How liberated are you?

I was also brought up to defer to men.....Didn't work!

Apart from my husband, I'm not really comfortable with men. I put it down to being an only child and going to an all-girls school. I wouldn't say I defer to them, but I can find them a bit intimidating.

Eldest of three daughters? Defer to men? Never! Only defer to people you know are worthy of your respect, be they men or women. Occasionally I have to defer to one or other of my sons because their knowledge about something is superior to mine. But then there are things I know about that they sometimes have to learn from me.

Defer to men? Never again! Been there, worn the Tshirt and got well bullied for it!

I'm much too bossy now

No, I don't defer to men. I suppose I was brought up to do so, though. My mother used to rush home from work so lay my father's clothes out for him so that he could go to the bowling club - everything all nicely pressed. Men were served first at the table etc and made all the decisions and my first DH was very controlling. Once he'd been given the heave-ho, I discovered and decided that men were absolutely no different to me - in fact the ones I'd met weren't as strong as me!

Totally

A guy we used to house share with way back in uni days used to say that I was liberated woman before women were liberated, but I think I've gone slightly backwards in that I now have a bloke that drives me everywhere [my driving is lousy] and opens doors for me. At first I used to say 'why are you opening a door for me when I can do it myself?' but I now expect it. However, he also does the shopping and the cooking so I suppose I have the best of both worlds .

Tegan! You've certainly not gone backwards - more like forwards, I think! He defers to you!

No way!!

It would be impossible with DH anyway. He is far to easy going. In fact I sometimes have to force him into making a decision that involves both of us.

Call me a hypocrite but I do still like doors opened for me though .

I was brought up amongst 3 generations of strong women who never displayed any signs of deferring to their OHs and had healthy marriages. Similar with DH and I.

I too am an only child and went to an all girls school but strangely, on the whole, prefer male company.

I have a friend whose husband is very controlling, due to his own insecurities I suspect and I hate to see how he has stripped her confidence over the years.

Exactly what anno said!

As my mother used to say 'I don't need equality with men, I am much better than a man' and she certainly had my father trained. Not entirely sure I have followed in her footsteps because my husband was brought up to believe men were most important. At least it makes for an interesting if fiery relationship.

I suspect most of us grew up with those 1950's films in which the women were scatty and the men in charge as a backdrop. I'm also the oldest of 3 daughters. Mum would say that she 'blamed' herself that her daughters were all 'so stroppy'. Her approach to women's liberation was to simply do what she liked and manipulate dad into agreeing with whatever it was. I didn't want to do that, and neither deferred to men, nor used manipulation to get what I wanted. That approach didn't add joy to my first marriage. Just as well, because I jumped ship and my life has been much the better and happier as a result.

Mum was a strong woman and organised everything. I thought that was the norm. Then I married a man who had been brought up by an equally strong and matriarchal gran. We just automatically shared everything - housework, money, decisions. My first job was in the civil service that had had equal pay since WW2 at least. I was in my mid 20s when i first experienced misogyny and I wouldn't have a bar of it!!

Defer to a man??!! I don't defer to anyone, though i do look after my husband now that he has multiple health problems, and I do all the housework, mainly because he's in pain a lot of the time.

But TV has given us so many situation comedies of the 'Daddy is a prat' type that it seems to be a given that domestically we live in a matriarchy.

That's just television of course... from [i]Terry and June[/i] to [i]My Family, The Simpsons [/i] and [i]Bless This House[/i] (to take a selection at random) paterfamilias is portrayed as an oaf, rescued from his own inadequacy by his loving spousette at every turn.

Sorry about the tags - forgot where I was posting...

My mother was one of six sisters, all strong women who had their own careers. I was educated by nuns and went on to an all girls grammar school and all girls 6th form college. Never for a moment occurred to me that men were in any was superior and never met men who thought women were inferior until I went into primary teaching.

I find the idea that anyone, male or female, should routinely defer to their partner abhorrent. My father told us to 'tip your hat to no man' meaning that we are the equal of anyone.

I've lived with the same man for thirty eight years and have listened to and taken his advice on matters as he has mine, however neither of us would defer to the other simply because it was expected.

I think woman have been socialised to defer to men in order to protect their (men's) egos. I can't believe that men's egos are so fragile that they have to be made to feel more important than women.

My father was very controlling and I think my mother just accepted that was the way things were, whilst I was expected to help with housework and cooking my brother did nothing. He does have a controlling streak and even his grown and married children will defer to him. When I last visited they were amazed when I challenged him on his views during conversations!

In my own marriage my DH and I considered ourselves as equal partners, some things he did because he was good at them, some I did because I did those things better. Whenever decisions were made we would sit down and talk them through - he was the visionary who could see the potential in a situation, I was the practical one who could see all the drawbacks.

Defer to men just because they are men? Never.

I do like having doors opened for me, but I hold doors open for anyone behind me - its good manners.

I never defer to men, My dear late MIL used to give my DDH the last cake on the plate and when serving the Sunday joint I used to received the fatty bits and he the lean and best cuts. When she turned to dig out the Yorkshire Puds he would slip bits of meat to my plate and take half of mine. Love him for that amongst other things.

My mother lives next door to a gas repair person (woman) she was thought she needed to speak to the gas board. I said "Ask you neighbour for advice" she replied "What would she know she's a woman"

hebrideanlady, totally defer to men or totally not defer to men?

My dad who was of a scientific bent and had two girls taught us a lot of science stuff and didn't treat us as "girls who would not understand." he bought me a chemistry set when I was about 12; brilliant fun!

My mother was the one who didn't seem to think girls should not be clever or outspoken. She thought I was endangering my marriage by not ensuring my hubby was catered for if I was going out. I have never deferred to my OH. No bloody way!

I don't defer to anyone!
What's a man? A woman with chromosomal defiecency!

[Grin] Galen