Pre Christmas support thread - if full of seasonal joy, please start your own threads

We will indeed, when! Love to you all.

A thread like this makes you realise how strong we grans can be! A friend was just reminding me that when she was having a bad time I sent her a card which said "Women are like teabags - the longer they are in hot water the stronger they get" So many grans have so much to deal with and it is somehow always worse in a sea of enforced jollity. Hurrah for gransnet and space for these strong women to download so they can go out and face the world again.

Sadly Christmas is now a time of dread for me. I spent it alone last year (for the first time in my life) and will do so again this year much to my childrens protestations. All joy experienced in previous years has vanished for me and as much as I know only me can change the situation I just don't feel I want to if I could. I guess it's self inflicted pain and possibly wallowing in self pity but that's just how it is so not a good time at all. I'm still waiting for medication to work but I guess it needs my mind to want to be helped - I understand what I should do, just can't bring myself to do it and find any excuse to avoid people and contact. I will be looking forward to January and a return to work so fully understand all those who will not enjoy what should, after all, be a time of joy and happiness. Sadly for one reason or another not all of us can rejoice.

Sitting here this evening with a dread of Christmas that is growing with each chrismassy thing I hear. Have opened up first three Christmas cards today, how difficult it is to see just my name on it. One of the cards had me blubbing as oon as I took it from the envelope, it is a card to 'you onthe first christmas without your beloved husband'..... yes I have bought the gc their presents, have organised with my dil things she needs to borrow for the 3 days over Christmas and arranged with the children the time they will pick me up on Christmas Eve, yes I have painted the required smile on my face whilst the gc jump up and down with anticipation of meeting Father Christmas tomorrow...but they have ll gone to their respective homes and I am currently crying my heart out, wondering how on earth I am going to get through Christmas, in fact I am sure the children are also painting a smile on their faces, as they too have to face this Christmas without their Dad and grandad. I will excuse myself for a while on the day andcheck in here, just so we cn comfort each other.
oh please let it be the 28th December as quickly as possible. Love and hugs to all of you wonderful strong women, let us give each other strength.

ps, it is the thought that it is a time of joy and happiness that can make things worse, after reading all the posts on this thread I have changed my thinking - it is a time of joy for some but not for all. This may sound selfish but knowing I can say not for all makes me feel far less alone , I am deeply sorry for all who feel as we do but I am so thankful they all shared it with me

For many years, until last year, I worked over Christmas with people who were certainly not enjoying the celebrations. I worked with people who were poor, sad, alone, lonely, ill, mentally unwell, under arrest, homeless, and suffering almost any type of disadvantage you can imagine. I have done awful things which had to be done; for example I once took away two very small childen from a mother who loved them but was unable to look after them and left her in a house alone on Christmas Day. I went home to my family and wept for a system that left me no other options. And I can say absolutely that these situations felt worse to the sufferers and to me at Christmas because for weeks beforehand we are bombarded with messages telling us how wonderful this time will be.

I thank god for my family and the blessings I have had in my life. But I don't think anyone needs to apologise for feeling sad at Christmas, or should feel that they have to count their blessings. Just because someone else is worse off than you it doesn't mean you have no right to be sad and to wallow for a time if that helps. I hope all of you who are not enjoying this time of year, for whatever reason, will find some way to get through it and I wish all of us a happy and healthy New Year to come x

I once worked with a colleague who came in one Monday morning in July and when asked if she'd had a nice weekend she replied 'it was just like you think Xmas is going to be and it never is'. Since my daughter in law decided not to bring the children for Xmas Day it has become much more difficult. My single 40-ish daughter dotes on the children and finds Xmas meaningless without them. My husband often gets depressed and I am left trying to buoy them both up. We have started going away for the week, renting a cottage a trois, with no cooking, but it isn't really the answer.

Nightowl what a lovely post.
I have a very sad anniversary coming up and was hesitating to ask for support after the way this thread went earlier. I might just manage it now after your understanding words

aka please don't feel you can' t come here for support. Many of us, as you have read do care and understand especially if like me, you are the strong one in the family who keeps it all together. I have had occasions where I was the clown, keeping everyone else up but felt, who keeps the clown up as I tried to pretend everything was normal.

Aka

AKA A hug to you !!

Some very moving posts here. I have never liked Xmas even happily married with healthy children. My memories of Christmas are of a father in the pub, and over worked mother, we children waiting for Dad to come home to a dried up dinner. dreading the rows. No real presents and the house cold!
I get through Christmas. I have often done duty in a Refuge, always trying to get though it. Now I have finally reached a point and don't care, and just try to go along with others and keep a low profile.

Aka (((hugs)))

There are some awfully sad posts on here and I hope everyone who is sad knows they can rely on GN to be there and to listen.

I think it's difficult for some people to realise that not everyone has the ability to be strong when things are tough. I'm not sure I would cope with the difficulties I have had in my life so I, too, am thankful for my family, especially DH, whilst appreciating that not everyone has that same support.

Nightowl's post says it all really.

It does. Love to you all. Glad Aka because you will have the support here, you are brave.

Thank you all.

I am sure it is the consumerist hype that causes a lot of this angst.
I apologise in advance for this rant.

I keeping veering from thinking I am just getting myself organised for the season, to having a really bad day.

In trying to get my repaired arm tendons exercised I have somehow twinged the inside front of my shoulder. After feeling optimistic about my arm last week, now its hurting more than it has for the last few weeks.

I don't know if it's over doing the exercise or as my very negative thinking goes, some much worse muscle damage.

When I am going to be able to give DGS a proper cuddle or pick him up?

I am now wondering when I am going to be able to comfortably drive again and do my shopping in peace and quiet without DH's constant wittering on.

Today I had to wait until about 10:30 am before DH deigned to get up to drive us shopping, on this very busy Saturday before Christmas. He tends to wander off into other shops to browse stuff when I am trying to organise Christmas, and get round the shops ASAP.

Not to mention taking stupidly long routes to get to places because its habit or I suggested it. What part of "go first left on the roundabout " does a man not understand when he has known that the next turning (which was the second left) has actually been one way out only at the end for about 15yrs now.

On Monday we will really need to leave home at about 7:30 am to get to DDs in two hours and allow her to get some sleep after a night shift. I will be on tenterhooks then, as DH faffs around taking ages getting ready and out at the last minute.

I cannot bear this loss of independence but right now I really don't feel confident driving with my bad arm. If I need to move it suddenly it gives me a very severe twinge.

Yes I am having a big moan! I don't care that I am having a big moan I am fed up with this year.
I know others have much worse health and other problems but I am right fed up now.

I sympathise, Nellie... We, too, have had an extremely bad year health-wise, plus the boiler packed in, ditto the fridge-freezer, and only part of the cooker is working. Oh, and the washing machine broke down and cost more to repair than it would have done to replace, but OH insisted...

Roll on 2014 say I!

Sympathy from me too, Nellie. I have had a sore neck / shoulder since june and just when I think it is improving I stretch up to get a cup and have a setback. Feel like a good moan so your moan can do for both of us. DH says as we get older we take longer to heal - but six months!!! Commiserations to both of us>

Being bought up in a big family with very little money my mum has always spend carefully .if she cook food some was save for the next meal . Always she teach us we can have Christmas but save for a rain y day. And that's is in me.

Good grief this was from two years ago. I was just reading my moans about my shoulder tendon repair and wondered quite where that level of recent moaning had came from.
I was at a very low point then.
It did improve well after a lot of very painful physio "nagging" me (Bless them).
I am back in physio now having probably misused the muscles a bit gardening.

However this thread is still very wise and comforting.