Lil's Bar 5

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Hi Gramps...Where have you been? I believe you were spotted in town going into the 'Milkmaid's Arms'............it's OK Lil doesn't know!

"Come, come, come and make eyes at me, down at the old Bull and Bush...da, da, da, da, da

Evenin' all. A pint of your finest wine and a packet of pork scratchings please Pete. I've just escaped from the Farmers Arms - there was a lock-in there for two days, Fred wouldn't let anyone out until all the beverages he'd handed over had been paid for. Some folks kicked up a fuss about that, requiring to know why they should have to pay Fred for beer that he knocked off (when there was a delivery at the Weatherforks eatery).
Where's the darts board gone Pete??? These playing cards feel all greasy, where have they been? and there's a strange smell round here, a bit like in an hospital...CTP is it?

there you go Goose....just have the bottle and save on the washing up..........not sure about the smell...but it's not Toto....he was last seen with a 'french poodle' in the top field

Bit of a dump this place. As it's the Saloon Bar - don't I even get a straw with me wine?

...greasy playing cards ....must have been from the 'testing session' of Pippa's Perfect Pies......

Dump???

Never had any call for straws....most people manage to get the glass/bottle to their mouths ..no prob..

Yeh well, I'm not like most of the riff-raff you get in here. Straws are refined (another pack of pork scratchings - now - please) who the hell's bloody Pippa of the Perfect Pie fame? sister of Katie? what's SHE doing in here? I licked the cards and they seem ok now.

Do you want to eat the scratchings...or wear them..Lil would like to know...

Ah...so Lil's here is she? Where's she hiding then?
Does she make the pork scratchings herself? I can detect a whiff of something 'off'...eau de poodle? or a sniff of hospitals about them. As it appens, I do think a couple of bits of em dangling off me ears would look chic, and who's this Pippa woman - does she come from the village? any relation to Delia? or Huge?

Whoa Goose! Too many questions! are you a policewoman? Lil is in the back room...sharpening the..well it doesn't matter.
Do you want another bottle?......Huge If you want a game of cards....it's poker..no limit...

...someone has marked the cards....That's too much for me..

Quiet in ere tonight innit. Shouldn't you be dragging Lil out from sharpening her teeth and claws to entertain the clientele (me)?
Yes, another bottle will be good. A pint of Port, thanks

I'll leave you to yer poker Pete, you're a champ at pokering. I've gotta get back to feed the ferrets, they ain't been fed for a coupla of days and them there nosy bloomin RSCPA lot have been snooping around my back yard pokering their noses into stuff that aint meant for them to see.

g'night

...."Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner.........

"Riff raff????"......

Pete........fancy a quick one at the 'Dog'n Duck?

A quick Dog 'n Duck would be ideal...

See you later then but don't tell Lil

Well that was a nice change, although I could have done without the ducks! Not my fault that I stood on one with my crutch..............it was the dogs' fault!
Why do dogs do that?

I've left you a couple of pints behind the bar Pete, I think you deserve a treat.....................

Any more of those pies left.......................

Dogs do that ..Cos they can!!

Thanks Ella it was a very rare treat for me...and Lil is none the wiser.. sshhh...

Pint please Lil.........first today!

Quick one for me, please. Mr P will be sounding the dinner gong any moment now.

Thursday....no football....any ideas?

Pint please Lil....

..Lil, we could fit a table football game near the snooker table....move the dart board and Bob's your teapot!