ADHD and blame

It is. I don't pretend to know anything about ADHD, but I do wonder if many of these conditions are over diagnosed, and if they they partly the result of poor or inconsistent parenting.

Clearly, there have always been children 'with the attention span of a gnat' but I would have thought that the best way of helping them is to put in place measures which would help them to focus when necessary, to get rid of surplus energy by building into the daily activities lots of physical exercise and by making the boundaries of acceptable behaviour perfectly clear. This will help the child and those surrounding him (and it does seem to be mostly boys who are diagnosed with this condition). As the writer says, once the protective walls of school are left behind, employers will not be tolerant of poor behaviour, and if they are fortunate enough to be self employed, they will quickly learn that a business will not succeed without order, structure and focus.

At a slight tangent, and thinking about conditions which were unknown in the past, it occurs to me that 'hysteria' is no longer a condition. It was a useful label applied to women who got above themselves.

MiceElf I have mild ADHD and it is difficult to explain how it cannot sit and settle but fidget around doing this or that and jumping up to do some minor job I have forgotten about. The only time I am still is when I am very very tired or ill.

Ones mind acts much the same, no matter how hard you try to concentrate, your mind keeps darting all over the place. The alternative is a state of hyper concentration when the house could burn down around me and I would not notice because I am so concentrated on what I am doing.

Many ADHD people do have successful careers because we develop our own coping mechanisms. DS, who has the attention deficit but not the hyperactivity is a successful academic, who has written books and won awards for his research. He hyper focuses on his work but is domestically chaotic. DDiL stands on the doorstep as he leaves for work each day saying 'Check: house keys, phone, wallet,' because of the number of times he has left without one or the other. My own work involved a lot of different activities and that meant I could move from one, physically and mentally, to another or alternatively, if I was not distracted, hyper concentrate on one topic for three or four hours without a break.

I do think ADHD is misdiagnosed and over diagnosed. Children brought up in chaotic disorganised households are going to be inappropriately active and have difficulty concentrating because that is the nature of their upbringing but ADHD is something that comes from within yourself, although outside influences will affect it. Those who have it are in a constant state of confusion about why they cannot get their minds and bodies behave like other peoples. Both DS and myself are at the mild end of the ADD/ADHD spectrum, but I assure you it does exist.

Flickety, thank you for that informative post. I assure you that I'm not saying the condition doesn't exist, just that as with many conditions, it can be aggravated and / or present itself by the circumstances the person finds themselves in. I imagine that someone with ADHD who received proper parenting and was given the strategies to cope will be very successful in a range of occupations. I also imagine that in former times or circumstances where a state of constant alertness and restless, boundless energy were needed they would have been highly valued rather than diagnosed.

My comparison with hysteria wasn't intended to trivialise. I suspect that many of us on here would have been diagnosed with it a 150 years ago out of sheer frustration at the restrictions of women's lives in the 19 C. Now that we are not confined to the home and forbidden to take part in affairs, the very real condition has disappeared.

We sat next to a mum with her little boy and the grandmum today in a pub restaurant. They spent the whole time yakking on about their "status" on Facebook while the little boy did some colouring in. "Look Nan", he said, showing her what he'd done. "Oh yeh", she said, with an obvious lack of interest. They continued talking and the little boy kept trying quietly to ask a question "I'M SPEAKING!" the nan said loudly. Yes, I thought, you haven't stopped. Then they gave him some noisy game to play on a mobile phone and he stopped colouring in, and he didn't ask any more questions.

Of course, there is such a thing as ADHD but I wonder if parenting does play a part. As that little boy gets older he'll learn that the only way to get any attention is to be really disruptive.

Doctors are worried about the over prescribing of concerta and Ritalin. For which are probably bad parenting problems.
ADHD does exist, but is almost certainly over diagnosed. Often at the insistence of parents who have a 'child in search of a diagnosis'

Any discussion about the diagnosis of ADHD in young children would be incomplete without reference to the payment of Disability Living Allowance once the diagnosis has been made.

I have worked with scores of parents whose neglect and/or abuse has been a background factor in the diagnosis of ADHD in their child/ren.

