Private Messaging

And some leave or fade out without saying a word. A dedicated thread would not be used by them either.

No Elegran, not all. Some of them do their crying in private.

Would just point out that "absent*'s and Elegran's posts seem to contradict each other.

Two sides of the same statement there, absent I think what they do not want is to be stuck in a ghetto thread and ignored.

That has been suggested before, Learnergran but it seems that those who believe they have a grievance prefer to do their slugging it out in the public arena (or several arenas in many cases)

Learnergran Those who have received pms that have hurt their feelings or offended them are unlikely to want to "slug it out" on a public thread. Those who have sent them have clearly demonstrated that they are petty-minded and mean-spirited. They are unlikely to want to repeat their mischief in public.

I meant 'same here', nanapug. Typo - sorry!
Tegan and Learnergran - agree.

Same her nanapug.

So. We have good PMs, kind, helpful and useful, which bind us together as a caring community and which nobody would wish to be without. But we also have destructive PMs which are tearing us apart and resulting in valued GNers feeling hurt and misunderstood and even leaving us.
Is it at all possible that those of us who feel they are involved in the latter could maybe get it all out in the open, once and for all, and lance the boil? To have a thread where they could slug it out and perhaps reach an understanding? This one would do if necessary. The rest of us could agree not to interfere as there seem to be too many irons in the fire - it does not always help to have your tuppence worth.

As far as pm's go the good far outweighs the bad; this is s forum that can be read by anyone with a computer; it's important that we can sometimes talk about things that we don't want to make public. I've had tremendous support from people on issues that I feel I can only touch on on a public forum, and that's the help and support that gransnet gives us. Gransnet is one of the best things that's ever happened to me; I'd be lost without it.

It certainly shouldn't go nanapug and I don't think there is any likelihood of its doing so. It's just irritating when a useful facility is wrongly used.

I love the PMs as I have chatted to people on a more personal level about surgery/family issues etc, which I would not wish to do on here for all to see. I have also received some very much appreciated messages of support; so would be sad to see it go.

IMO this is on thread that should not go off into the surreal. I quite enjoy some of the ones which do so in general don't mind bu think this one is important and affects us all.

MATRON They've all gone funny again, can you bring the drug trolley round please?

JO says she has had a PM from someone on the same wavelength. It stuck in my mind that on another thread she said she had three microwaves-now you have me worried please help me out here-to me that meant there might be others in this realm who have three microwaves. I remember or misremember things like that.

I like surreal.

I have had some really good advice from PM's from people who are more informed than myself mainly about charities,I have also PM'd people about good offers available which are of little interest to others,as long as PM's are used for the good of the site and the members there is no problem I think.

Yes, I have heard that someone has been making false accusations about me and others in PMs but I have chosen to ignore it as I heard it secondhand. It smacks of silly school children.

But let's not try to legislate against free communication between members, what people say to each other in private is their own business.

absent I think you are right;if a pm is abusive then it should be reported!

I think it was Kali who recently posted something along the lines of we do not talk about other members behind their backs in bold while castigating me for a post on a public thread. If only that were true. Unkind, spiteful private messages caused a great deal more harm and hurt recently than anything said on a public forum. That is why I have urged anyone receiving them in the future to report them to GNHQ.

I have exchanged PMs with people when a meet-up was being organised, and on a few occasions to clarify things when individuals were confused about something, not to attack people or whinge. Today I have broken my own rule and fired one off to someone who I think was out of line.

I did NOT want to add it to the public thread, inspire more expostulation and make it even longer. These pointless exchanges take up more and more of the list on the "last hour" threads. It gives the impression that all we do on here is post attacks back and forward. That is not true, there are a lot of interesting and calm conversations, if you can find them among the dross.

Anyway, I agree with these posts re private messaging. Like many, I have received (and I hope, given) comfort via pm's and they are similarly useful for arranging meet ups etc. However, using the facility to witter on about other posters isn't good. Difficult to stop though.

Stans pleeeeease explain! We are all confuddled.

????