Funny translations into English

A hotel in Jordan had a helpful page of information for English guests headed Dear Gussets,
I kept a copy .not that I could even know how to get an English hotel menu translated into Arabic .

A student of mine from Taiwan translated a recipe for me:
"boil the noodles until they are feeble-minded".( Some confusion with the word soft/limp.)We have a joke in our house now about "feeble-minded noodles".

Chicken bowels with spit.

When running our restaurant in Spain I was known by the suppliers as The Heffer which translates to the boss my lot found it very apt.

These are hilarious - I especially like the very tempting "chicken bowels and spit".

This isn't really a case of poor translation, but it was funny anyway.

Some years ago, I was giving a conversational English class to a group of students at a French university. As it was our first class, I asked the students to tell me about themselves.

I didn't know what to say when one announced, in his lovely French accent, "I like to make love to people".

I know that the French have a reputation in these matters, but even so!

It was quite a while before I worked out that he meant, "I like to make laugh to people", or as we would say, "I like to make people laugh".
Well, he managed it with that sentence, although he was bright red when he discovered what I thought he had said!

Then there was the time, as a teenager, when I was on holiday in France with my parents. For some strange reason, my mum wanted to buy some elastic bands. Obviously, we had no idea what they were in French, so out came the little dictionary and the words 'elastic' and 'band' were looked up. I tried to make myself invisible while my mother asked the stall-holder for "elastique orchestre".
Needless to say, we left empty-handed.

A long wooden slide in an Austrian salt mine offers the only exit for the tourist groups who visit. At the top, there is a sign in German with English translation below ....pic link below
www.gransnet.com/forums/pictures/1196534-Testing?msgid=25064228#25064228

We did all attempt to follow Rule 2

Seen on an animal enclosure, "No entry - zukippers only".

On a menu in Antwerp - "Pork Shops"

Living on the East Coast of Africa, hardworking, rippled of muscle and totally gorgeous builder of new garden wall to me: "I have lust. You have lust?" Cue total confusion and quick weighing up from me until I realised he was referring to the fact that we both drove cars that had a problem with RUST.

On a beach in the far east a sign saying No pi****g or sh*****g here.

Nice one, Grannyknot. The African L/R confusion was well illustrated by one of my erstwhile pupils who wrote: 'The French have been having a presidential erection.'

anno

Had a lovely bilingual (English/French) lodger once. And a troublesome vacuum cleaner. Got home one day and Julie had dismantled cleaner, convinced that there was a blockage in the hose "I 'ave even passed water through it!" she announced.
In Greece once, a menu item announced itself as "owl". This worried us a lot as the Scops owl is a charming little bird and surely not a game bird (despite the Mediterranean fixation on blasting songbirds out of the sky with shotguns). There are limits.
Crosschecked with dictionary - the Greek word was indeed "owl".
Asked the waiter. Apparently it is a children's snack, something like cheese on toast with an owl's face made on it with bits of olive etc.

On sale in Corfu last week 'frizzy water'. Enough to make your hair curl !

Oh! I need some of that.

Katyk Talking of hair curling reminds me of a French pen friend I once had who described herself as having 'undulating hair'.

Maniac - that's funny. My sister had a Belgian friend once who asked her if she 'unplugged her eyebrows'.

Instructions on back of electrical product

Oh, I love that, Pittcity! Especially the instruction to 'Get rid of children'!

A Cuban lady we met on a Med cruise was worried about European bugs, so she went to the doctor demanding "vacuuum me"

Actually most insructions for electrical goods read like that to me Pittcity I must stop being such a luddite

This is from a brochure issued by a Beijing hotel
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word, from Mandarin to English……….

Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport.. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! . You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

(I'm not sure whether this is true or a joke, but it made me laugh anyway! )