Gransnet forums


Money can be a curse

(107 Posts)
petra Mon 25-Mar-13 15:56:02

By this I mean: if I didn't have any money I wouldn't be in the situation that I am now of one DD accusing me of giving more to the other DD.
This is totally untrue. The trouble is, the accuser is in a bad way with her health and her love life and she wants to lash out at someone.
I wish I had had a warning, then I could have put the crash helmet on LOL.

Movedalot Mon 25-Mar-13 16:10:17

What difference does it make what you do with your money? I assume they are both adults?

Mine have all been helped in different ways at different times, according to their needs. If you bought one a pair of shoes when they were small did you always buy the other one a pair whether they needed it or not? I shouldn't think so, why is it different when they are adults?

My mother felt so guilty about helping out the others she always promised me I would get her unit trusts when she died. I didn't but am an adult.

j08 Mon 25-Mar-13 16:21:38

I do try to keep it even with mine. But I'm not above quietly slipping a bit extra to any one of them feeling a particular need. (Best to keep it quiet I think shock)

gracesmum Mon 25-Mar-13 16:23:09

Waiting for Frank's input on this one.....

HUNTERF Mon 25-Mar-13 16:43:07

Fortunately my 2 daughters have common sense.
My older daughter has 2 daughters and my younger daughter has 1 and another child due on Saturday.
I have obviously given more to my older daughter's children so far which is like giving money to my daughter because there are 2 children but I have no doubt I will be spending money on my new grandchild soon.
Both lots of grandparents shared a health insurance excess amounting to £500 for our oldest granddaughter last Christmas as we regard this as being nobody's fault and as far as I know my youngest daughter does not expect anything as a result of this. She even offered to contribute.

With regard to my estate I think I may be willing it to my grandchildren at some point as my daughters are reasonably well off.
If at that point my 1 daughter has 3 children and the other 2 will it be fair to give my one lot of my grandchildren a quarter of the estate each and the other lot a sixth each or do I give them all 20%.


Nonu Mon 25-Mar-13 16:45:20

Grace , from your lips to his ears . LOL

Nonu Mon 25-Mar-13 16:48:18

May I be as bold as to ask why you shared a health insurance excess ?

Galen Mon 25-Mar-13 16:49:41

Oh! The trials of being richsad

kittylester Mon 25-Mar-13 17:04:41

When my Mum wrote her will she left my two brothers and I a third of her estate each. Then, because I have 5 children, their small inheritances had to be taken from my share! Luckily confused there will be little left to share out!

On the other hand, FiL left all his grandchildren a couple of thousand pounds each and the remainder, after other small bequests, was shared between DH and his three brothers.

absent Mon 25-Mar-13 17:07:27

When absentdaughter and absent-son-in-law were discussing whether to have a fifth child, the latter remarked, "I'm not sure it's a good idea. Your mother has only four rental houses." I think he was joking. In any case, I have five rental houses now – and, much more exciting, five grandchildren. Young Fionn will be one on Easter Sunday. [proud granny emoticon]

absent Mon 25-Mar-13 17:07:58

Finn, not Fionn – what kind of name would that be?

Movedalot Mon 25-Mar-13 17:09:32

Isn't that Mrs Hague? Or someone like that.

HUNTERF Mon 25-Mar-13 17:10:28


My sons in law / daughters pay for private health insurance for themselves and the children.
A £500 excess is payable once a year if there is a claim by each person eg if 1 child has a claim £500 will be payable. If the mother and 1 child has a claim £1,000 will be payable.
If the worst happens and my older daughter, son in law, and 2 granddaughters have a claim then a total of £2,000 excess will be payable.
They took this risk as it saves about £900 in premiums as it is very unlikely all will have a claim the same year but if it did happen we will find £2,000 within the family.
We just thought it would be a nice gesture for both lots of grandparents to share that bill as it happened at Christmas so the grandchildren's Christmas presents would not be affected in any way.


j08 Mon 25-Mar-13 17:10:53

Ann Irish one?

j08 Mon 25-Mar-13 17:11:21

sorry for the extra n there

Nonu Mon 25-Mar-13 17:14:29

Thank you Hunter , I understand .


glammanana Mon 25-Mar-13 17:16:49

Nonu bet you're sorry you asked now {grin]

glammanana Mon 25-Mar-13 17:17:31

woops ! grin

Nonu Mon 25-Mar-13 17:18:19

Shush , pixie.
[grin moon]

Nonu Mon 25-Mar-13 17:18:54

moon as in night .

Faye Mon 25-Mar-13 17:55:30

Frank leave your grandchildren equal shares. It is different if you leave half each to your daughters, but if you are willing your estate to your grandchildren I think it is best to leave them all the same amount.

Bez Mon 25-Mar-13 18:08:16

What happens if more are born after your demise?

Ana Mon 25-Mar-13 18:10:15

I agree - it would be very unfair to do the alternative you were considering, Frank, in my opinion, and could lead to ill-feeling in the family.

Ana Mon 25-Mar-13 18:12:29

I think you can make a proviso for that in your will, Bez, because the money would be held in trust for the grandchildren until they came of age anyway and it would just be split equally.

gracesmum Mon 25-Mar-13 18:33:30

I knew I should have kept my mouth shut....grin