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Money can be a curse

(108 Posts)
petra Mon 25-Mar-13 15:56:02

By this I mean: if I didn't have any money I wouldn't be in the situation that I am now of one DD accusing me of giving more to the other DD.
This is totally untrue. The trouble is, the accuser is in a bad way with her health and her love life and she wants to lash out at someone.
I wish I had had a warning, then I could have put the crash helmet on LOL.

HUNTERF Thu 28-Mar-13 21:29:22

Galen

If you met this dream man I think you would have to will the property to your children on the proviso they allow him to stay in the property for the rest of his life if you pre decease him.
Of course there could be problems if he finds another wife to replace you.

Frank

HUNTERF Thu 28-Mar-13 21:25:15

bluebell / Galen

It is difficult to cater for every eventuality with wills.
As you know my wife passed away, my house in London was sold when I got early retirement in London and my father wanted me to join him in the house which he was living in which was half owned by me.
I had several jobs done on the house and spent about £50,000 from the sale of my own property within 18 months.
Dad could not have stayed in that house had it not been for my pension.
I was only able to spend this money as my position was covered by being a half owner in the house.
It would have been no good say 2 years later my father getting married and having the right to throw me out of the house.
If you agree with your offspring that they will return to the parental home that agreement has got to be honoured especially when the offspring has spent a substantial amount of money on the property and possibly the parent.

Frank

Enviousamerican Thu 28-Mar-13 21:13:16

anyone who doesn't agree to that isn't someone you would want to marry.

Galen Thu 28-Mar-13 21:02:00

It wouldn't have worried me in the least and if I had predeceased my husband!
Well it wouldn't would it?
I would have hoped he would remarry and find happiness! I would have trusted him to make provision for all his children.
As it happened he died 10 years ago and I have not met anyone in whom I'm the least interested.
But if I did, I would make sure the house went to my children.

bluebell Thu 28-Mar-13 20:50:56

Why do these threads always end up sounding so.....oh I don't know. If I died in the next year or two, DH might marry again (hopefully after a decent interval) to a lovely person - they could be married for 20 years or more, she might look after him through awful illnesses etc ( leaving DD free to enjoy her life) I would want my replacement to be looked after if he died first and not just seen as a gold digger or whatever.

HUNTERF Thu 28-Mar-13 20:42:46

absent

If the offspring are on the land certificate as half owners and the surviving parent is in the property and they bring a new wife in to the house there may be problems if a proper legal agreement is not done.

Frank

johanna Thu 28-Mar-13 20:17:00

Thanks Ana
Did not realise.

Ana Thu 28-Mar-13 19:13:35

Surely not, johanna? If one person in the relationship owns a property, they're under no obligation to put their spouse's or partner's name on the deeds as joint owner. If the marriage has been a long one, possibly a judge may split the value between the parties, but it depends on circumstances.

johanna Thu 28-Mar-13 19:05:25

Confused now.

I thought the law changed in mid/late 1990's.
Sole ownership of matrimonial home does not exist anymore?
By law!
Names on Deeds etc.

absent Thu 28-Mar-13 18:11:35

Reddevil3 In simple terms, if I want to sell my house or borrow against it, I have to have his permission. However, it remains my house. The Matrimonial Homes Act (dates from the 1980s I think) was really designed to protect wives whose husbands were the sole owners of the family home and then left them for a younger model. It was a way of recognising the input of wife who didn't do a paid job but contributed to marital and family life. Husbands, of course, have the same rights as wives; it's just that most sole ownership tends to be the husband rather than the wife.

HUNTERF Thu 28-Mar-13 17:54:36

Absent

A house can be jointly owned by just 2 friends for example.
If you can I will let you explain the Matrimonial Homes Act to Reddevil3.
I was really an international project finance banker and only touched on to property law in the UK.

Frank

Reddevil3 Thu 28-Mar-13 15:50:52

How does that work, absent?

absent Thu 28-Mar-13 14:40:05

HUNTERF It may be fairly common for houses to be jointly owned by spouses but it is not invariably the case. My husband has an interest in the matrimonial home because of the Matrimonial Homes Act but does not, in fact, actually own any of it.

HUNTERF Thu 28-Mar-13 08:12:59

MaureenM

If you are married and a house owner talk to a solicitor about splitting your house into tenants in common ownership and make out separate wills leaving your half to your offspring and ask your husband to do the same.
If only 1 of you has to go in to care at worst only half of the house can be taken for care fees.
The other reason my parents did this was to stop Gold Diggers getting their half.

Frank

MaureenM Wed 27-Mar-13 23:09:56

Well if it is like my parents money, it will all go in care home fees anyway. My dad was so proud of what he had saved and achieved in his lifetime and thought he would pass on to his children.

HUNTERF Wed 27-Mar-13 11:59:25

Don't worry soop.

If I live to the age my father lived to I will be around for another 25 years.
I had a mini medical a few weeks ago. Everything was fine and I do not have to take any tablets etc.

Frank

soop Wed 27-Mar-13 10:30:21

Hang on in there, Frank x

Flowerofthewest Wed 27-Mar-13 10:06:11

Fade away as all good Franks do!

Galen Tue 26-Mar-13 19:05:25

No! Ass away!

Anne58 Tue 26-Mar-13 18:46:39

Bez you must remember, Frank wont have a "demise" as such, he will "pass away" .

annodomini Tue 26-Mar-13 18:28:38

F.A.G.?

Flowerofthewest Tue 26-Mar-13 18:21:07

Let start a Frank Appreciation Group!

soop Tue 26-Mar-13 15:07:18

Frank You are better [for me] than any "pep pill" grin

petra Tue 26-Mar-13 11:36:29

Some of you mentioned Grand Children. I think this is where a lot of the "trouble" is coming from; although the one who has the gripe has chosen not to have children and most of what we give (mostly time) is given to the GC.
Some years ago we lent one DD a large sum of money for a deposit on a house.
It wasn't a secret, it was just something we did. Now, from what the one with the gripe is saying we know that the other one has mentioned it.
The one with the gripe had her own house, which she never asked us for a penny; although we have bought a car for them and OH has done bathroom and kitchen.
The trouble is; I don't want to speak to the DD who had the money because she would go ballistic and I'm one for: A still tongue makes a wise head.

absent Tue 26-Mar-13 07:26:28

Hi Cary and welcome to gransnet. Ignore silly comments about what you can contribute to and feel free to post on any forum you like and, indeed, to start a conversation on any subject that interests you.