Are you a good mother?

That's true Dollie like all of us I tried hard to do my best. Looking back may ride too hard gave up place at teacher training as my son was in middle exams but really you can give up too much.

I don't regret devoting my life to the before my career as it was my choice and more common 30 years ago I lost my mum and m I law and had no free child sure as it were so just got on with it.

While don't regret it maybe was not wise to give everything up? Who knows.

My son totally appreciates all I did anyway!

you could be right there absent as there seems to be books for everything which all contradict each other...!

What a wonderful thing for your daughter to say to you Gagagran. You must have really felt proud of her and of yourself. I was probably rubbish because I didn't have my mother as she sadly died when I was only 3 years old. I really didn't have a clue about so many things. But I tried hard.

My DD, who is quite a reserved and private person is a brilliant Mum to my two DGC and I once said so. She rarely makes any comments about me but on this occasion she said "Well you need to have had a good Mum to be one" and although I'm not sure that is true, I took a good deal of pleasure from her saying it.

That should read. the best mother I KNEW how to be.

I was the best mother I know how to be. I thought I was good but looking back there are so many things I would now do differently.
But being young and inexperienced, with the added pressure of mortgage payments going up every month and galloping inflation I think I became very depressed at how hard the whole thing of marriage and motherhood was at that time. So all in all I think I was crap at the whole thing.

Yes, I think I am a good mum but not a perfect one. My children love me and so do my dgc, and that's good enough for me.

I do wish that I'd spent more time playing with my children, but as I had them both in less than a year, and the first one nearly died at 6 weeks, I was just too exhausted.

dollie I think motherhood comes with far too many handbooks – lots of them written by people who have never had children themselves and all of them in conflict with each other.

My 3 children love me as do my growing number of grandchildren, that's good enough for me...
I did my best mostly.....

I've never claimed to be a good mother.

I loved being a mother, especially when they were little. motherhood still brings rewards and challenges but I guess the only people who can judge what kind of mother I was/am are my children.

All we can ask is to be a 'good enough mum'. In my professional life I have seen so pretty screwed up children from supposed perfect parents, often strangely enough professionals.
My mother was the wrong mother for me but she was a good grandmother to my children who adored her. Mind you when my daughter got her PhD my mother said "shame she is a girl"!

we all started off as new mums..being a mum doesnt come with a handbook although we do pick up traits from our own mum on how we were treated as a child...we all did the best we can in bringing our children up regardless thinking were being a good or rubbish mum...yes we may wish we had done things better...hindsight is a wonderful thing...your a mum be proud..

I've always loved being a Mum and still do (plus now being a Grandmother) I'm sure there are things I could have done differently and those I got right. My three DDs are all caring, hardworking people with whom I have very good relationships and they and their SO seem to enjoy spending time with myself and DH. We do disagree sometimes but that makes things interesting, but never enough to fall out with each other. So, hopefully as far as they are concerned I was/am a good Mum.

Granny23 in glad I'm not the only one who feels she was a rubbish mother! There are many, many things I wish I had done differently. My children are lovely adults but I can't take credit for that. They also had their own problems and some of them, but not all, were my fault. The only thing I think I got right was to love them absolutely and unconditionally and I hope they continue to know that - but it doesn't stop me giving my views when I don't agree with them (another thread I think). I think I am a much better granny than I was a mother and I am still striving to make peace with the past.

Phew, that's all a bit heavy! I think the truth is I'm much happier than I was when my children were small, and that makes it easier to be a good granny. And I think I'm a better mother now as well.

MiceElf, that's what my mum used to say to me and I always thought she was vindicating her 'mothering' of me ( which I have mentioned before). On that basis, I was fantastic!

I think we all probably do our best at the time and no one can ask for more.

Good enough, I think because my children are lovely adults. But there are things that I look back on and wish I had done differently.

I certainly think that I'm a better granny than I was a mother, much more laid back, less stressed and able to see the bigger picture. But that comes with age and experience.

I think that if one's children are good parents you've probably done a good job.

I think I was a rubbish mother, lazy, disorganised and shouty, with a house like a tip. However my DDs insist that I was the best Mum ever and still am and the DGC appear to be equally besotted, although I often shout at them too - it does no good - they think it is hilarious when I 'go off on one'.

I only had the luxury of being a full time mum for a few months and then was working part time then full time whilst also helping sick relatives, being involved with various community groups and undertaking further education (night school) so it was essential that the children were as self sufficient and independent as possible. I think being capable of looking after themselves and responsible for their own 'stuff' stood them in good stead in their college & Uni days and in later life. It also meant that our family together time could be spent talking and having fun rather than me running around clearing up after them or complaining about chores not done.

I had a hyper-critical DM myself and so my parenting style (if I had such a thing) was to praise whenever possible and restrict criticism to the odd remark such as 'not your best effort but good enough, maybe try (whatever) next time'. I also have a belief that you should never let your offspring believe that your own happiness is entirely dependent on what they say or do. Even if that is true it is far too big a burden to place upon them when they should be prioritising their own and THEIR children's well being.

I have a good relationship with both daughters, they tell me they couldn't have had a better Mother so I must have done something right too. I don't interfere in their lives but we share a lot together and they both know I am always there if they need me.

I think I was a good mother; well my own mother always told me I was! I think I was perhaps a little strict, keeping a tight ship, and now, watching my own children with theirs, I wish I had maybe spent more time reading, playing and generally being more laid back, although perhaps I have forgotten doing all those things. I have really good relationships with all 3 daughters so I must have done something right?

No, they were good children.

But when they were little? You must have got cross sometimes!

Don't know jingl, I guess we are just nice people. I really have never fallen out with them

You have never had a cross word with them?!!!!!!

How have you managed that?

I still shout at my son on occasions. Quite justifiably of course.

I have never claimed to be anything but a mother. I must have got it right because I have never had a cross word with DC and they are in their 40s. They sometimes ask for my input especially on medical issues and I am entrusted with caring for their precious DC

Not a very good mother first time round - thought that this entailed good food, clean clothes, clean home, etc., etc., rather than fun and affection. Was probably suffering a bit with post-natal depression.

Seven years later, second time around, a good enough mother though by no means perfect.