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Did you have a 'sheltered' upbringing?

(37 Posts)
frida Sun 03-Mar-13 14:56:09

I did and sometimes wonder if it did me any good. I was a very well behaved child and was taught always to put other people first, the original Miss Goodie Twoshoes.

annodomini Sun 03-Mar-13 15:08:04

I did, though I occasionally rebelled. I wasn't allowed to go to the dance hall like my peers did and except for Friday (Guides night) I wasn't allowed to go out on week nights. I had to get 4000 miles away in my 20s before I fully threw off the shacklessad.

HildaW Sun 03-Mar-13 15:25:17

Mine was a sort of 'sheltered' but more from having a very domineering father who only wanted us to see the world through his eyes. It led me to being very keen to please and also, rather dangerously, very easily led by men who I believed to be attractive (basically good looking rats). It all ended in tears of course - an unhappy marriage and a tendency to put the men in my life first. I think I am slowly growing out of it (am 58). Thankfully husband No 2 is much better.

Also because everything was vetted at home (TV progs, friends (hardly any) clothing etc) it took me a long time to learn true values. Yes, Phillip Larkin was right!

BlueSky Sun 03-Mar-13 15:32:03

I agree with all of the above, all true in my case also. I too had to get away from suffocating parents, and then from a domineering husband. Luckily no 2 is much better ...grin

Stansgran Sun 03-Mar-13 16:00:28

Wasn't even allowed Brownies but looking back I wonder if it was the cost of uniform

Jadey Sun 03-Mar-13 16:08:40

I did too and it was great having a Dad that loved me so much, it could have been disasterous though had I not found a husband that was also willing to act as my protector.

JustMe Sun 03-Mar-13 16:27:08

Very much like you HildaW. My father was domineering and intransient too and it led me to leave home at far too young an age. So it wasn't exactly 'sheltered' but it was very strict and not really loving. Basically I vowed to do everything differently when I had kids, and I did!

Galen Sun 03-Mar-13 16:31:47

I didn't go out in the evening apart fom guides til I went to university!

flowerfriend Sun 03-Mar-13 16:32:52

I had a sheltered and very strict up-bringing and it took me years to truly forgive my 'parents' because it was stifling. Then when I was thirty I discovered that they weren't my parents but my grandparents. My older sister it turned out was my mother. Obviously, they thought that as she had made a 'mistake', they'd better be strict with me. Oh hum!

Grannyknot Sun 03-Mar-13 16:41:02

I had a sheltered upbringing too, sans father, my granddad being the head of our household. He wasn't domineering though, just conservative and probably thought he was shielding us from the harsh realities of life. He was a loving stand in dad, never raised his voice, patient and caring. We felt cherished by the three adults who raised us. I sometimes think what my grandparents must have gone through at that time when their eldest daughter (my mother) arrived on their doorstep in the early 1950s with three small children in tow. We were stigmatised at school for coming from "a broken home" but despite that, my upbringing was indeed sheltered.

I remember being really shocked when I first found out about abortions and I think I must have been in my late teens. I had never been to a hotel until I started working, at around 19. Didn't know about alcohol, there was one bottle of sherry in our house which would be brought out at New Year for the grown ups, who would have one small glass each. And then it would be put away for next year! I had a lot to learn.

Humbertbear Sun 03-Mar-13 16:41:25

You have my sympathies. We were brought up to be independent and to go to youth clubs and have our own social lives. There was probably almost too much pressure to go out but I don't think it did us any harm. I've been married for 45 years and am a strong, independent woman with a strong independent daughter. The last few years would not have been manageable if I wasn't .
It sounds as if you have all now taken responsibility for your own lives. My husband always says we either model our parenting on our parents or deliberately do the opposite.
At the end of the day, we all just try to do our best.

Movedalot Sun 03-Mar-13 16:50:52

Not sheltered, restricted would better describe my upbringing. I wasn't allowed to go to the school at the bottom of the road because it was a church school so I had to walk a mile to school and then my school friends didn't live near me so I didn't see them out of school. My parents had a car but driving children to play dates didn't ever happen.

I did go to guides and brownies but not allowed to go to church parade.

My father was a violent bully and had to control everything I did and my sister and I had to do the housework and wait on our brothers. She had to leave school at 15 but because I was 'clever' I was allowed to take my O levels at 16. As soon as the results came I was sent out to work and not allowed to take A levels. Didn't matter what job I got as it was only to fill in the gap until I was 'pregnant and in the kitchen'! It was only when I left home at 19 that I discovered I wasn't an idiot!

As you can imagine I have been very different with my family!

granjura Sun 03-Mar-13 17:43:14

I was hugely lucky - first to be born in the eraly 50s rather than the 40s - so was a teenager in the 60s - and also to have a brother 3 years older. He and his group of mates took me as their mascot everywhere, camping, staying in Alpine huts, etc- I had a ball from the age of 15. Very lucky indeed.