An analysis of the national Child Protection Register stats in this respect would be interesting.

Like "eloethan" I have watched mums in supermarkets and cafes on their phones ignoring their children except to shout at them from time to time. The children try hard to attract the attention of the adult and when they don't get it they become increasingly 'naughty' to force the mum to look up from her phone. I am sure in the pre mobile phone times we did actually interact with out children. i don't if this is relevant to increased diagnosis of ADHD but parents seem to have the 'attention span of a gnat' too!

So sad these mums who just will not get off their damn phones to engage with their child/child/ren. I was buying a filter for my goldfish the other day in a garden centre which has a fantastic aquarium section, little boy aged about 6 or 7, clearly fascinated by some of the beautiful fish on display. Over a period of 5 minutes was desperately trying to catch mother's attention, by "mum, mum, mum, look at these fish" she wouldn't look up, carried on talking about a friend and their night out. Could feel the little boy's palpable frustration, he only wanted a nano second and a oooh and an aaah in acknowledgement of what her child was looking at.

ADHD/DLA
We see so many on the tribunals. A lot are genuine! If a family have other 'normal' children, then have one who cannot be left unsupervised, I feel the diagnosis is probably correct. Particularly if Ritalin or similar does modify the behaviour.

I appreciate that many are genuine Galen....thank goodness we have a benefits system to support them.

My experience has been with families at the 'extreme' end of the parenting spectrum....to put it politely....whose treatment of their children is clearly a contributing factor in the behaviour of the children. The parents push for a diagnosis and immediately claim DLA.

It is a shame that all the discussion is always about those with the most extreme versions of ADHD. Many other children have it in its milder forms, including some with ADD without the hyperactivity. These children are rarely recognised as having the problem and receive no help whatsoever.

Both DS and myself had these, milder, problems, before ADHD was recognised as a problem with children in any significant way. But I doubt if we were at school now whether the problems we have would be recognised.

I used to work for a consultant Paediatrician who looked after a lot of children diagnosed with ADHD. I firmly believe that some cases (not all) are a result of poor parenting, poor diet, and the extra benefits available for looking after a child with a diagnosed disability. The main focus of a large number of the parents we dealt with was getting the forms signed for extra benefitd, not treating their child.

There are, of course, genuine cases of children, and adults, with ADHD, but I do think it has become an easy, and lucrative, option for those who can't/won't discipkine their children.

"benefits", not "benefitd" - really must learn to double check before posting!

I do believe the condition exists but having seen several of the "super nanny" type programs I can see how unstructured parenting with no sensible and firm discipline can cause extremely disruptive behaviour which could appear to be ADHD.

It seems to me there are neglectful parents who CBA to get their children to behave at all and others who seem to think that setting boundaries for good behaviour is somehow infringing the childs rights.

Note children who behave well in school and are dreadful at home.
You need to give kids lots of positive attention and praise but with firm boundaries about expected behaviour.

Totally agree Nelliemoser. I used to be a child minder & lots of times when parents came to collect their children, they were surprised to see them engrossed in something & behaving beautifully.
One in particular was amazed to see her toddler son happily looking at books & carefully turning the pages. She said at home he ripped up & destroyed everything so they'd removed everything from his reach! They hadn't actually read him stories so he didn't understand what books were for! He just needed some time & attention, as they all do.

When my DGS was about 3 my DD and I knew that ' there was something '
When he started school they said that they thought he had ADHD.
We both said, NO NO NO. We both started doing our own investigating. And after masses of reading everything on the net, we found it. It's called Sensory Processing Disorder.
To cut a long story short, it is recognised in this country, but you have to work hard to get help. It took my DD 2 years to get our council to fund the official diagnosis. I went with her to the clinic and learnt so much from them.
The strange part was, I found that I have many similarities to my DGS.
Just a couple of examples. When he was a toddler his reaction to loud noise was extreme. He would continually ask you, what's that smell when there was nothing untoward. Visually he picks up the most minute detail.
We now know that he is top of the class in maths in spite of being the youngest and is a whizz at chess.

