Anyone else on their own for Christmas?

Are you near any of us? If you look at the ones of us that are blue, you can get an idea of where we are,

Withany breaking up, is, definitely, hard to do. I would never want to relive the months after I left my ex but you will come through it. I know of a really good counsellor (if she is still in practice) in Cardiff and someone like that can help you move along faster.
And talking of Cardiff, once you have shaken off your bad chest why not treat yourself to a day out there, doing things you like.
In reality the solicitors will have to sort it out but it will be cheaper if he agrees to something sooner rather than later.

withany did that b*****d go to the USA for 90 days? How long is he allowed to stay there legally and what will happen when his time is up? He will be thrown out I would have thought.

If possible you do not want to spend much money on solicitors fees, I agree with *JessM" but could you to sort something out with him to try to keep costs down or is he becoming too nasty?

You must spend some time thinking about what you want, financially, materially and most importantly, emotionally.

I think I read someone can stay for six months.TBH the U.S. is so big do you really think they would bother to look for a OAP? I don't think so! We wouldn't have so many illegal Mexicans walking around.You can't go up to someone and ask someone if they have a right to be here.As long as he doesn't break the law no one will care he is here.

Ohhhhh, goodness, I've just read your story, WIthany, having just posted mine - and I feel very humble and ashamed for feeling as low as I do when you are showing such courage and strength in what is a terrible, painful situation. I hope your chest infection clears soon and that your positive attitude and strength continue.
How was your granddaughter's birthday and did she Skype you? Do they live too far for you to go and stay for a while? I hope your family are giving you the love and support you need and deserve and I hope your OH slips up badly in the US and he learns his lesson somehow (but totally agree with the poster who suggested not making any drastic changes just yet). Thinking of you and wishing you well. X

English people can stay in the US of A for normally 3 months .
Any longer and they would be denied entry if they wanted to return .

Stiil hope that Withany maybe sorts things out so that he could not .
(((hug)))

Oh Nonu your right! I should of looked it up before giving my two cents worth!

(((hugs))) Sweet Cheeks .

Hello Rowantree , are you a Newbie ?

On the visa waiver programme you can stay 90 days. If you have a visa you can stay 6 months.

Yes true , but how many people get a visa unless they go on business ?
90 days is usually considered sufficient for a holiday.

My husband has a ten year visa as he has a Maltese passport and Malta only became part of the visa waiver program recently. We don't go on business but it is useful to have if you need to stay over the 90 days, even by a day or two, as they are so strict. We have two daughters living there so you never know.

Nonu, yes, kind of - only recently started posting - I became a grandparent in August so I'm fairly new to it!

rowantree .
that is good do hope you enjoy your time here !

Bella , how lovely , where do they live ?

Nonu - not really lovely as I miss them so much!. The eldest lives in NW Florida and the younger ( mother of our precious GDG) is in SW Georgia but her DH is in the US navy so they will be moving next year. Am hoping he gets posted to Italy as that is really handy for us ( we are in Malta). Trying not to get my hopes up too much! We will be visiting the girls in the US in Feb. and I am counting the days

I can imagine , that was a little insensitive on my part.
How come they are in The U.S. if I may ask ?
x

No, not at all insensitive, I was only joking. I can't really complain as we are happy for them and very grateful for Skype. It's when things go wrong that it is hardest to be three flights away! They both married American servicemen which is why they are there. They have lived in a few different states so it has been an education for us really.

I know what you mean . there was a big American airbase round here and many of the local girls married American servicemen.

Hi everyone, not a good day for me found myself in tears, as realisation dawned, DH had been emailing me from hotel, but his new lady was at the hotel too. Looks like she paid the bill as well, I think that makes him a Gigolo... and a lot more besides. Anyway he passed the test and she has taken him to her home in Virginia. He says he will be back end of February, however, HE has made a hospital appointment for 21st January, this replaces the one he had waited 18 months for on the 10th Dec. I expect the next story will be he had to come back early to sort divorce, after 45 years I never had him down for a liar, but he's very good at it. All our friends and family think he may be having a nervous breakdown, well if he is he's been having it for at least 8 months. Perhaps that is the card he plays if he feels he wants to come back to me, sorry not happening, my heart would take him back but my head says get a grip you are better off without him.
I think the tears today were also a bit of self pity, like what am I going to do, where do I want to live, and so on, I have been with him since I was 16, and have never been on my own before for so long. Anyway on a brighter note, I have applied on line for deeds to home, thought they might be useful, also started to print out the emails we have exchanged, just in case it gets really bloody.
But this is a nice bit that has happened this week.
My granddaughter, was in the school play, she said she was an angel but she had been promoted to the star that guided everyone to Jesus. She said she had to do 2 performances I in the afternoon, I in the evening and she was so tired the day after when the class went to see a pantomime quite a lot of them had a nap on the coach, I was really wasted she said she is just 5. We skyped whilst she cut her birthday cake and I spoke to her yesterday, looking at her makes the last 45 years worthwhile.
Thank you all for your comments and support to all of you great GNs

