terms and justify their views I would just withdraw my head and go to another room where people were chatting to each other in a friendly way. That is what I have done now on gransnet. Perhaps my idea of forums is flawed. If so, no doubt someone will quickly point it out!

That's how I see them!
You would never find me on knitting or cooking for example!

annadom that's funny. I'm not really that intimidated by the GN forums, sometimes I just couldn't be bothered. And come to think of it, I took the debating trophy in high school for 3 years running. [amazed at myself emoticon].

Wow! A lot has been posted since I left and I hope I've read and understood everything.
Opinion seems mostly to be divided into three schools of thought. Those who think I lack the intellectual rigour to take part in the discussions and suggest politely I should retire to another less demanding thread. absent you sound like you think I'm not one of the 'posters who are very well informed and extremely articulate and therefore both good and speedy at expressing their opinions.' I don't know if I should feel annoyed, patronised or amused.
Then there are those who think the cut and thrust of the debate may get too much for me ( and themselves sometimes) and suggest retreat, to another thread. A sort of 'if you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen' but put nicely
Then there are those who also admit to feeling intimidated at times. And those who have expressed in PMs that GN was a kinder place to inhabit once upon a time.
But what has come over is that almost everyone has spoken up honestly and fairly and genuinely hopes that no one is being deliberately intimidated.
I have read some very harsh remarks on these forums and I have witnessed the low-level needling that when talked about. But I've also received a lot of support at dark times .
I will stick around if only to prove absent wrong! and i promise not to ignore jeni .

Do you know, I think what we sometimes have on Gransnet is something that could be called "a violent agreement".

nanadogsbody I am so pleased you started this thread. Hurrah that you aren't leaving

Nanadog I was commenting on other posters – not you.

An interesting remark from Ana. I hope that anyone who does feel intimidated will feel able to post here and feel safe.
And a final question to greatnan ..is that the shortest post you've ever written?

I took your intelligence, articulate postings, perception and abilities as read. And I'm glad you're going to stick around.
Sorry, sorry, sorry!

Thanks

Can I just say that I interpreted absent's post in a totally different way; it wasn't a put down in any way.

Yes.

Since when did you become a woman of few words, Greatnan? I hope you enjoyed your day out.

I now have a vivid image of Greatnan bound and gagged on her balcony, trying desperately to type more than one single word on her laptop which is only just within reach!

The only person who has ever intimidated me, has strangely disappeared

I am pleased you are staying nanadb. I thought gracesmum gave very good advice too. Some people may be articulate and have a lot of knowledge on some subjects but that does not mean they are more interesting or have more common sense than other posters.

Same here, crimson. Just shows how easy it is to get hold of the wrong end of the stick. Nobody's fault this happens; it just does because we're only in print and can't see facial expressions. Having met absent, I know she would never have deliberately tried to put you down, dogs.

jeni – so are knitting and cooking confrontational? Or am I picking up the spoon/knitting needle at the wrong end? I know you have a sense of humour and wil 'get' that. [hopes she's right emoticon]

I'm going to say something really, really honest now, to everybody so please don't any individual 'take offence': might we, just sometimes, be a little too ready to take offence? Every time there is a jolly good debate about something or other, in which there are quite strongly opposing views expressed, somebody chips in with a complaint because they don't want the discussion to continue. Usually they are not one of the people doing the bulk of the debating. It's as if they come into the discussion 'room' in question, see that there are opposing views being 'ironed out', and just seem to OBJECT to the very fact that there is disagreement. Then they complain that they are being ignored if the main antagonists (who are not falling out or abusing each other, or anyone else, but just discussing something vigourously), being a bit shell-shocked by the, to them, pointless interruption, don't answer it. I read a tweet today supposedly from the Dalai Lama (does he really tweet?). I can't remember it exactly, but in effect it said that when one feels the need to criticise others, one should rather look inside oneself and do the criticising there. It really isn't fair for people who don't like strong debates to keep criticising those who do. There are hundreds of threads on gransnet. Surely there ought be enough for everyone to find threads they do like without having to repeatedly complain about the ones they don't?

I am sympathetic to the feeling of fragility that can arise from a subject on GN. I've felt it myself, often, and still do. But I really don't think it helps to complain rather than either pitch in with a will or 'leave the room' that makes one feel fragile.

I empathise with your feelings about this issue Bags. There is such a world of difference between intended but pointless interruption in a good debate, and pausing a discussion when personal criticism appears to be taking place. Regular posters have come to recognise this pattern of someone interfering unnecessarily, and have been able to say it is happening. We should give credit to those involved to be able to hold their own in a debate, not start complaining that someone could be offended when they are clearly not.

I like the Dalai Lama - he's a sensible man.

Out of interest I went back on the religion threads and there are a few unpleasant remarks on both of them which are still there for anyone who can be bothered to take a look.

I don't think it is just a question of over sensitivity.

Or if it is there are an awful lot of us who are over sensitive.