I spent a year working on a child and adolescent mental health unit, after many years in social work child protection. I started the placement believing ADHD was over diagnosed, and that many of the children with that diagnosis had difficulties because of poor attachments due to abuse or neglect. 6 weeks into working in the clinic afternoon for (largely) boys who were disruptive at school, and over active/displaying emotional behavioural problems at home and school I was an ADHD convert. I share the frustration expressed by others with who have commented on the links between poor parenting and a desire to obtain DLA or other benefits.

I think the problem is that children brought up in chaotic and disorganised home will display similar behaviour patterns to children with ADHD. the difference is that these children if placed in an ordered environment with clear rules about behaviour etc that are applied consistently will gradually loose their ADHD symptoms. If a child has ADHD, which is a problem within the individual not just a reaction to external pressures they won't.

Regrettably, like a dog, ADHD is for life - and I still have it.

I agree Flick, I've seen so many fidgety, oppositional children make huge leaps when removed from chaotic, neglectful parenting and had their needs met by say relatives, or occasionally foster carers.
As you said, the behaviour patterns of children with ADHD and those from chaotic home lives mirror each other.
Did you get a diagnosis as a child, and if so, do you feel having a diagnosis helps? The divide between those who believe it's wrong to 'label' children, and those who believe that a diagnosis can open doors to appropriate support or treatment remains.
I suspect many adults self medicate with non prescription drugs or alcohol as a way of managing the difficulties caused by undiagnosed autism, adhd, etc.

I went through childhood labelled as a clumsy, awkward, difficult child with atrocious handwriting, no good at games or anything like needlework, who had her head permanently in a book. You get labelled if you are different to other children, whether you have a diagnosed condition or not

My ADHD and also dyspraxia were both diagnosed as an adult so nobody knows about it except me and my immediate family. I have found it has been really helpful for me to understand what causes the difficulties I have and for my family to live with my irritating habits; I an still a fidgety Phil, who can't sit still and when I am engrossed in reading I never hearing anything said to me. It has made me more at ease with myself and my limitations and helps me work around them. Because once I know the cause of a problem I can start to look for solutions.

The problem is when children, in particular, get diagnosed with conditions like this is that label is misused and the person and those around them see the diagnosis as disabling, instead of enabling. It is used to access benefits and to excuse unacceptable behaviour and works against them in coming to terms with their problems and seeing how they can use the diagnosis to improve their lives. Children like this do not need support, they need mentors to show them what they can do, not support them in what they can't

I always see my diagnoses as enabling and making life easier for me. But I must emphasise that I am at the mild end of both spectra and those at the extreme end really do have very serious problems and they and their families really do need all the help they can get.

Thanks for this Flick. It's reassuring to hear positive comments. My 20 year old grandson in autistic. He has been reading about it, and his confidence has grown as he understands more about the stuff he finds difficult.

A brilliant post, FlicketyB!
I worked as an Ed. Psych.up to the early 90s, and the condition wasn't recognised then. I think it came in with the re-classification of emotional/behavioural disorders in the early 90s.
I especially liked your phrase "the diagnosis is seen as a disabling, instead of enabling".
Giving a label, in my view, is a way of opting out from positive help. The same applies to labels like dislexia.
People with these problems need practical advice on how to live and with benefit from them, rather than having a label hung around their necks. Or given drugs. After all, we all have a learning problem of some kind.

TriciaF thank you, but children who are outside accepted norms will get labelled whether they want it or not, better labelled with the cause of the problem and get help than get negative labels like 'difficult', 'naughty' or 'disruptive' and be dismissed or ignored. My feeling is that people with Dyslexia do get help to overcome their problems. I have friends with dyslexic children and, once the problem was diagnosed, the response was to offer help to get them reading or to finds ways around their problems so that they could achieve their potential. With ADHD the attitude seems to be to cosset the child in their diagnosis.

Iam64. So much depends on the attitude of the person and, as important, those around them. If a problem is seen as a lifelong sentence of helplessness, then that is what it will be. If the person with the diagnosis comes from a background where if there is a problem you look for a solution, if it is within their capabilities, they will do that also. It is good that your GS is part of an enabling family and can understand his own predicament.