Other forums.

glamma elegran when I agree with you every you all say.

Sorry that should read... I agree with everything you all say

I would agree with that and I cannot see evidence anywhere of 'clique-iness'. Bruha how do you come to your conclusion? I mean this in a friendly way and don't mean to be confrontational.

I echo Marelli's question, Bruha...I am well and truly

I've only just caught up with this thread and just want to point out that it was ninny who made the remark about Gransnet being cliquey, not Bruha

I stand corrected. I apologise Bruha ninny may I ask you to enlighten me, please?

Sorry, Bruha!

Well saidwhen my feelings also.

Try not to feel pinned down ninny and Bruha by soop and Marelli asking you to explain. They are actually both very nice people and the problem with forums is that the printed word lacks timbre so what is meant to be an innocent enquiry can sound quite the opposite. Also you are under no obligation to explain anything

I have to jump in here to defend Mumsnet. It isn't a vile place at all - although it's fair to say that are some very 'robust' exchanges somewhere. AIBU is a particularly rough and tumble place and definitely not for the faint-hearted!

I'm a Mumsnetter, and one of the first members of Gransnet, as I joined to help swell the ranks of members, so that Gransnet got off its feet and got off to a good start. I lurk more than post here and don't visit that often.

Mumsnet is a massive forum, and there are always going to be posts (and posters) that you might not like or get on with. But it is fabulously supportive and, often, an incredibly witty and intelligent place to be.

Check out the Woolly Hugs threads, where MNetters knit squares to be made into blankets for MNetters who have been bereaved. They are truly humbling and very inspiring.

(Oh, and yes, Mumsnet started Gransnet, for those of you who didn't know!) They share the same offices.

OK, I am jumping in here with both feet on the clique question. It comes up every so often and there are posts about it, sometimes quite heated.

I have been on Gransnet since summer 2011. When I joined, there was a nucleus of people who had been here since it was launched, and some of them are here still. Others have signed up over the year and a half since I joined, and some have left, to stay away or to come back.

I chatted on the forum with some of the members, exchanged the occasional private message with others and some others are just names to me. A few are on a completely different wavelength to me, but there is room for all, and many nooks and crannies to sit and natter in.

A few Gransnetters I have met face to face and, yes, confession time, I feel I know them better than those I have not met. I consider them as friends.

Some people have posted so often, and given so much of themselves, that I feel I know them too. When I lost my husband I received much sympathy on Gransnet. When others have posted about their problems, from household spills to life-shattering tragedies, the support is incredible. There is a band of sisters on here, who sometimes seem to newcomers to talk in shorthand to one another.

BUT That does not mean that outsiders are resented. Yes, it is true that we chat like old friends, but how did that come about? By the same means as friendships in the wide world - by talking, listening, pausing, returning, talking, waiting, absorbing, tolerating, encouraging. A newcomer is a stranger until you get to know them. That does not happen overnight. If you walk into a room full of people you don't know, you don't expect to become best friends with everyone instantly. That comes with what you give to them - support, humour, exchanges of information - as well as the welcome that they give to you.

Anyone who finds that they meet a lot of cliques in real life, never mind on Gransnet, is possibly expecting too much too soon.

As one of the early members who has recently returned I can see that some friendships and 'in' jokes and discussions have developed that it could be hard to join in if you are new. I do not think however that this means that there are cliques, just people that know each other quite well, as a new member it can sometimes be a bit daunting perhaps to try an join in.

It is a bit like walking up to a group of strangers in the pub and announcing , Hi I'm Diva, can I join you?

Very eloquently expressed Elegran, we must have cross-posted, I agree wholeheartedly.

Elegran that is the best post I have read on Gransnet, and explains the ethos of Gransnet so well. Thank you!

Thanks Kali...I can assure you that my enquiry wasn't meant to sound bolshy. Every one of us on Gransnet, is unique. It is true, that over time, a few members will discover that they have interests in common, and a few will meet and become friends. I like to think that we are here for each other and priviledged to benefit from sharing each other's experiences and knowledge. Not very well put...but sincerely meant.

Elegran I've just read your eloquent post. Had I known it was there [busy trying to put my own thoughts into words] I would have been very happy to have not said a dickee bird.

I sincerely endorse all that has been said above,I in telling my story have received nothing but support,warmth,and friendship,I am accepted as an equal,I was a later joiner who has been here for just over a year and I jumped in with a hello I am new on the Mother's Day thread after lurking for a few weeks,it has taken time to establish a virtual friendship with people who have totally different lifestyles to me and may in real life I may not have had the opportunity to meet with them as we do here,as said before some as in real life establish a rapport with each other through be being like minded,I have never been treated with anything other than courtesy and warmth,there is room for all it just takes time like anything that is worth having xxxlove nellie

As a relative newcomer (August 12) it was difficult at first to know who was being 'chummy', who had phrased something badly and who was simply being rude. I think I have it sussed now. I have received some incredible support on GN the like of which I would not have believed. I have also experienced the opposite. I now know who to trust and who to be wary of.

Kali me too. I am in exactly the same situation.

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree, Elegran. Great post.

....and from a very personal perspective, I'd like to say that no only have I learnt a great deal from others on this forum, I've also learnt much about myself in my reactions and responses to this virtual way of being with others. When I joined quite some time ago, I found it a completely new way of communicating and one which I felt needed different skills and understanding to those I used when with someone on a face-to-face basis.

(I think I've put that badly, but hopefully you get the gist...)

.....and still hoping to get to meet some of you in person one day!

Yes please, Butty

I feel the same, Kali, although I have been a member for nearly a year. Most Gransnet members come across as wonderful, wise and always willing to help others with a problem, but there have been times when I've been shocked and hurt by the odd hostile response to one of my posts.

It's not always easy to 'walk away' from a thread when your instinct is to try to discover the reason for the misinterpretation, misunderstanding or whatever, but it does seem to be the only answer.

I agree Kali .

Well said, elegran. I have felt, and still feel, a whole gamut of emotions from pleased to displeased, from happy to sad, from shocked to delighted, and so on, ever since I joined gransnet. Just like real life. Can't do better than that I reckon.

It says a lot, I think, that most of the comments on this thread that are about gransnet are very positive

The variety on mumsnet is phenominal as well. I don't visit there often, but it has struck me as fairly well rounded, as you would expect with such a huge membership.