HildaW Sun 03-Mar-13 17:49:02

Movedalot, yes it was definately restricted. All jolly unpleasant, siblings and I got very used to not going home and asking if we could go on school trips that required over night stays etc. I have such a strong memory of going on a school trip to the ballet aged 13. We were told to wear something very smart OR school uniform. Out of 30 odd girls I was the only one wearing the uniform. Everyone else had a special 'party' dress. It was not that we were desperately poor - just the old so-and so kept a very tight reign on the funds. He would often have extravagent treats himself whilst Mum would have to ask for new shoes!

Hey ho, I hope I kept it all in the past whilst I was bringing up my girls, they have certainly turned out to be delightful young women with loving natures and a firm grasp of what's important.

FlicketyB Sun 03-Mar-13 18:05:28

Didnt have a chance to have a sheltered background. My father was in the army. By my 21st birthday I had 21 'permanent' addresses, attended 10 schools, lived in 6 countries and been travelling on my own or with my younger sister either in this country, overseas or intercontinental since I was 11.

My parents were strict, not very demonstrative, but devoted to each other and to us.

nanaej Sun 03-Mar-13 18:45:22

I had caring and loving & indulgent parents who were good at letting go gradually!
Born into a 'mixed' marriage at the beginning of the 50's I spent some time overseas and at boarding school so by 13 had, like FlicketyB several homes! Then parents settled for my & my brothers' secondary schooling. I did have to choose between guides or going out with friends on Friday eves but did go to youth club midweek. Had a brill time throughout 60s venturing up to Carnaby St/Kings Rd,Eel Pie island, Ronnie Scotts and 100club.. but met DHat 15, married at 20, babies at 25 and will celebrate 42 years marriage in the summer.

I was sheltered whilst at boarding school, it was a Quaker school and no popular music with words, only saw one film, Tale of Two Cities during the time I was there.Life was tightly managed but once parents back in UK I went to local comp. and life got more exciting!

HUNTERF Sun 03-Mar-13 19:16:00

According to my mother in law I did have a sheltered upbringing.
My father and mother had reasonably good jobs and my mother in law said I had the forsight to befriend her daughter when I was 11. She was the headmistress of the school I went to and my father in law was the headmaster of another school so they had a good amount of wealth for the day.
I had to behave myself as I was around at the headmistresses house a lot but my parents were not over worried.
We generally had all the mod cons as of the date.
I never went out with any other girl and she became my wife. The 2 big setbacks I had was my sister passing away when she was 17 and my wife passed away in 2003.
I have however been left with 2 loverly daughters and 3 granddaughters and another grandchild on the way at the end of this month.

Frank

HildaW Sun 03-Mar-13 19:16:58

I have slowly developed the view (rightly or wrongly - I do not know as yet) that if your parents do actually love you and let you know they do, then you can cope with any mistakes or choices they make. Non of us are experts when our children come along but coming from a home where I was not loved I just did as best as I could knowing that whatever mistakes I did make, I did(and still do) love my daughers very very much.

shysal Sun 03-Mar-13 19:40:47

Hilda, I too felt unloved by my mother who had mental health issues. My father was unable to show emotion, but I think he was strict because he did care deep down. The freedom of being a teenager in the 60s was lost to me as I had no social life. I married my first and only boyfriend, whom I met at work, which I always knew was a mistake. We were together for over 30 years until I had the courage to divorce him. We had two beautiful daughters and now 6 wonderful grandchildren, so I cannot have any regrets. My shyness means that I still don't have much of a social life, but I have never been more content.

merlotgran Sun 03-Mar-13 19:41:45

Like flickety my childhood was full of change due to constant travel with the RAF. It made me very independant and good at adjusting and making friends.

My parents allowed me quite a bit of freedom as a teenager. Some of my friends had strict parents and it made them rebellious.
We were quite laid back with our own children and they've turned out OK so we must have done something right. grin

Nelliemoser Sun 03-Mar-13 19:47:47

flower That used to be a very common situation and not good for any of the parties.

I wouldn't say I was over protected, as others have said more restricted.
My parents were caring but very old fashioned in many ways. I don't quite know how they managed it really, but pop music, teenage fashion etc, passed me by completely. We were not particularly well off. Dad was a teacher when pay was particularly bad in that profession, but my mum seemed to think spending money was a sin, so no fashionable clothes, actually not many different clothes at all really. I think such stuff was all considered extravagant, rather shocking and naughty and somehow I was conditioned to accept this view.
I don't know how this brain washing was acheived! I was never very rebellious. I still resent this even now.

I think though I managed to avoid doing the same.
More Philip Larkin with me!

flowerfriend Sun 03-Mar-13 19:56:43

I might have been an oveorotective parent if not for my second husband. Even so, because of him I'd let my boys have the freedom and been helling at their eager departing backs to take care etc!

flowerfriend Sun 03-Mar-13 19:57:43

overprotective sorry!

granma47 Sun 03-Mar-13 21:23:41

Sheltered in many ways but I can now see some reasons why. However, I was told it was rude to say no and looking back I was lucky that didn't get me into trouble in my teens!

annodomini Sun 03-Mar-13 22:06:44

I should add that my upbringing was sheltered in the sense of being protected. It was a loving home and parents had high expectations of us. Nor were we in any way deprived. I was rather shy, especially with boys, but that eventually changed!