Who's there for *you*...

Like mollie I find it really difficult to ask for help or to share trouble, I have always thought it was up to me. But when something horrible happened to me 15 months ago my DH was there for me every inch of the way, and I had great practical help from DS and emotional support from DD. I couldn't talk to any of my friends, but might have managed it here. Chokes me up even now. For anyone who is in trouble, try to share here if you haven't anyone, or can't talk for real

No one much! My very good friend emigrated at the end of 2012. I do not feel there is anyone much to talk to in person as I did her.

"You lot" are good though!

DH will drive me about when needed but as far as any emotional support goes he is no use at all. When I had overnight surgery last year he walked in at visiting time telling me how much trouble he had parking. Not a "how are you" in sight and thus it has always been! His alternative is "I feel a bit like that as well"

DD will listen but off loading my concerns about DHs uselessness on her doesn't seem right, that's my problem I know! She lives two hours away, works shifts and has a toddler to care for.
DS lives the wrong side of London. If it was a crisis he would come up though.

I think if I needed a lift and DH was not about to help there are a couple of people I could call on. I am not good at asking and being dependent.

No one i just get on with it...

Nelliemoser, your DH sounds just like mine!

I'm with all those who rely mainly on themselves, although my DD is brilliant in a crisis but has enough problems of her own.

Nellie, your DH also sounds like my ex. His second missus did me a favour. If I dared to say I was tired, he had to be much more tired; when I was having a week's rest in hospital, after a threatened miscarriage, he got rather restless wondering when he could get me out. And when I pulled a calf muscle very painfully, I was a 'stupid woman'.

My DH puts up with a lot from me. He deserves a medal. I'd have murdered me years ago.

But we've come through a lot over the years - traumas, illness, family deaths, DD's ill health/amputation/suicide attempts/assault etc. He supports me as best he can; I wish I was better at supporting him when he needs it, though I do try.

DDs are loving and supportive but they have their own life struggles so we don't rely on them or want to worry them.
Nellie, Icyalittle - glad you can offload on here. It's good to have somewhere to vent and know that you won't be judged. It must have been painful for you to lose such a close friend, Nellie. I lost one a few years ago - she decided she didn't want my friendship any more. That was hard when we'd always been so close and even worked together for a few years. Maybe it was too close. I'm more guarded these days. X

I am lucky enough to have the support of DH and 3 DDs. Sometimes when I have tried to keep things to myself they have been upset that I didn't share with them so that they could help. I know I can count on other family and also a number of friends. I am very lucky and I hope they feel they can depend on me too.

I have been reluctant to let the coping mask slip when with the DDs but did have a bit of a moan to DD1 the other week. I have some good friends who are great for an "off load" but I supose when the chips are down it does devolve on to the family. DH has manifold health issues and becasue he has been the centr of attention for so many years, I doubt how much use he would be - he would want to help, but I would not be able to put things on to him. I suppose like ffinocchio (sp?) I still think it's down to me with the wonderful support of my cyberfriends. Haven't quite hit the depths yet - but you'll know when I do!

I've lost my hubby, eldest daughter and best friend in the last 3 years. My only brother died in 2000 and my dear dad is 90 and getting quite frail. My other darling daughter is a star but has her own family and problems. I don't feel there's anyone left who's really there for me.

Dragonfly, I hope you feel you can unload on us. There's always someone who can share your problems.

anno thank you.

Dragonfly1 I second anno's comment and if I may say I was left in a strange and alien (to me) part of the country, not knowing anyone, deserted and alone. I found (by chance) this forum and it has pulled me through 15 months and counting. OK I still don't know anyone or anywhere as I am quite a private person but still here and kicking - sadly being kicked too but coping after a fashion. Please do not hesitate to talk if ever you reach anywhere near the depths I did. There are many on here who will share any problems.
Take good care.

In fact ps you may not realise it but you sound distinctly more upbeat than when you first posted. I remember clearly how harrowing your first post was.

PS thank you. I understand from other threads that you've had some struggles. It's good to know how GN helps so many people. It's beginning to feel a bit like home to me.

My kids, but I try not to ask too often for help, don`t want to overdo it.

Dragonfly, you've had a huge amount to deal with, that's clear. Thank goodness for Gransnet. We can support each other. Gransnet is a revelation to me.

Me. Because no one else can really do it for you. DH is helpful sometimes. I don't feel it's fair to burden the kids, however tempting that can be.

In the end you have to sort it out for yourself, using the all important commonsense.

Agree, Jingle, especially about not burdening the kids, but it would be nice sometimes to have someone to have a bit of a lean on, even though I reckon I'm a reasonably strong lass with a fair bit of the old common sense. Johnny Depp would do.

Rowantree

Yes. Losing your DH and your daughter is unimaginely sad. I am so sorry.

I have never been in that position, thank God. I agree with jingl and would probably rely on myself to sort it.

I feel incredibly lucky as DH is always there for all of us!

After him my three daughters would cover the spectrum of support eg, angry, sympathetic, practical etc. My sons wouldn't be so much use . My younger brother would be quite good and I have a couple of close friends and a lovely sister-in-law!

But, I do tend to keep things to myself, at least initially, so would probably say myself.

I ring a friend to talk.

But ultimately, It's just me, as carer for my husband with multiple health problems. Our two grown sons think we are OK.

If I ended up ill myself, I'm sure our sons and our friends would turn up. But when I'm screaming inside, that's where it stays - inside.

I have a good family and great friends but I find it difficult to take my problems to anyone else. It is a bit like talking about money, at work I could strike an excellent deal or ask for a rise for someone deserving; for charity I can push and push but I was never able to ask for a rise for myself!

I think the fault must be my own, I seem to always put others first and listen to their troubles. Yesterday during a conversation with DS talking about doing something for someone else DS didn't want me to because it might affect my health. That hadn't occurred too me.

DH is great but sometimes needs to be told rather than noticing. DSs are each great in their own different ways and friends are kind but if I don't tell them there is a problem how can they help?

I am the strong one in the family who copes when others hit a wall. the problem with that is everybody tends to overreact if I am the one who fails, so I keep stumm.

But the backstop is I do know they will rally round, just be in a state of shock for a while when it happens.