The Sadness

I feel that physical pain, too, for my lovely mum and dad. It comes in waves, and often when I least expect it. I don't want it to stop, because it somehow makes them real to me. But Phoenix, nothing can compare to what you, and others who have lost a child, must suffer. Kind thoughts to all who are missing their loved ones

My sister died after a road accident over 20 years ago and there are still think of her a lot and can get caught unawares when something reminds me of her, music or a book, but particularly music. My parents were still alive then and suffered that worst of all losses the loss of a child. My mother was never quite the same again. My father had strength for both of them and they resumed their normal life but the loss was always palpable.

Today a birthday card arrived for my birthday next week. I glanced at the writing and for a nanosecond thought it was my father's writing. He died 5 years ago, but it brings back the sadness. My dearest friend died 4 years ago and I still ache for one of her phone calls.

I think we have to be philosophical in accepting that for every life there will be a death but nothing can compensate for the loss of someone who was once close and dear to us. If the death of someone dear to us meant no more than loosing contact with a chance acquaintance, then life would be very flat and sad indeed.

I'm very touched by the feelings of loss on this thread, and all I can offer is my understanding of such sadness to those of you who have experienced it.

I lost my childhood, and there is not a day that passes when I do not remember.

I am like you, Gally, always seeming to be happy, which is actually my natural disposition, but the loss of my daughter to her addiction, and her probable early death from it, is never far from my mind.
I am not depressed, just very sad, but I have stopped lying awake night after night composing letters to her and her children.
It is the terrible waste of a life that is so upsetting, just as it must be for Phoenix.
The death of elderly parents is to be expected, even if it causes pain, but the death of a child feels unnatural.
I send sympathy to every person who is mourning for somebody they loved - I think you have to experience the loss before you can understand it.

Phoenix, you are not mad at all, if you are grieving, then give in to the grief and spend some time remembering, perhaps it might help if you could recall good times. Sending you love and healing thoughts. [hugs] xx

My thoughts are with all you brave people who have lost people close to you, particularly those of you who have lost children.
Your postings have been truly remarkable, I have been touched by what I have read and feel very humbled
to you all xx

Glassortwo started a thread recently as she was feeling grumpy and opinion seemed to be that it was a normal state - we should embrace our inner grump. Surely The Sadness is also a normal affliction for those of our generation and I think we should embrace it too, mourn for a while. For how much worse would it be to have no one to mourn? To have missed the enrichment those we loved brought to us.

to those who mourn and for those who are mourned.

The loss of a child is the worse pain that a parent can experience

phoenix marelli gally galen I cant imagine the pain you feel.

butty Sorry your post wasn't noticed but I am sending you {{{hugs}}} I know what it would have taken to stand up and make that statement.

Butty, . xx

And also to you, glass, my dear. xx

to Butty and also to Phoenix especially for starting this thread and enabling so many of you to express your deep grief and sadness.

Phoenix I know what you mean as so many of us unfortunately do. My son was murdered when he was only seventeen and the anniversary of this is coming up this month. It doesn't matter how long ago we lose people, there are just those times when we just think about it and feel sadness and no, it doesn't mean we are all suffering from depression and no we aren't going mad. Neither do we need anti-depressants(although some people might) it means we are just remembering and boy does it hurt. My love and thoughts go out to all who go through this at various times and some of us cover it very well as has been said. Grief can hit you when you least expect it and depart just as quickly until another day. Best wishes to all.

I have only just seen this thread and wonder what brought on this feeling this week phoenix? Did something remind you? Is it an anniversary of something? Whatever it was I hope you are beginning to feel a bit better now. We are used to seeing you as upbeat most of the time

To everyone else who shares these feelings of loss I share them with you.

I would imagine that it's a pain that is always there but sometimes, for no particular reason, washes over you like a wave, possibly at a time when you least expect it to happen. But this is just me surmising. Either way, I can't imagine such pain or how anyone finds the inner strength to cope with it .

positivepam, the anniversaries are particularly hard, aren't they? In my case it's the run up to what would have been his birthday, and usually by the time the day has come, the grief subsides again, like an ebb and flow. I do try not to let it creep up, and try to occupy myself by doing something else, but it just does just fall about me again, and it hits like a sledgehammer. However, as you say - we're not suffering from depression, and don't need medication to get us through it (though some may).
However, it's not all there is. It's not what I'm about - it's something that happened to him and to me. And life is good - very good.

I've been avoiding this thread......

It's a year since my sister died this weekend. Her picture is on my kitchen dresser and every time I have passed it in the last few days, I feel overwhelmingly sad that she isn't here. But.....I can accept her loss and I know I'm going to be ok again after this weekend has passed.

The loss of your child or your childhood, that's a whole other, deeper, visceral pain. I'm so sorry that some people have been put through this. for you.

when - . xx

phoenix and those others who have lost a child - it has all been said. You are not alone. The gransnet community cares and understands. Please do not think you are mad.

I feel slightly daft being so deeply affected by the recent death of my Dad - he was 93 for goodness sake - he had a long life and, although he had a very difficult year, his final moments were peaceful. I know this cannot compare with the death of a child or a spouse, but I feel that he was the first person who ever loved me and that makes him very special in my heart.

We all have to deal with loss and it is indeed a physical pain - my heart goes out to you all.xxx

I had lost my mum and dad and nan by the time I was 30. It was heart breaking at the time I still feel a deep sadness for them and I suppose pity for myself, even envy of friends whose parents are still alive.

I don't know how those of you whom have lost a child cope, to quote Mishap my heart goes out to you all xx

positivepam I don't know what to say, to have a child -taken- from you like that must be so hard. (For those who do not know, my youngest son Jack hanged himself)

Movedalot no anniversary, no reminder, just that sometimes the feeling comes upon me and is deep and strong.

Pam , sorry the "taken" was supposed to be underlined.

To Phoenix & others who have suffered so much, whatever their loss, none of us are mad, just sad - we wouldn't be right if we weren't sad.
20 years ago tonight my lovely 16 year old daughter & middle child died 40 days after being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia. So of I feel sad too tonight & not a day goes by without thinking about her. But it's mixed with the joy of having been privileged to have given her birth & known her in her short life & I'm strengthened by the love shown by all her & her brother & sister's friends to us through & after her illness. So love to us all & be as sad as you need to be. It's not the feeling itself but what you do with it that is important.

Cannot imagine how painful that must be. I love my daughter so much.thinking of you

I have those feelings often, I was 19 when my boyfriend was shot and killed in Brazil, we were on a gap year before Uni travelling around South America. Its strange but I sometimes smell him, roll ups and a certain soap in some situations. My Mum died a few years ago and I often pick up the phone to call her and then remember. Its ok to feel sad but its also brilliant to remember how very special they were.