withany you are bound to have days when reality hits you and you want to cry. Let the tears flow it will release all the tension. Why is your DH giving you a blow by blow account of his days with this woman? It doesn't make sense, does it? Why is he spending such a lot of time thinking about you and mailing you? I wouldn't give him the pleasure of knowing you've read his mails and I wouldn't mail him unless it was something urgent. If he's boasting and wanting to hurt you...don't let him . Ignore him and let him fester. He doesn't need to know what plans you have. It's none of his business -HE did the leaving.
.

Withany, your tears are totally understandable. You've been together for a hell of a long time. You've invested your whole life in this relationship. Why would you NOT cry, feel stunned, hurt, devastated and betrayed? It's almost beyond belief that your OH is being so callous as to treat you in this way. I agree with Kate13 - let yourself cry, rage, whatever it takes to get through this. Start making some concrete plans - maybe an appointment with the CAB to get some legal advice; maybe a Relate counsellor (they aren't just there to save relationships but to help you cope with a break-up if that's what is best for you). You need support and lots of it. Thank goodness for your little granddaughter who is keeping you going and keeping you grounded, giving you something to smile about and remind you about what is important. Try not to allow this cruel man hurt you further. Keep everything he sends you, but go and see your GP for some referral to counselling or self-refer by contacting Relate direct.I wish you continued strength and courage - and love.X

Withany Apologies I have only just seen your post. I am so sorry to hear of your predicament. Not a nice thing to happen but rest assured you are not alone. Not that it is of any consolation to you. From what you have said our positions seem to be very similar so I guess you are feeling isolated, deserted and alone. Thankfully there are those on here who will certainly offer some comfort to you as they did me just over a year ago.
If you feel the need to talk just say so as this is a terrible time of year to feel alone, focus on your grandchildren as I will do although I will not be seeing them. I will come home from work on Christmas eve and not see or speak to anyone again until January 2nd. Not pleasant or enjoyable but something we have to get through and hopefully it can make us stronger in the long term - how I don't know how but we can hope.
If you can tell yourself that you are and deserve better than what your husband has done to you it may help and never be afraid to shed a tear, I have on too many occasions and will probably do so again over Christmas I fear. We are, after all, only human with emotions. Good luck with the weeks to come and don't be afraid to speak to anyone on here, it may just preserve your sanity.

Thank you for your support and comments, I feel stronger today, I think I am worried about my future, you know where will I live, where do I want to live,do I go home to Buckinghamshire, where I have friends and 2 cousin's or do I go to Cambridgeshire to be nearer my son. As much as I would love to be near to my DGD I don't want my son to feel trapped there because of me, I am not his responsibility. I would not know anyone there except them. It all frightens me, I keep thinking how am I going to view any property, I'm a 3 hour drive from Buckinghamshire, and 4 from my son. I drive but am waiting for a new right knee, so only really drive 30 - 40 minutes at a time until knee done. I'm sure there will be a solution it's all the waiting for husband that is driving me mad, and I am making it worse by imagining him holding her hand, and giving her a kiss, and so on. I just need to toughen up a bit, and tell myself I deserve much better. I heard this the other day and it keeps going round in my head....cry a river, build a bridge, walk over the bridge.
Anyway many thanks for everything

withany I don't think the dark days of December help nor does thinking that everyone is happy and getting ready for Christmas.(They are not - many people are sad and lonely at this time)

Try and be practical and objective about this difficult situation, which is not of your making. You are doing the right things in seeking advice. Would it help to discuss it with your children and see what they think would be the best move to make? Or is that not something you feel you could do?

A wise friend said to me, when I was going through a very difficult time some years ago that "You only get steel when it's been through the forge" and it's true. You WILL come out of this stronger.

I send you sympathy and best wishes and hope that you start to feel more positive by and by.