Jay Griffiths Q&A on childhood/child wellbeing

How can we allow children freedom to play outside when we worry all the time about their safety? I have recently been to a presentation about the life of children in the fifties. I was one of those children and it was a really nostalgic session. We went out all day and only went home when hungry or when all the friends had gone back home.
There was no parental interference in our play and the creativity of us was allowed to develop naturally.

I do think that we are risk-averse these days, but we also understand the notion of childhood and don't subject our children to hard manual work, or make them leave school at an early age. We immunise, keep them warm and nourish them, take them on holidays, give them a better standard of living, and have learned about their developmental needs - all much improved on the fifties.

We have a nostalgic view of the fifties, when there was little traffic and lots of mums were at home and present to keep an eye on things. I remember chapped skin and chilblains, freezing cold rooms, being seen but not heard, and having to trudge round wet, windy roads when my mum took us grocery shopping - not much liberation there, it seemed to take hours. Being bored did engender creativity, but stimulation can bring out a child's creativity, too. It's a question of balance.

Yes,we played out, and went on the occasional adventure, but we had boundaries - my mum would say 'don't go where you can't hear me calling you.'

Jay are you saying all children are over-scheduled? Is it inner-city children? What level of childhood activity do you think they miss out on most?

Jay Do you feel that the 1 million+ children who are denied contact with their grandparents are thus denied opportunities for creative and imaginative play.l believe UK is low in the list of child well-being in this area.

Elisabeth Truss has recently announced that when she recently visited nurseries children were running around without any purpose. Do you think little children of nursery school age should be in classrooms that provide adult structured learning activities or should little children be allowed to choose how to use their own time? What approach do you think prepares children best for managing their lives in the future?

Sorry reading your intro.. I don't think you can compare West Papua and the Arctic to contemporary Britain - or any other country that isn't Western. What works for one country, won't necessarily work for ours.

Jay - how would you define childhood? Personally, I think children should be preparing for adulthood. I'm not against play, of course children should play, but the slow pace of life 'back in the day' and also displayed in the countries you mention, does not resonate with UK culture and society.

I guess it is al about balance. I think children do need some structured play but also time to play with or without playmates in an unstructured way so that they can develop their own individuality and express their imagination. If children don't get time for this because of their over full timetable which can sometimes be parents trying to keep up with other parents, then I think they could become irritable tired and unenthusiastic about anything. They will have plenty of pressure all too soon. Why inflict it on them in their short childhood? I tried to maintain a balance with my own children so that they had some activites that they enjoyed which were structured and time for themselves to do as they pleased whether it be playing with the dog, pet rabbit, cars, transformers or making a den in the garden etc. They also went out to play behind our house as we are lucky enough to have open heathland behind us and they weren't too far away from me there.

Jay, What effect on children do you think the technological aspects of life i.e. iPads computers mobile phones will a have on children's lives and how do you see them affecting their development, if at all?

Do you think Western culture puts too much pressure on children to be individual, creative and strive to be extroverted? What about the children who simply don't want to climb trees and happy to sit there reading a book? I think creating ideals just means those who don't fit in, feel like they're not good enough.

DIL has started Kumon maths with DGS and he is 3 years and four months. He seems really excited to do it - even asks for more maths after they've completed the task. I think he just values the attention and sense of achievement.

What's your opinion on starting extra-curricular activities at this age - or any age? He obviously doesn't see it as learning, it's all a game to him. Surely if the child is happy it doesn't matter that he's not climbing trees (to use Cheese's example!)?

Totally agree,Copycat. My DGS loved me to give him sums before he went to school. He is 6 now and loves Maths.
My DGD (4) is always asking me what words say. I think some children love to learn.

How far should you push individualism? Surely there's a fine line between letting your child discover themselves and them running riot. Do you not think that too much emphasis is on 'finding yourself' as a child? I think most children like to be told what to do. It's easy to follow instructions. Too much freedom and choice causes confusion and stress for the child.

'The work of childhood is play'. End of....

Why should it be either/or? Why should it be a classroom for children of nursery age and not a playroom with incidental learning? And what age were the children in the nursery who were running around with no purpose? How do we know thay had no purpose? Should purpose be imposed by adults?

When I ran a playgroup for 30 two and a half to nearly-five year olds, we had many activities going on at the same time. There was a sandpit, a water tank, a table with clay (not plasticene) on it, a climbing frame, a corner to dress up and play houses with table/chairs/cooker/dolls/cot, jigsaws, drawing materials, books, and a mini woodwork bench with mini real tools. Was this lacking in purpose? They were learning all the time, about the nature of different materials, size, shape, volume, imagination, working together.

The children moved from one thing to another as they wished, except for the workbench which was restricted to two at a time, by having two canvas carpenters' aprons which must be worn, and an adult stationed there at all times to supervise and make sure no-one used the hammer or saw as a weapon. This was a very popular occupation, and children would play with something nearby while keeping a lookout for a discarded apron - then move smartly in. They were learning a valuable lesson - taking turns and waiting patiently. And not braining a friend with a hammer.

