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A bit of a laugh

(67 Posts)
Nanado Sat 12-Jan-13 14:46:13

I keep being sent some humorous thoughts by an ex-colleague. Most of them are little gems and make me laugh so I'm sharing the latest one.

''Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtain for murderes, if you do find one, what's your plan? hmm

Anyone got any more? I can't complete with greatnan's jokes but I have a few more of these.

Movedalot Sat 12-Jan-13 18:46:09

Merlot that is one my DS brought up just recently!

merlotgran Sat 12-Jan-13 18:52:27

I probably got it from my DS as well, Movedalot

Ana Sat 12-Jan-13 22:41:50

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

Nanado Sat 12-Jan-13 22:45:20

grin see you all tomorrow my battery is going flat moon

Movedalot Tue 15-Jan-13 10:26:52

I don't think we get smarter as we get older, we just run out of stupid things to do.

C'mon, let's keep this going.

Ana Tue 15-Jan-13 10:55:12

It's not technically gossip if you start your sentence with "I'm really concerned about ..........." (fill in the name of the person you're gossiping about).

Movedalot Tue 15-Jan-13 11:16:44

Good one Ana I know people just like that! Can also be used to show you are superior to others! grin

Movedalot Tue 15-Jan-13 12:13:20

I've lost my mind and am pretty sure the kids took it.

Nanado Tue 15-Jan-13 13:25:44

I'm speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I'm going

Jodi Tue 15-Jan-13 13:43:19

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to

Jodi Tue 15-Jan-13 13:45:32

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

Riverwalk Wed 16-Jan-13 14:34:08

It's reported that those who ate horseburgers are in a stable condition.

Ana Wed 16-Jan-13 15:31:52

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.

Movedalot Wed 16-Jan-13 16:29:02

I haven't been able to get my kids to pay attention to anything I've said all day. I'm going to sit here and pretend I'm on the phone, that should do it.

Ana Wed 16-Jan-13 16:59:04

(going to have a bath works, as well! grin)

Nanado Wed 16-Jan-13 21:29:55

Love 'em all grin

tesco are now selling uniquorn burgers for vegetarians

Nanado Wed 16-Jan-13 21:32:00

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm still tired today

Movedalot Fri 18-Jan-13 13:04:36

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Movedalot Fri 18-Jan-13 13:05:19

A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

jeni Fri 18-Jan-13 13:05:44

grin

Movedalot Fri 18-Jan-13 13:07:20

And a topical one:

I was in the cafe at Tescos having a bite to eat when the waitress asked if I wanted anything on my burger. I said yes, a fiver each way.



Tesco ad on telly says to get down there quick as the burgers will not be on offer furlong.



I've just check the Tesco burgers in my fridge ........ And they're off !



Tesco have take their burgers of the shelves because they've been found to be full of fat, salt and Shergar.

Kali Fri 18-Jan-13 13:28:28

I don't exercise...it makes me spill my wine G&T coffee

Movedalot Fri 18-Jan-13 13:31:25

If God had intended me to touch my toes he would have put diamonds on the floor.

Grannyeggs Fri 18-Jan-13 13:33:38

The police are doing door to door enquiries about the horse meat in Burgers, soon they will have covered the whole Neigh- bourhood.

Kali Fri 18-Jan-13 15:12:13

Oh for a like button! hmm