Not welcomed by Social Worker.

Hi nanaej

The social worker was treated with courtesy but she was told in no uncertain terms the daughter was not paying and the house was not being sold.
It is the problem of the council and the NHS.

Frank

It must be very reassuring for your friend's mother to know that her daughter considers her interests as far more important than her mother's and that she, the mother, is a problem. You have such a sympathetic approach HUNTERF. I hope your own daughters spare you such a dismissive attitude if you ever become too frail to manage on your own.

It all becomes clear.

Nansaej how wonderful if this were so! I had 4 years of hell really trying care for my father n law. Of course it is never acceptable to be rude.

However if I had not fought his corner when he could nt he would have been ivn sorry way. Evening carers who did nothing in and out in 2 minutes and I had to pay full wack for it all as he has savings which were totally eroded in his care I had poa.

Te social worker let him down very badly we lived 50 miles away and oh worked full time so was hard we visited weekends and did all we could.

I have found in life when dealing with unhelpful people beng too nice just achieves precisely nothing!

Well surprise surprise.

They have re considered the case and the mother is eligible for full NHS funding.
Problem now is finding a home which will have her as she is strong and prone to violence and I can not help there.

Frank

I think I'll just ignore these sorts of threads from now on. I am sickened by the "let's preserve the property at all costs" attitude, even if the cost turns out to be the difference between second-rate and first-rate of the original property owner in his/her last and most difficult years.

Sorry – I am so incensed. I meant second-rate and first-rate care.

The daughter has priority well I hope my DCs don't think that way in the future or there is nothing down for me & mr.glamma is there,my children are of the mindset that they make their own way in this world not to have the local Councils budget lessened by paying for any care we may need in the future.

Same here, glamma. My 'boys' have told me they won't need my property and can stand on their own feet. This doesn't make them any less caring about me. DS1, when they were looking for a new house, offered to find one with granny accommodation. But I'm not quite ready for that.

anno the word vultures comes to mind ?

My mother has just had a follow-up assessment. It was carried out by a nurse (not a social worker) from the PHCT (may now be a different collection of letters). My mother receives an element of the cost of her care from the NHS and the nurse explained that under the new rules, they will be carrying out an assessment annually. A nurse from the nursing home was also present. It was very detailed and I thought it was a very fair and compassionate process. I'm just very glad that she sold her house after my father died and the money is there to pay for her. Frank is wrong to complain about what the social worker said. It is perfectly true that if you fund yourself or if family pays the costs, you have more freedom about what kind of care you have and where.

The mother is the problem of the council and NHS. Good grief. How have we got to this? The idea that the mother is seen merely as a problem is bad enough but to expect the council and nhs to be responsible for her seems a step too far. Like others here I don't understand the obsession with hanging on to property. I hope my children would be happy to sell our property to give me and / or their dad a good quality of life in our old age rather than making do with the cheapest option that lets them keep the house. I should have stayed away from this thread! Won't be back.

Why should the house not be sold HunterF- why should that case be different? Why should we have had to sell both our parents home for their care, and not expect others to pick up the tab? Call yourself a socialist, and you expect to inherit the money from your parents' house, whilst other social, health, education, etc, budgets are cut to pay for this? Why should children expect to inherit vasts sums of money made on property value, whilst other pay for their parents care???

Hi granjura

What I don't think people want to realise is this lady is widowed and was retired early then her father died leaving his half of the house to her.
At the time the mother was not capable of looking after her self and the daughter sold the marital home and went to care / live with her mother so her childhood home became her main home.
In addition she had spent a large amount of money on the house from the proceeds of the sale of her own home.
This lady has been caring for her mother for 6 years.
If my father had gone in to care I could have been in the same situation.
I checked before joining my father I could not be thrown out if he had to go into care.
In my case I have spent at least £70,000 on the house and had paid for Dad's private medical insurance as well as paying for all the car running so I have not inherited all of the house. I also cared for my father to some extent.
Obviously if Dad had gone in to care and the house had been sold and the proceeds divided I would have lost a substantial amount.
The other fact is her mother's needs were medical and not social so she is entitled to full NHS funding regardless of means.