At intervals we had whole-group sessions. Story time was one, elevenses was another - everyone, including the youngest, sat at tables and sang songs and nursery rhymes while the milk and snacks were brought out. They could leave the table and go back to playing, but without taking food with them. We would say "You are finished with this, then?" If they were not, they came back to the table for it. They were learning still - civilised eating habits. They did not run around. That was gently discouraged and anyone with energy to burn off was directed to climbing frame or woodwork table. Banging in nails burns off a lot of frustration. In good weather, we all went outside for part of the morning where runing around was OK.

Not all the parents went along with all this, of course. When one child (no more than a toddler) had proudly taken home a yellow scribble which he said was a duck, his mother asked me why I was not teaching him how to draw a duck properly. My reply was that he had drawn his interpretation of a duck, I could only teach him to draw my interpretation of a duck. His artistic skill would develop as he grew, but he would have been stuck with my "correct" duck..

Two typos - they, not thay, and running has two Ns.

Do you think it could also be said that children have too much time to lose themselves in play - to perhaps the point of neglect - because nowadays both parents are too busy working to spend one-to-one bonding time with their children? Perhaps scheduling activities is just a way for parents to interact with their children.

Elegran, I see what you mean about the duck example, but DS's nursery workers have said to me that they're not allowed to teach pre-school children anything. DS can write his name, but since he's been practicing at nursery in my absence, he's been writing it in mirror. Apparently, they're not allowed to correct him and tell him the right way to do it!

That is a case of "the letter of the law" ! I think in that position I would get a mirror and say "Oh! you have written it so that it can be read in a mirror. Look!" and also show him the same thing written the right way - not, of course, that you dare say right or wrong these days. You can only say "I write it this way". What is the betting even that is outlawed too?

Of course Leonardo Da Vinci could write equally well with either hand, but he was a genius. Would he be interested in hearing how L Da V used his mirror writing to write secret messages that no-one else could understand? That might get the message over that if you want people to read what you write, it pays to conform.

I can understand them not wanting them to half-learn one way of doing subtraction, say, and then getting confused when they start "real school" and a teacher does it another way.

Elegran your playgroup sounds just like the one my own children attended. They loved it and learned valuable lessons in how to share not only toys, but also the attention of the adults, which was useful when they went to school.

A day to remember -in Mar 2006 I had the care of my GS (age 6).Packed drinks/ snacks for lunch and walked to the nearby woods in Bristol.What an adventure we had!
We 'looked out for wild animals ',gathered twigs and logs to build a bridge,made a camp and see-saw.It was a fine sunny day-most of the action was directed by my GS.I just followed instructions -helped moving logs etc.
Time flew by - we saw very few people and spent no money.
Jay how does this fit into your thoughts of freedom and creativity?
This is the kind of activity grandparents can do so well with GC.

I hope GS remembers this day also .I have been denied contact with him for over 2 years!

I'll try to post some photos of that day on my profile.

Maniaceight year olds have vivid memories. Don't for one moment think he will have forgotten. It will be what he tells his grandson one day.

It's all very well to make a stand and let one's child (or grandchild) play and enjoy a life free from constantly scheduled activity - but if all the other children in the class can play tennis, swim, play the piano etc and yours can't aren't you then putting them at a disadvantage after all?

Out of interest do you think it is a good thing or a bad thing for children to have pets? It's all very well saying it teaches them empathy and responsibility but show me a parent who hasn't ended up taking sole care for a gerbil or a goldfish or a puppy once the novelty has worn off. I know very few exceptions to this

I've read that you think the risk-averse society enfeebles children, robbing them of the physical freedom they both want and need - but are you honestly saying it's ok to let a 7 or 8 year old roam free on their bikes all day the way we did when we were kids? Isn't there a big difference between being risk averse and downright foolish? Some risks are worth taking - in my mind this definitely is not.

It's all very dependent on surroundings, isn't it?

When my DD was small we lived in a cul-de-sac full of young families, with a small wood at one end. From the age of about 4 it felt completely normal and safe to wave the children out in the morning and call them back in for food, because they were safe, happy and we knew where they were. Also, every mum (and it was mums in those days!) would pop out to check on them all during the day.

It sounds like another world now, doesn't it? My 3-year-old GS is growing up in a city and while they have lovely parks and many exciting places to visit, I think he will be well over 4 before DD and SIL feel happy to wave him off for the day.

What would you suggest, Jay?

Hello Jay

Space and time is all very well, but given the choice, my two GDs (aged 8 and 13) would spend all the time staring at screens. The only time when they're actually out and doing, as far as I can tell, is when they're at their weekly Brownie and Scout groups or when DS and DIL take them on a family walk, which (to their credit) they do most weekends.

I agree that it's ideal for children to be roaming independently outside, but how do you resolve that with children who aren't especially interested?