The way things can be taken PLEASE READ THIS!

Thanks for the responses, especially kali and petallus. What you say makes sense. It is a fairly simplistic idea, but possibly helpful. Possibly not. One thing this thread has proved to me is that however hard one tries to talk about certain subjects in a detached way, in order to try and resolve repeating issues, someone somewhere will find something to be offended at. Hey ho. I tried. Someone with greater skill than I would have succeeded, I expect.

I was going to suggest Absent that you could perhaps ask GNHQ to delete your post as a gesture of good will? I would certainly take it as such.

So far this thread seems to be mainly about the way posts are received but I would like to talk about the way people post. IMO it would be helpful if posters could bear the following in mind:

1 Use IMO or I think rather than stating your opinion as a fact.
2 Think whether you would like to read this post if it was an opposing view to your own.
3 Question whether your post could be considered patronising
4 Ask yourself if you would say this in a face to face conversation with a friend
5 Think whether what you say could be considered personal
6 Ask yourself if you could have said it in a kinder way
7 Should you bear in mind that this is a new poster
8 Are you just saying this so you can prove you are superior to someone and is that a good idea?

I do not subscribe to the opinion that people should toughen up as will be obvious from my suggestions. I do not think there is anything clever/superior about knowingly hurting someone. I have said things like this before and been shot down so I expect it to happen again but I will retain my belief that kindness counts.

Done. Does that let me out of the bloody doghouse?

Some good guidelines Movedalot.

I agree. good guidelines Move
Woof!

moved, those are good suggestions. The problem for me is that even when all that has been done, there can still be a problem because one cannot always second guess other people's though processes, nor where they are coming from.

For instance, someone a while ago (I think it may even have been you, but apologies If I've misremembered that) said, or suggested, that they find the use of 'one' instead of 'you' to be patronising. When I use 'one' instead of 'you' I'm not doing it to be patronising, I'm doing it to make what I'm saying as impersonal as possible (your rule no.5). If someone chooses to regard what I've written as patronising, in spite of knowing my reasons for using 'one', what then?

BTW, jane, I forgot to mention that I appreciated your realising I wasn't being patronising in trying to describe my idea. Thanks.

whoops. 'Thought' not though.

Thanks Absent
Peace.

The most useful thing that anyone posting anything can do is to read what they have written before pressing the "post message" button. Once it has left and is on its way to the thread, any poison darts will find their mark, and any accusations will be laid open ready for counter-attacks and escalating posts from other readers. Just rephrasing it can say the same thing in a way that does not precipitate yet another series of "she said.." and "but she said ....first and started it...."

Perhaps my thoughts on the subject should have been expressed here instead of the Farewell thread and then they might not have been so summarily dismissed.
As I said there "Do as you would be done by" sums it up for me and while movedalot has given a lot of thought to her list of suggestions(and I don't diagree with any of them) this one is easy to remember.

That's my basic rule too, graces. There are occasional blips because even I am not perfect [senseofhumouralert!].

So if I say something that people find controversial, I expect them to argue back in kind, rather than whinge because they don't like what or how I've said something in spitenof my efforts not to be personal or rude or deliberately offensive. In other words, I expect them to attack the substance of my post, not me. I expect them to play the ball, not the woman. (especially, as they mostly don't know the woman much at all).

Bags wasn't me, I use 'one' as well when appropriate.

May I add another couple which I feel rather strongly about and can't imagine why I left it out!

Please do not rewrite/misread/paraphrase what someone has said in response and make out that they have said something completely different to what they actually said!

When asked for clarification or an apology please do respond instead of just hiding away as if it had never happened. If you have made a mistake why not admit it and apologise, it will almost always be accepted with no hard feelings.

[Biting my tongue emoticon]

Bags you not perfect?
And here was me using you as a role model.

(Creeps off to put away barebow and arrows)

can I argue a little, in a friendly way, with no.1? Well, not really argue, exactly, but explain what I generally do, and which I think is good practice because I was told it was when I was writing essays that then got criticised to pieces (in a good way – learning curve and all that).

Unless I specifically say otherwise, or use speech marks, because I'm repeating or describing what someone else has said or written either on granset or elsewhere, what I write on here will be my opinion. Who else's would it be? So it's not really necessary to keep telling people that, is it? It could get a bit tiresome not only to keep doing the telling, but to have to keep reading it too, IYSWIM.

Does saying "I think" count as "in my opinion"? I have always assumed it did.

Or is "I think" to confident-sounding? (although, I don,t know what's wrong with that either).

I'm from Yorkshire where folks say what they think.

I'm an immigrant to Australia where folks call me a POM - usually in a friendly manner, sometimes not.

So I got a bit thick skinned over the years, as a survival mechanism.

But Australia, in linguistic terms, has an indirect culture - they don't always say what they think to your face, they sort of go round it in convoluted suggestions. But being a bit hopeless at reading between the lines, it all goes over my head.

So I get it wrong. A lot.

But being from Yorkshire I do tend to say what I think: in linguistic terms again, it is called being from a direct culture.

And I probably do the same on here, sometimes shamelessly taking the mick of things I don't believe in, like religion and the Tory party!

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Now I'm off to bed.

Oh, jeni, you mustn't give up trying to be another Lady Barebow! I'm sure you,re a natural, anyhow!

"Creeps off to put away barebow and arrows)"

Why is that so funny coming from jeni.

It really helps to read only short posts. Too much intensity in long posts. Very regular posters bring their baggage with them. They remember what each other says and has said. In fact I think galley and golly bob re the same person because of the name on posts . also bags and absent.call it early onset somethingor other.and I find janeainswortj and kittylester are worth reading and interesting possibly because I think they give their own names? We are tomorrow,s fish and chip paper,cast into the recycling bin of the Internet.

I have noticed that posts that begin IMHO are posted by people who are very rarely humble. (Before anyone jumps down my throat I know Movedalot said IMO.)

I agree with Bags [clique alert emoticon] that if someone posts a comment, it either is their opinion or they are copying someone else. Either way, adding IMO (gosh, I hate acronyms) or I think is pretty pointless.

In my experience, anyone who believes themselves to be superior to someone else has never shown the slightest inclination to prove it. I should think it would be quite difficult to prove within the confines of a forum such as this, so something of a wasted effort.

Deep thoughts, Stansgran only way off beam alas. But I love the thought of us being tomorrow's virtual fish and chip paper! Gally and gillybob def different people also Bags and absent. Good idea for a party game though to guess which 2 Gransnetters' names belong to the same person!