Private Messaging

I have had some really good advice from PM's from people who are more informed than myself mainly about charities,I have also PM'd people about good offers available which are of little interest to others,as long as PM's are used for the good of the site and the members there is no problem I think.

JO says she has had a PM from someone on the same wavelength. It stuck in my mind that on another thread she said she had three microwaves-now you have me worried please help me out here-to me that meant there might be others in this realm who have three microwaves. I remember or misremember things like that.

I like surreal.

MATRON They've all gone funny again, can you bring the drug trolley round please?

IMO this is on thread that should not go off into the surreal. I quite enjoy some of the ones which do so in general don't mind bu think this one is important and affects us all.

I love the PMs as I have chatted to people on a more personal level about surgery/family issues etc, which I would not wish to do on here for all to see. I have also received some very much appreciated messages of support; so would be sad to see it go.

It certainly shouldn't go nanapug and I don't think there is any likelihood of its doing so. It's just irritating when a useful facility is wrongly used.

As far as pm's go the good far outweighs the bad; this is s forum that can be read by anyone with a computer; it's important that we can sometimes talk about things that we don't want to make public. I've had tremendous support from people on issues that I feel I can only touch on on a public forum, and that's the help and support that gransnet gives us. Gransnet is one of the best things that's ever happened to me; I'd be lost without it.

So. We have good PMs, kind, helpful and useful, which bind us together as a caring community and which nobody would wish to be without. But we also have destructive PMs which are tearing us apart and resulting in valued GNers feeling hurt and misunderstood and even leaving us.
Is it at all possible that those of us who feel they are involved in the latter could maybe get it all out in the open, once and for all, and lance the boil? To have a thread where they could slug it out and perhaps reach an understanding? This one would do if necessary. The rest of us could agree not to interfere as there seem to be too many irons in the fire - it does not always help to have your tuppence worth.

Same her nanapug.

I meant 'same here', nanapug. Typo - sorry!
Tegan and Learnergran - agree.

Learnergran Those who have received pms that have hurt their feelings or offended them are unlikely to want to "slug it out" on a public thread. Those who have sent them have clearly demonstrated that they are petty-minded and mean-spirited. They are unlikely to want to repeat their mischief in public.

That has been suggested before, Learnergran but it seems that those who believe they have a grievance prefer to do their slugging it out in the public arena (or several arenas in many cases)

Two sides of the same statement there, absent I think what they do not want is to be stuck in a ghetto thread and ignored.

Would just point out that "absent*'s and Elegran's posts seem to contradict each other.

No Elegran, not all. Some of them do their crying in private.

And some leave or fade out without saying a word. A dedicated thread would not be used by them either.

Learnergran My point was really that those who want to be heard on the subject of their grievances would not use a thread which is going to sink off the bottom of the list if no-one had used it for a while.They might not even know that it existed. They add posts to the thread on which the attack happened, or start another one (or just vanish without announcing their departure)

I think it highly likely that the people who have been unpleasant to others in PMs are reading this thread and, hopefully, regretting what they have done. I really do hope that they are not so arrogant as to think they are for some reason a special case and think it acceptable to behave in this way just because a PM is of necessity private. Having never sent or received such a PM I wonder at the mentality of someone who wants to stir things up in this way. They must be very unhappy people and I feel sorry for them.

Can I make it very clear that I have never sent Absent an unkind or spiteful PM. I am still here until later on today.

PS nor have I ever received an unkind one, they all have been very supportive.

This thread is not important because GN are never going to change anything just to suit the members.

I like surreal too.

Good for you Kali I can unserstand why you feel the need to say that, I felt I had to too as I am one of the ones who has been unjustly referred to in the nasty PMs.

Please don't go, you are one of the good guys and we need more like you.

Of course you haven't Kali and I made no such accusation. The only pm I have ever received from you (in a previous incarnation) was delightful.

Movedalot The nasty pms I am talking about don't talk about third parties, except sometimes gransnetters' family members. They are directly abusive to the person who has received them. That is far nastier and more spiteful than whatever victimisation you are talking about.

I'm assuming you mean those PMs sent by a member who has recently left to several GN members, absent. I would have thought that was a one-off incident which is unlikely to happen again, although it must have been very unpleasant for the victims.

I thought this was a discussion about PMs in general.

I disagree Absent if someone sends PMs to other members inciting trouble and lying about another member behind their back it is despicable. At least if that person had done it to me directly I could have responded. Now I am left wondering what other mischief that person has got up to that I haven't heard about. I'm not as bothered as that sounds because I think most members would have more sense than to believe such rubbish.