Taking Children out of School for Funerals

It's a problem is you live abroad- in a different way. Our grand-children could not come to my parents funerals, even though they loved them dearly. They would have had to take at least 3 days off school. Did not make sense. One daughter came to my mum's funeral, the other just could not take time off work (from the Canaries- again at least 3 days needed)- and neither could come to my dad's, even though they were very very close to him. Funerals are not so important- really. We made sure we all celebrated their lives in a more positive way at a later stage. Much better for us anyhow. Go to a favourite family place one week-end, and remember all the good times.

For some families the funeral is hugely important – particularly if the wider family is usually quite dispersed and gets together rarely. It is one of those few occasions where you can and do reflect on someone's life and share the joy of knowing a person you all loved. It is also a way of reaffirming essential family connections. It is the time when you acknowledge that this is the last goodbye. I think all that is a very special thing for children to do as well as adults.

I also think that sometimes children need compassionate leave. I really don't believe it is down to a local council, school head of board of governors to decide how much time you are allowed to grieve for someone you loved – however old you are.

When a death happens, the grief is instant. Later won't do if immediate didn't happen.

When I read "funerals are not so important" I decided it was time to go to bed. What a ridiculous thing to say!

My father's funeral (burial and wake) was very important to his family and colleagues and lifelong friends. As absent mentions, it was a time for all those people to get together and celebrate his life (in the wake we held after the burial) as well as a significant marking point. Seeing his coffin being lowered into the grave was important to me. Why has humanity developed these death rituals if death and the marking of it (funerals) are not so important?

Missing a bit of school once in a while in order to attend other significant life events is not so important. In fact, I don't think it's important at all.

Which has just reminded me... DD2 (in the sixth form by then) didn't go to school the morning Minibags was born. She just FIZZED at home and then came to see her little sister in hospital in the afternoon.

The "powers that be" at school just smiled and said aaw in a really human and understanding way

Thinking of the various funerals that have taken place in the last couple of years in my family, I cannot envisage the children not being part of them, for so many different reasons. They need to know where they fit into their extended family and it is at large family events that are milestones in their lives that they come to understand this. To exclude them from part or all of a funeral for their family member, or someone significant in their lives, because of a school policy tells me that it's the school that needs educating.