ADHD and blame

triciaF The "Maladjusted" as they were once described.

I finally got a diagnosis of dyslexia when I was 50ish and doing an OU course. Oh Joy I was not thick!
If only they had known about it years before I could have done so much better at school.

I don't think anyone should be labelled as "thick" anyway. We all have different abilities, and those who are brought up in difficult circumstances often never get the opportunity to find out what those abilities are.

I don't think any one should be labelled thick or anything else negative but it happens and will continue to happen. However I think it is very negative to say people brought up in difficult circumstances often never get the opportunity to find out what their abilities are.

In recent years we have got into the habit of pushing people down by assuming that their difficult circumstances will condemn them to a life without opportunities. In the past difficult circumstances were seen throughout society as something to be overcome. I grew up in comfortable circumstances because my grandparents on both sides starting at the very bottom of society, with poverty, ethnicity, religion and, on one side illegitimacy, to overcome, overcame them and rose up to professional recognition, comfortable circumstances and public respect. For most of the 20th century this was a not uncommon story and I suspect that many Gransnetters will have families with a similar history.

I think well-meaning people, mainly educationists, have metaphorically killed a whole generation of children with kindness by constantly bemoaning that their circumstances are so dreadful and their opportunities are so few and they find life such a struggle that they are inevitably condemned to a life of failure. Children are then inculcated with a belief in the impossibility of success throughout their childhood and grow up helpless and hopeless. No wonder these assumptions become a self -fulfilling prophecy.

Flick - I'm enjoying your comments on this thread, thanks. I identify with your middle paragraph about your family of origin. I'm sure you're correct in assuming many of us share your experiences of aspirant grandparents.

Your point about killing a generation with kindness is an interesting one. I wonder how much the tendency to make people into victims of some kind, is influencing the self fulfilling prophecy.

The facts speak for themselves - those who come from very poor backgrounds have much less chance of receiving a higher education. That's not to say that nobody living in difficult circumstances will have the opportunity to better themselves but I feel that the odds are stacked against them.

But if everybody keeps telling them they are doomed, doomed they will be. What is needed is encouragement that says, yes, life is difficult but put your mind to it and you can make things better for yourself.

If you keep telling them the odds are stacked against them the odds are they will not even try to move on and up.

Eloethan - full agreement from me. One of my children was diagnosed with dyslexia after obtaining a 2.1 degree, by which time she was 23. I'd first queried dyslexia this when she was 6 but her (very good) teacher told she was a good average, with an end of August birthday. That response continued throughout her school life, until she re-sat a couple of gcse's in order to get on to a pgtc course at a local FE college, where a proper test confirmed dyslexia. She was relieved, as despite success in education, she was convinced she was "thick" (her words) as she found some aspects so much more difficult than her siblings/friends.
Flick - the children I worked with were often excluded from school at a young age, or had little if any support outside school. I picked up a number of young people in early/mid teens who had found school and home life a nightmare, many of whom had previously undiagnosed dyslexia/dispraxia/adhd etc etc. So sad and so frustrating.

And what a difference a teacher can make. My DGS last teacher was ( I will put this politely) was coming to the end of her working life.
I don't know how many times we met with her to keep her up to speed with all we were finding out about Sensory deprivation.
She was having problems with DGS so we thought we would give her all the info we could. It was obvious that she couldn't/ wouldn't take on anything we said.
New teacher ( young) We have told her all we know. She took everything on board. When he gets too fidgety she sends him on an errand.
His reading has come on leaps and bounds.

How heartening, petra! Let's hope all new teachers are better informed about the subject and will be able to cope better than some of those more set in their ways.

Petra That is fantastic. 30 years ago we decided to move DS into the private sector at 11 because he got so little help at, what was considered. a good state primary; quote: 'He is a clever boy, he will work out how to sort out his problems' (he was 8 at the time). We chose a small school overall, but not with particularly small classes, because it had a warm supportive feel when we visited.

At the first parent's evening, after he had been there three weeks, almost every teacher commented on his ability - and his tendency to slip mentally into a profound inner world for most of the lesson - and had solutions, one, made him sit at the front and spoke to him every few minutes, another would not let him sit near a window, a third would not let him have anything on his desk, so he had to concentrate on what was being said as he couldn't write anything down. It was such a different attitude. I think they found it a challenge to keep him focussed because if they did he made interesting contributions to the lesson.

We now know he has ADD and has it still, but it was the actions of teachers at his secondary school, who forced him start to engage with what was going on around him which enabled him to achieve his ambitions rather than those at his primary school who just shrugged their shoulders and let him mentally almost completely zone out of lessons on the basis that sooner or later he would work out a solution for himself.

SO sick and tired of hearing and reading about people not believing ADHD and saying it's mis-diagnosed and over diagnosed. It certainly is not. It's really hard to get a diagnoses in the first place, and is done by experts who know the difference between a badly behaved [by parenting] child and a ADHD child.My grandson has ADHD and we all wish he hadn't and have done everything we can for him, but without concerta our lives would be far worse than they are.Yes, we use other strategies as well as the tablets, but the meds allow a bit of quiet in his mind and help concentration, poor thing. Don't be quick to judge when you are out and about and watching other people's children.

Here is a nice cheerful link /or all of us who have AD(H)D in the family.

fhttp://elitedaily.com/money/10-successful-people-adhd

My mistake:

elitedaily.com/money/10-successful-people-adhd

...and I suggest that Boris Johnson could well be another