Taking Children out of School for Funerals

I don't ever recall this cropping up when I or my children were at school. I guess the school has provided a guideline but would probably be open to persuasion according to circumstance. I would imagine it's a rare event anyway...

No list could cover all contingencies. Every family is likely to have a special connection – mum's godmother, for example – who wouldn't be on someone's list but has been an important part of family life. Family connections can be very complex these days when divorce and remarriage are far commoner than they were in the past.

I think it was You and Yours which was covering this holidays/absences today. One woman said her family had been fined as she had taken her children to Australia for a month over Christmas to spend time with her father who was dying with cancer. She'd asked permission and been refused. Others with equally valid reasons were also refused although the heads had said it wasn't right their hands were tied. (£60 for each parent and child seems to be the going rate.)

They could throw a sickie.

Great example to the kid ' I'll write to the school to say you were sick, but of course it is a blatant lie' (:

Most Heads will listen if you explain that someone is not actually related by was exactly like a grand-parent due to xyz circumstances. If it is a one off (I've known parents to take kids off school to go to the hairdresser's or even shopping)- they will listen. But if the child misses the funeral, there are plenty of ways, perhaps more suitable for a child, to have a private remembrance ceremony in honour of that person. My grandchildren were not able to come to the great grandma's and great grandps's funerals abroad, in termtime- and we did something special next time they came over, talked about them, looked at photos and told stories, etc.

I've only read the OP.

There is a simple way to get round the "wouldn't be allowed" business: you simply tell the school that your child will be absent because they are going to a funeral. You don't ask for permission. You inform the school of what you are going to do and then you do it.

I have never encountered any resistance or problem from the schools I've had to deal with using this approach. Why should one if what one wants to do is reasonable. Attending a friend's funeral is reasonable.

If it's not on the list Granjura there'll be a fine of £60 per head!

I agree absolutely, Bags. It's a family bereavement, whatever the relationship, and should be respected as such by the school.

If the school's hands are tied by unreasonably stringent rules that do not allow scope for the teachers' professionalism and ability to make a proper judgement in these cases from their knowledge of the child and his/her family, then parents could not be blamed for using a bit of subterfuge if needed.

I get very frustrated by this belittling and undervaluing of teachers' skills - all this testing is fine for injecting a bit of objectivity, but it does not recognise that there may be times when in the teacher's view a child needs a bit of breathing space (parent is ill maybe), or, as happened locally, a teacher died in the classroom - those children need something more important than progressing 2 levels in their maths over the following weeks.

And in my experience, teachers do know their pupils very well and they have a very good appreciation of who is struggling and who needs to be pushed a bit. Let us restore some faith in them and above all trust.

Sorry my last was to Bags. That's what comes of watching Death in Paradise at the same time!

I wonder what happens if people don't pay the fines? Do schools have any right to fine people on such unreasonable grounds (such as the visiting dying father)?

I'm glad I've only had, and still have, experience of reasonable school managements.

Well said, mishap.

Excellent post Mishaps. I am glad I am not teaching anymore- I think I would go mad with all those rules and constant testing, league tables, etc. Struuuuuf. I think I would rebel too

Mind you, thinking about it, the local council does make some unreasonable statements such as that "permission will not be given... blah blah", but in my experience, the teachers and headteachers involved have been accommodating. Presumably they've entered an "explained absence" mark on the register. That's all it takes.

When my father died, I told my Headteacher the date of the funeral, and he asked why I needed to take the whole day off. I was the one organising the funeral, putting up visiting relatives and preparing the funeral tea.
I think he seriously expected me to nip out for an hour while he supervised the work I'd set for my class.

On an entirely different although not unrelated tack, I remember a colleague who was mortified when she told a 14 year-old student off for not completing her homework "I was busy Miss" was the sulky reply.
"Oh and what was so important that you were too busy to complete your home work?"
"I was at my Dad's funeral"
My friend admitted in the staffroom afterwards that she had wished only for the ground to open up beneath her. Nobody had thought to inform staff affected or even give then a "heads up" to be a bit more patient, understanding or show any sympathy.

At the other extreme, I taught for a while at a very highly regarded school in Bedfordshire where we would regularly get a brief "Be extra kind or patient with so and so.... her dog/pony/cat has just been put down"

PS when my father died, Aka my Head didn't quibble at 2 weeks off - the first 4 days to be at his bedside (in Scotland) as he was dying and the rest of the time to arrange the funeral etc. I didn't feel I needed to take more but the school put me under no pressure to get back. Those were the days of management typified by "Give a little and you will get a lot"

When I was in the sixth form a much beloved aunt, who was also my godmother, died a prolonged and painful death from cancer. I was distraught and, at the same time, suffering from an appalling head cold. The new head noted my tearful aspect and asked what was wrong. I told her. She then telephoned my mother and asked if I was pregnant because the idea that I was that upset about mere aunt was plainly ridiculous.

Bags - they get taken to court! (You and Yours, Radio 4, yesterday).

I see. In that case, I'd throw a sickie if my child wanted to go to the funeral of a friend. That is, I would if she went to such an unreasonable school. Fortunately, she goes to a civilised school.

its not only schools that have this problem its companies to..if you arent an immediate relative to the deceased some companies refuse to let you have time off to go to a funeral..ie a cousin of my late husband was refused time off to go to his funeral!

My niece was unable to go to my Dad's (her grandfather's funeral) last summer because her company would not allow her a day off, not even taken as leave. We were appalled, as she was very close to Dad.

I worked for social services and, for all their failings as employers in terms of workload, they were hugely supportive when my mother was dying and after, allowing me as much paid compassionate leave as I needed.

I was a departmental manager and 1 of the people I was in charge of lost her first husband through cancer in her early 30's and she had taken time off for the father and mother in laws funerals from that marriage.
She got married again and about 12 years later her second mother in law died and I gave her time off for that funeral.
I was the most senior person in the office when it happened.
When my immediate manager got back he complained I was wrong to allow this time off.
A few days later the top manager came back and said I had taken the correct decision. He said this was genuine and out of the ordinary.

I must say a stop has to come somewhere with distant relatives.
When somebody did a family tree our family consists of 500+ people so there must be 6 to 7 deaths a year.

Mary

I don't believe schools have this "problem" at all. It's only a problem if school management make it one. Going back to the OP, how often does a fifteen year old want time out of school to go to the funeral of a close friend? Once in a blue moon would be my guess. No need for rules to be written in advance. The kid's year head or "guidance teacher" should be able to decide the merits of each case. I cannot imagine there are a lot of such cases.