Moving out of the family home due to age/mobility issues?

I confess to not having read all the posts. So forgive me if someone has already suggested..................a stair lift.

Would be cheeper than the bath/shower room extension. My mum used one of these for years, and was able to stay in her home because of it. Unfortunately she is now in a residential home due to mental heath problems.

She is doing fine, Mishap, just peeved at missing out on her very active lifestyle in the middle of Summer! She has a wheelchair and her husband is home this week, but her daughter has just finished the second year of her nursing training and is now on holiday, so she is being well looked after. I have been very good, and not said a word about all the lectures she gave me on keeping safe while walking in the mountains! Wearing trainers on wet slopes - I ask you!
I won't be bungee jumping or parachuting - I may be slightly eccentric but I am not raving mad! I do a fair bit of scrambling over rocks on my walks here, but they are not quite vertical faces . In fact, when I watch the rock climbers here it makes my knees turn to jelly!
Yes, we did consider that we could move my cabin, but it would cost quite a bit to get the foundation laid and the mains services connected so the other options seem better.

Summerof75,

We thought we could look after elderly FIL by all living together. All I can say it takes a very special sort of person to do this even if there is plenty of money around to buy equipment like stair lifts etc. We could not cope and I really dont reccommend it unless you and your partner are very very special.

What I will reccommend is that you insist that your parents sit down and make a list of all the things that you can do. Get advise for as many organisations/charities as you can as available help varies from area to area. Make it very clear to them as best you can that they must come up with a plan whilst they are mentally and emotionally up to it. What they dont want is to leave it too late so that choices are imposed upon them by others less caring than you. We would gently make suggestions to FIL before he was too poorly and we allowed him to prevaricate........it seems kinder at the time but ITS NOT! Please tell them that it would be so much better if they can make plans now, I am in my mid 50s and I have already started introducing the subject to my daughters letting them know the general idea about my end of life wishes. Its a bit like writing a will, if you dont tell them how you want to live at the end of your life then how will they know? P.S. would be good idea to introduce subject of Powers of Attorney too........at least we had that so that when FIL was gaga we could keep his finances ticking over as he would have wished.

Excellent advice, Hilda. Goodwill is not enough.

I think if my wife had been alive there could have been problems living with Dad.
Friction has been caused by a lady who thought she should have inherited the house.
I do keep in contact with a friend who I met in the hospice where my wife passed away and he is now in difficulties as his Dad now has dementia and is now in care.
I think he almost takes the view he failed him by not being able to keep his father at home.
Another severe worry he had was Social Services told him the house jointly owned by his father and himself would have to be sold to fund his father's care.
Fortunately I knew this was not correct and pointed my friend in the right direction.
While I agree the elderly parent has to be considered and looked after the offspring has to consider their interests as well.

Having noted Mishap's post about grants for alterations, I quizzed my sister today on the way to visit BIL in Hospital. She told me they were given 80% grant 9regardless of income or savings) towards their new downstairs, wheelchair accessible loo and walk in shower with the added bonus of a small room sized, open area which they will use as a computer room. They were awarded the grant because BIL has prostate and Bone cancer and was finding the stairs to the bathroom difficult. The alteration - made by extending into the garage - has been managed by Social Work department, the tradespersons have been excellent and the 'finish' is exemplary according to retired joiner DH.

Building control issued the completion certificate today. Timing could not be better, as BIL broke his femur last Saturday, slipped and fell heavily on wet decking at back door, has been in hospital since, had an operation to fix a metalo plate in his leg and is due home next Monday/Tuesday with a zimmer frame ON CONDITION THAT HE HAS ACCESS TO A DOWNSTAIRS LOO!

Dear Summerof75
I'm new to the site and am reading old posts, yours really hit home with me as I've had the same problem.
My Mum didn't want to go into a home or sheltered housing and I have to say that for us social services were a very big let down.
We got Mum a saniflow toilet downstairs, it took up very little space. In fact it went under the stairs, just like Harry Potter. One problem solved and one to go...the stairs!!
I rang a few places about stairlifts and ended up with a company called Leodis Stairlifts. They were great. They came round to the house and did a free survey and then they decided which the best stairlift for my Mum was, it was fitted within two days (well within budget too).
My Mum is happy that she can stay in her own home and we feel that she's safe and comfortable.
Their website is Leodisstairlifts.co.uk
All the best.

Summer.

I absolutely understand where you are coming from. My husband and I are in the same boat and we are having to look into this on a personal level. My father is 93 and we went through getting help from social services and having his bungalow adapted, it has been very successful. Now it's our time.

This question does however have some bearing on your parents finances. Their home, if they choose to, can be adapted quite successfully with a stairlift and downstairs shower room. There is also the cost of maintenance.!

When I say maintenance it is the cost of cleaning, gardening, home repairs etc., it's those things we are finding have a huge bearing on where we live. We love our home but we struggle to clean it and maintain it but cannot afford to pay for help.

Your are a good daughter to be thinking of your mum and dad and you sound quite capable of helping them without patronizing them. The reason I think it is perfectly OK for you to be asking the question is simply this. You sound as though you are accepting the situation that at some stage in the future you may 'possibly' be giving them more of your time and help too. Not every family has that contact, through no fault of their own, so each family is different. I know my daughter is walking in your shoes at the mo and I am thinking of her future too, maybe your mum and dad are doing the same and they will determine their future with YOU in mind.