Frank

My parents and MIL also had to go into care for medical reasons. Agreed that if the relative has been living in the house for a while and has spent money on said house, it changes the situation somewhat. But what happened to the proceeds from their own house when sold to go and live in the parental home?
Seems like a good idea in such cases to put the house in the child's name at the time- although I've heard horror stories where the parent ends up being evicted.

I suppose a fair way would be for the adult child to downsize, and part of the proceeds of the house to go towards funding.

Hi granjura

The parent can not be evicted as they own half of the house and the parents half is worthless if the child will not give their consent for the house to be sold as she / he has the right to live in that property.

A horror story happened the other way in my case. My father befriended a lady and she waited for me to have the house put to a high standard at my expense and she then wanted me to leave and take the dog with me which belonged to Dad and myself.
Dad jumped in and said this was not going to happen and she left.
Oddly enough our last dog passed away and I was giong to leave it a week before talking about a new dog but Dad mentioned it within hours of the old dog passing away and we had the new dog 2 days later.

Frank

It is probably easier to do the assessment if not too many people are present to distract either the assessor or assessee.

Hi again granjura

All I can say is that is the way the law stands as of now.
It may be changed in the future but I would hope it would not affect situations where a parent / child are joint owners / occupiers as of now even if care is needed in say 20 years time.

Frank

I don't really see how spending £70K on the house cannot in the future give you a profit of some kind and anyway spending that money obviously gave you and your father a better standard of accommadation something which your father deserved in his later years.I am of the opinion that any money improving a property for your own comfort is money well spent and we have spent much more than that amount over the years upgrading our last family home to our own benefit when we sold,there is a saying I always quote about property "the only value of your property is what you can put into your back pocket as cash once it is sold" other than that it is bricks and mortar.We can all have £500K houses but they are not worth the paper the value is written on unless that amount is cash bankable.

Hi glammanana

I agree with what you are saying. I have a friend in London who owns a semi worth more than £500.000. The house is not very big.
All I am saying is even though the house was registered half mine and half Dads the fact I had spent money on the house and paid for things like Dad's health cover the house was becoming more and more mine.
If we had been living together for say 20 years which is possible in some situations a point could have been reached where I had spent £250,000 on Dad and the house.
Obviously if that had happened I would not have stopped spending money on Dad as I wanted us to have an even standard of living wherever possible and bricks and mortar are no longer any good to my father.

Frank

Hi FlicketyB

People are entitled to take solicitors, friends or other family members to assessments.
There is no limit on the number of people.
I am not sure what they would do if 100 people turned up.

Frank

I still can't work out if you are 1) genuinely writing about the way your presence was received by a social worker
or 2) going on yet again about your obsession regarding elderly parents' houses and what happens to them.
I am unwilling to re-open the "discussion" (sic) re the rights and wrongs of your father's house - really don't want to go down that road again, but it seems to me this thread is in fact a vehicle for the same argument. AIBU?

Boring![yawn]

Not at all gracesmum.

Hi

I think everybody who has contributed to this thread will be pleased that a care home has been found for the mother.
19 homes looked at her and they would not take her mainly due to behaviour problems.
I went along with the daughter to look at it and it appears to be nice and well ran and it has 24 hour security as the residents can sometimes be violent and a danger if they get on the street.
It was meal time and we had a bit of the food.
One of the residents pointed at me and shouted out murderer. Obviously he does not know what he is doing.
The mother is being transferred on Monday.
Oddly enough the Social Worker / Care Nurse said this was one of the best care homes but they could not finance this home as it is too expensive ( nearly £1,000 per week ).
Obviously the NHS has had to finance it as the mother has been taking up a bed at the hospital and that is the only way they will get her out.
The mother is upset as she has been told she is leaving. She has been in that hospital since before christmas.
The only slight down side is it is 14 miles from the house the daughter is now in and the daughter intends to visit most days.
Obviously the daughter will not move as the mother is only expected to live for about a year.

Frank