Lil's Bar 5

"Scuse me Miss Ella, Chief Barmaid (yanking of forelock). I've finished washing the six used glasses three times in cold soapy water, dried them on the cloth I found in the toilet. I've swabbed the kitchen floor (making sure I didn't wet Mr Huge Fernley Wittyley or Mrs Deidrie Smith''s feet). I've scraped the oven's out of fat, I've walked the dogs, cleaned the bogs toilets til they sparkle, dug the foundations for the cottage in the back yard, put the cards and dominoes back on the shelf. Can I help you into your fur coat and go home now please? I promise I will back at 5.30am sharp to cook breakfast for everyone

Well done Goose..

Full English...please..

Goose I've decided to throw in the towel and leave you in charge too bl**dy efficient for me

Anyway, I broke a nail pulling the pumps too much....and Pete keeps trapping me in the cellar behind the barrels... it's when he calls me Lisa that I get mad ....and that 'cloth' you found in the toilets......my best pair........and now I'm 'fur coat and no knickers AGAIN

Good luck Goose, mine's a large one please.......

Oooh No Miss Ella, I'm still studying for my NVQ4 in 'Relief Barmaid Studies', and haven't started the part (Volume V1: Section XI - Parts 1-15) 'How to Handle Randy Barmen' yet. I've got an A+ in 'How to Clean Toilets with Pairs of Holey Knickers' and I'm now studying 'How to Polish the Spots Off Domino Tiles' (Volume VIII: Section XII, Parts 30-300)

...Mad as a March hare...

Pint ...please

...'Ole Man River, dat Ole Man River'.......

I went to the car-boot sale today and picked up a treat for you laydees, they are in the snug..help yourselves

They are counterfeit Mr Kippling's
I must say they're exceedingly good fakes.....

Pint ...please...

Gawd 'elp me!
I baked sponge today!
Tried it!
Yuk! Nobody told me you were supposed to 'ave only ecologically gathered sponges these days!
Pint of the usual please Pete

I quit! the Relief Barmaid job's not for me - you can do it Ella. It involves being the Chief and relief Barmaid, cook, cleaner, barrel changer, staff social worker, all-village-gossip-knower, dog walker, ferret keeper, Pete wrestler, teetotaler, comedian, dodgy Mr Kippling cake eater, domino polisher, builder's hod carrier and a couple of other menial things like pulling pints and chucking people out. If you need any tips, let me know. I'm off home, I haven't had a decent nights sleep for a week

PS: However, the plus side is that Pete doles out the odd fiver every now and again that you can throw in a kitty tin to buy the next round with

Looks like another advert in the Dogsbodies' Gazette, Pete!

Evening all, what's hot and happening in the world of Lil's?

It's true............You just can't get the staff these days...

Goose.....'Ferret keeper' was not part of the job....your ferrets...you keep 'em! Mind you if you're not up to the task..so be it..
Ella... I thought you were at home behind the barrels....

Help your self to the bar..........football to deal with...

Pete

I've got a 'dead box' here in the lounge. Can you help.

Play your double ..Pogs!

Pint please....

I'll pull my own then...nothing new there

I think Goose has polished the spots off them.

We have been playing crib and seven card brag. Wish you had been here to join in. Suppers up in a minute, rabbit stew and dumplings. I know how you like your dumplings.

Right now...they would go down a treat.....

Lil said she has been kneading them all day with love and affection. Was she thinking of you Pete, or do you have competition.

Pogs..
Lil is in Spain for o week...and will not be 'kneading' anything

I am a man alone....no staff...no food....luckily the beer was delivered today! so I'll manage.

...for o week??... whatever!

Did I say she was kneading dumplings Pete.

Pete