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Do you 'like' all your friends?

(90 Posts)
kittylester Sat 22-Jun-13 10:54:55

I have a friend whose life is always wonderful - her daughter's soon to be 3rd husband is really in love with her, treats her so well, etc (as did the previous 2 confused). Her granddaughter works at 'the best law firm', her grandson is doing his degree at the same university as most of the country's top business men, his teacher says he has exactly the right attitude to be a millionaire by the time he is 30 - you get my drift!

I'm aware that, often, it's just a case of 'protesting too much' but sometimes I find it really wearing although we have the same sense of humour and get on really well.

Does anyone else know people like that?

Bags Sun 23-Jun-13 08:17:20

I've thunk about this for a day and decided that, yes, I do like all my friends. However, I don't like them all the same or for the same reasons, but they wouldn't be friends if I didn't like them for what I do like them for (getting tongue tied yet?).

If someone 'got up my nose' I wouldn't regard them as a friend – just an (annoying) acquaintance. I'd probably avoid them where possible.

soop Sun 23-Jun-13 11:50:51

Bags ...own up, you like me because I make you appear 'sane'...wink

soop Sun 23-Jun-13 11:51:59

...and I like jings because she makes me appear 'sane' wink

Bags Sun 23-Jun-13 11:52:08

grin

It's certainly useful to have a friend who does that, soop!

grin

soop Sun 23-Jun-13 11:53:59

...that's right...I have my uses! grin

Movedalot Sun 23-Jun-13 12:09:42

I wonder how we define 'boasting'? I do want to know about the genuine successes and happy things which happen to my friends and their families. Is it the manner in which they say it which annoys? Is it when they have something we don't have and we are perhaps not admitting to ourselves that we are just a little envious? It is such a personal thing, what may sound like boasting to one might sound like informing to another. How will I know the difference?

I was very good friends with a boss and his family when he bought his daughter a very nice car for her 17th, I helped him with the surprise. I didn't think he was doing anything he shouldn't, nor that he would be boasting if he told anyone. He wasn't bankrupting himself to do it, and was doing it for her not to show off.

Bags Sun 23-Jun-13 12:20:46

You're right, moved. It is often a personal thing. I was brought up to regard talk about money and spending large amounts of it to be in bad taste. My parents wanted us to be more interested in ideas than material things – which is not to say I'm not interested in material things, but people's 'materiality' (no, it isn't a word... well, not until now anyhow!) is not usually, if ever, what's important about them to me. I do find flashiness about money, whether deliberate or not, distasteful.

nanaej Sun 23-Jun-13 12:41:15

I have some close friends who I value and love but they are not perfect and sometimes they can be irritating! I guess I am to them too but our friendship is strong enough to overcome these niggles! I have found irritations are more noticable as we have got older..is it our behaviour changing or having more time to notice??

janerowena Sun 23-Jun-13 12:41:57

I have just realised that I don't have any friends like that, we all have far too many other interests to talk about and although families are mentioned it's usually only in passing. However I do remember my grandmother being annoyed by a friend of hers who did the same thing. As my grandmother had always been brought up to think that boasting was just awful, she found it very hard to sit there and listen, as she couldn't bring herself to retaliate.

Movedalot Sun 23-Jun-13 12:43:50

I was always taught that it was vulgar to talk about money and to boast and I hope I don't do either Bags but I'm not sure where the line between keeping people informed and boasting is? In one way it is almost as bad to keep one's family's achievements secret as to tell people. Don't think I'm good at explaining this so will give one example. Recently my DS was interviewed for a newspaper which printed a whole page about him. I told the people who would be interested but if I hadn't and they had seen it or been told about it they would have been hurt that I hadn't told them. Perhaps the secret is who we tell?

nanaej Sun 23-Jun-13 12:46:32

Moved i think boasting is when a person talks about something they are proud about in the hope of praise and to boost their esteem. Often without the sensitivity to notice it might be upsetting/hurtful/put down to those listening. Also not properly acknowledging others' similar achievements.

e.g 'My GS was 'man of the match' for the 300th time this season, he is so briliant , coach thinks best since sliced bread etc etc' and then not noticing that the other person's GC has a physical disability but has just won an award for art! Does that make sense!

Movedalot Sun 23-Jun-13 13:01:27

Yes, that helps nanej. I suppose I've never tried to define it before, think it is one of those things you just know when you come across it. It does tend to be those same people who don't give you a chance to get a word in during a conversation.

susieb755 Sun 23-Jun-13 14:22:49

I think we all know people like that, - I just tend to let them get on with it as its a sort of lack of self esteem I think that makes people boast, it can be infuriating at times, but best to count to ten.

I find the worst are people , who when you are telling them something, always pipe in with 'the same thing happened to me, but ten times worse'... a girl I work with was talking about problems with her ex, who suffered terrible PSTD after serving in Sierra Leone and Iraq, when our other colleague chipped in with 'Oh I had awful PSTD following a difficult birth............'

Greatnan Sun 23-Jun-13 17:04:11

In reply to the op - I did!

gracesmum Sun 23-Jun-13 17:08:36

sad

NfkDumpling Sun 23-Jun-13 17:20:18

My much loved MiL was like that Susie. Whatever complaint anyone had she always knew someone who'd died from it!

Butty Sun 23-Jun-13 17:43:36

In answer to the OP - Yes, absolutely. In differing ways for different reasons, from many walks of life. Each and every one triggers something in me that enriches my life.
If that doesn't happen, then it is merely acquaintance - sometimes a good acquaintance, but good friendship goes beyond that.

Mamie Sun 23-Jun-13 17:46:46

I keep thinking this thread is about Facebook. hmm

NfkDumpling Sun 23-Jun-13 17:48:39

[like] grin

soop Sun 23-Jun-13 18:01:43

Butty and that is how I feel...smile

kittylester Mon 24-Jun-13 07:25:16

I really enjoy spending time with this particular friend except when the boasting starts but, taking Butty's point, she maybe is just a good acquaintance.

I didn't tell her, or anyone else apart from his siblings, when DS1 was in the paper and on the radio but no-one could have been more proud of his achievements!

inthefields Mon 24-Jun-13 07:49:19

Do you 'like' all your friends?
Fewer & fewer as I get older. Probably because my tolerance for BS is decreasing, whilst my inclination to say my piece is on the rise!

absent Mon 24-Jun-13 07:59:37

What is BS?

Bags Mon 24-Jun-13 08:06:54

bullshit

suzz Mon 24-Jun-13 10:23:44

Whats a friend? I don't seem to have any sad.