Anyone else on their own for Christmas?

Withany, you DO deserve much better, and I love what you quoted about the river. Also Gagagran's 'You only get steel when it's been through the forge'. Both brilliant, both comforting. Don't blame you for imagining what's going on between your husband and his floosie, but if you catch yourself doing it, try to distract yourself somehow - you'll torture yourself otherwise and he isn't worth that. You're doing all the right things on a practical level to get organised, which is very empowering. Strengthening vibes coming your way!

Thank you Rowantree and Gagagran, I'm sure I will get through this, I not sure how but I will, he may bend me but he wont break me. Have been looking at housing in both my chosen area's and there are some nice little properties out there, if only DH had sorted his mess before he went this house could be on the market, but because we own it jointly I need his signed permission to do that. Before he threw his toys out of the pram, when he realised I was not going to give him 50% he was saying get it valued put it on the market, will send you signed paperwork etc. Now of course the floosie has taken him to her home he has gone quiet, and I am reluctant to contact him, because I am only just settling down after the last tirade, about instructing solicitors to fight it out that should use up quite a bit of the house value and so on. But I am convincing myself that the right place will be out there for me when the time comes to move on, just keep keeping on.
Thank you for your kind wishes, it has helped today haven't seen a sole, after tomorrow apart from getting in some supplies I don't expect to see anyone until 6th January. My DS says he is going to come, but he has more tests for cancer to get through on Wednesday and he isn't as fit as he likes to think, but if he makes it it will be wonderful to actually give my DGD a hug and a kiss and not just Skype her.
Thanks once again, like Arnie I will be back

Go where your friends are withany. No point in going to live near your DS if you don't know anyone there other than them - what would happen to you if they moved? Perhaps your friends/cousins in Bucks could do some initial house hunting for you?

Just read your post Withany. How distressing for you! That husband of yours is a selfish, mean, inconsiderate b*****d! Your are perfectly entitled to have a good cry from time to time. Stay determined about getting shot of him and hope you will soon feel a bit better. Having a bad chest infection is very weakening. Suggest you concentrate on getting yourself better - plenty of rest and warmth. Once you are physically stronger, it should be easier to make some decisions about your future.

(Is there anyone on here lives within striking distance of Withany?)

Hugs to you. Even though they are virtual, they are sincerely meant. Keep posting. There are so many people on here with kind hearts and good advice.

Hi everyone I feel a bit like moaning minny, and I am sorry to keep banging on but you have helped more than I can say.
Had a flicker of good news, Buckinghamshire council have been in touch, my application for shared ownership is being considered and they will advise me asap.
I also found a little 2 bedroom bungalow within 30 miles of my son, which looks lovely and if mine was on the market I would have put in an offer. I am still waiting to hear from DH if he has access to a scanner to sign and return estate agent contract if required. He is purposely holding everything up, in the hopes that I will give in and agree a 50/50 split. He will wait till hell freezes over, that is something I am not going to do, why should I pay for the privilege of having my life shattered.
I am feeling stronger tonight bit wobbly earlier, I keep telling myself I can do this.
Thank you for your virtual hugs and kind words.

withany you don't need to apologise. Lots of us need a moan from time to time.

Hang on in there withany - you can do it and there are lots of people here to back you up or give you a lift when you need one

We are all with you!

(((hugs))) withany

GNs are great at giving you support - I received great support when my DH died 2 years ago. Any time you need to have a moan, pass on news or just to chat - there is always someone on here ready to listen.

I think your husband is trying to have his cake and eat it! He wants to have his fling but wants to keep you waiting in the wings as well. He really does seem like a selfish b*****d for going off when your son is going through health problems of his own.

HELP PLEASE.
Thank you everyone, I am sorry to dump my worries on you, but my DS has a further cancer test tomorrow afternoon, if it's not good they will do a liver scan and biopsie. He is very worried it could be bad news tomorrow, he has heard nothing from his dad my DH. Since 4th December
DH has gone into what I term radio silence, and it is only that a bank transaction turned up on the bank statement today, that I know he is still alive, it would seem he may be staying at girlfriends daughters home, in Harrisonburg this is supposition on my part, but last 2 bank transactions have been from there and she has a daughter and SiL that live there. Anyway I have just sent DH an email asking if I can ring him there tomorrow if it is bad news, so far he has had 9 hours to respond still nothing. I am torn do I leave him in the dark (as he seems to want no contact) or do I ring anyway?
I think he should be offering what comfort and support he can to our son, regardless of what he and I are doing. Advice please

What time would it have been over there? Is it possible he hasn't got it yet?

I'd be sorely tempted to ring the bank and ask them to stop his card...
Has he kept his inner useless bastard well hidden all these years? Does this behaviour seem wildly out of character? Or do you feel he is just showing his true colours and you've known all along that he is a waste of space?
If it is not a breach of confidentiality - what kind of cancer are they thinking it might be?

Thoughts are with you for tomorrow withany. Hope it's not the news your son expects and that you will find some comfort with these .
You've tried to contact your DS that's all you can do. I agree with JessM.Cancel his card. You'll hear from him soon enough if you do.
Hugs

Sorry. .meant DH not DS

Thank you, I did get a response DH said he had not heard from DS since the 4th and assumed he wanted nothing more to do with him.
And No I cannot contact him by phone, he will respond to email, IF THERE WAS NOTHING HE THOUGHT OFFENSIVE.
I am still convinced he is having some sort of mental episode, he has only ever done something so out of character when he bought a motorbike when he was in his 50s trying to recapture his youth, we even had to drag it here it has sat in the garage for the last 9 years not used.
That is the only explanation other than brain washing, which in a way it could be, after all he has spent the last 9 months, for up to 18 hours a day, with headphones on playing his keyboard and singing then posting his recordings on the web site and this woman and several others telling him how wonderful there songs are and how she feels he is singing them just for her and this was all day every day, I was the bad guy interrupting him. He said he had set up a SECRET Skype account with her, because he knew I wouldn't like him talking, and emailing her. It is all my fault it's my jealousy that has made him do this.
Anyway I am not going to answer DH until I have DS result, and one part of me wants to not answer at all, but the other part, feels that something so potentially dreadful, he needs to know the outcome. Whether he would do the same for me, I doubt it but I can't change the way I am made.
But it would seem his new lady is still not prepared to take him to her home and be alone with him, she met and paid for his hotel stay of 7 days and he seems to be staying where her daughter lives presumably she is still with him there. The lady lives just below Salem in Virginia population 4500 it looks a bit remote via Google earth, perhaps he is still on trial, and he is being passed around the family for their opinion before she takes him home. Time will tell.
Roll on 2014

withany NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT! It DOESN'T sound to me like he is having some sort of mental breakdown - he is just being a selfish b*****d. You have enough to worry about with your DS without worrying about him!

Don't start making excuses for him - he is an adult and must know what he is doing is wrong. He had the choice of staying at home and helping you support your son, or going off to see someone who he thinks may be more exciting, and he chose his own selfish wants over his responsibilities. You on the other hand have been reasonable throughout. By all means let him know the result of your DS tests but apart from that I would keep all contact to a minimum, and make sure the locks have been changed by the time he gets back.

I am usually quite a placid person, but this is making me very angry! Do take care of yourself.

What a plonker! Of course he knew that you would not like it - because he knew that it wasn't right. If it had been all open and above board you could have known about it and shared some messages, sent messages yourself to this silly woman, and been a part of the whole experience. The very fact that he did it all in secret betrays that he felt guilt about it, and with reason. Mid-life crisis is no excuse.

Your jealousy? Well, you would have been right, wouldn't you. He has proved that, in spades. It is the standard secret philanderer's defence, though. Pay no attention to it.

She seems to have financed his leaving (apart from the savings he took with him - I assume you have opened a new account and moved the remains of your money into it? Make sure you keep the statements that show him taking out what he did, though.) She doesn't seem to be very keen to take on full responsibility for him though. Maybe he appeared romantic and creative online, but the reality is not what she was expecting.

Stand by for her to desert him, and for him to think he can come back as though it had all never happened. Have a good think now, before the crunch comes, so that you have a decision and have your plans made. If you are taking him back, set the ground rules at once, before he settles back in. If not, take practical steps to uphold your decision, and don't be soft-soaped into accepting second-best.

Legal advice is necessary as soon as possible, so that you know the implications, legal and financial, of whatever course you will take.

Good luck.

withany your post has shocked me to the core. Bless you, you're in a tough place at the moment. May I, along with other Granspals, add my good wishes for a satisfactory outcome to your problems. Please keep posting. You will find that sharing on this forum is a great comfort.

I agree with Sunseeker about keeping contact to a minimum! Your silence is more likely to bother him than pleading emails! I have seen this kind of behaviour before where the more guilty the man feels the more he blames the innocent party. It can be easy to doubt yourself when this is dumped on you. Look, you have done nothing wrong!!! Believe it.

You must be very worried about your son's condition. I am so concerned for you at this difficult time. Hope things are not as bad as you and he are fearing.

Big hugs.

withany Please do not let this man make you feel in any way responsible for his actions. As a man myself I can tell you they are the actions of a manipulative, cheating, spineless, liar. Mid life crises, recapturing lost youth, mental episodes are all excuses for a weak spineless character. Sunseeker has summed it up perfectly. You deserve better and I sincerely hope you come out of this stronger and with your integrity intact. Sorry to sound so blunt but as others have said THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT no matter what he might try to say. Our thoughts are with you.

Great news, my 38 year old DS although still has to have liver scan has been told they are almost sure he doesn't have prostate cancer we are concentrating on the doesn't have not the almost.
Once again thank you all your comments have lifted me once again. I did email my DH but told him I didn't think our sons health was trivial, DH only responded once I had named the new lady DD and SIL and where they live. Seems like I hit a nerve, I'm good at that apparently. Anyway DH is none the wiser because I told him I didn't have the result at 5.30 when I sent email, ( I got them at 5-40 but I haven't emailed again) and that I was getting really worried DS appointment had been at 2p.m. but I wouldn't disturb his idyll again.
Thank you for your comments PS it is nice to have a mans view on all of this. Today my head says I am better off without him and my heart agrees. Am seeing solicitor early new year, application will be drafted and earliest court date asked for, papers can then be served the moment DH is back. roll on 2014, just need him back so I can see how much aggravation he is going to give me and how little help. I have got a lot of plan 'B's for clearing things from the home.
I had written this once before, pressed the wrong button and it vanished. Anyway I am so thrilled about my son and what it means to his little family couldn't be better.
My only gripe is the telly has decided to give up the ghost. T.V. repair men are like Hens teeth here, I have left a message on the only one could find, we do have a spare and I have managed to get a neighbour to come and swap them over for me tomorrow morning, so at least I will be able to view some of the delights over the Christmas period.
Anyway thank you everyone, I will get through this and with your help GNs I will stay a dam sight stronger than I would on my own. Cheers

Withany xx

You can do it withany, keep strong!

Do not let the b*****d get you down.