If you feel bullied

kitty have PMd you.

New posters are generally welcomed on the forum. Some people, however, seem to join for just long enough to alienate other posters (both old ones and other new ones) then vanish into the undergrowth again. By the time it becomes obvious that they are not tentative newbies to be welcomed but bad-tempered viragos hell-bent on planting incendiary devices in the threads several other posters have left in tears.

That, by the wa,y is definitely NOT to be taken as criticism of anyone in particular, It is a general statement about past events.

Then there are a few long-standing differences of attitude between some posters, which lead to exchanges that confuse newcomers who don't know the history and may take one side or the other and get caught in the crossfire.

All in all, as with any community, I'd say that any individual's impression of it is likely to vary from one day to the next, and one bad experience should not put them off the whole caboodle.

Nor should disagreements be carried onto another thread. I can find myself disagreeing quite strongly with one person's opinion on one thread and being in total sympathy with that person on another.

What is wrong is for a poster to decide they don't like another poster and make a point of following them round the forum being unpleasant or snidy just to get another dig in.

Exactly, Aka. We are all three-dimensional personalities, and someone we disagree with on one subject could have exectly the same view as us on another.

This is so true- I always try to see a debate, a question, from afresh, each time, and not following traditional political lines of left or right- but some people seem to be stuck in those black and white tram lines.

As said before, it is also very difficult to assess that someone has read what you said as sarcastic and therefore insulting- when it was nothing of the sort- and read as a personal attack on a family member or friend- when it was a genuine compliment- leaving you unable to fathom what it is all about- and bullying being then directed at you.

The PM function has a real role to play on any Forum- but sadly I've experienced too many times how some members use it to sway and ask for support- in a very distasteful way- and I am sure it was used later against me too- I could almost guess what was being said.

Well, that's my weekend sorted. My curiosity is so well and truly roused that I'm off to trawl through long-dead, historical threads, looking for bad-tempered viragos and incendiary devices. Never thought Gransnet would be so contentious.

I agree with Elegran if you sit back and watch you can see it happening.
Because I have a cold my nose is running and my eyes are watering so I misread viragos, I thought it said Virgos,

granjura

Aka agree completely with your post.

I think the PMs (private messages) should be just that. PM's work well for apologies and clarifications for misunderstands etc, to an individual or for imparting information where confidentiality is important for both parties.

Certainly they are not for carrying on debates that are already public.
To continue an "argument" by PM could seem far more like bullying than would happen if remarks are in the public domain.

Keeping discussions and disagreements public might just lessen the likelihood of abusive comments. Hopefully, most posters have some concept of reasonable behaviour and would not like to be known as abusive bullies.
Apart from those very few who are from the start out to troll.

IMO They certainly should never be used for continuing an argument or a dispute.

kittylester - I also have no idea what's going on here. I have told so many people what a kind and caring environment you find on Gransnet. Then I went away for a few days and what seems like World War Three broke out! Apparently it was something to do with a petition.

My tramlines are not black and white. They are red and blue, and there's no way I would ever agree with rightwing views. Just in case there was ever any doubt.

If someone tries that with me, Nellie, I block them. If anyone doesn't know how to do that, just click on the little red hand.

Nor should PMs be used to 'send for 3/6 pence, we're going to a dance'

I'll keep an eye out for Virgos too, newist.

Rockgran It is still a wonderful caring place, nothing has changed. But every so often the subject comes up of how to deal with a reply which seems (to the person being replied to, anyway) to be uncaring or aggressive. It may have been posted in the heat of the moment, it may mean something quite different to how it appears, it may in a very few cases have been said deliberately to cause a fight. Other people may see hostility in the reply and join in the argument.

I don't believe that this thread was triggered by someone posting to ask us to sign a petition, on every thread he/she could get onto. In fact, I don't know exactly what ^ did^ trigger it (don't bother enlightening me, it is water under the bridge by now)

As long as the discussion does not descend into people making personal accusations, or going into major rants, I'd say it is a useful thing to have out on the open, and not simmering away underground.

Is that what the red hand means?
I thought it was just people being friendly! I've only ever had nice PMs anyway.

If you hover over it, it says "Block XXXX in future"

Would the person being blocked know they're blocked?

Thanks Elegran - I guess I'll just sit this one out and hope things get back to normal.

I think it's run its course now. It's not necessarily a 'bad' thing for people to to air their concerns now and again, in a civilised way, if possible.

aka I don't know. I have never tried it as never needed to. Maybe their post is reurned to them, maybe it just vanishes into the mist. Someone who has done it may have the answer to that.

Why do people write on the forums that they have PM's someone? I've wondered this for a long time as surely the one who has been PM'd knows. Please someone enlighten me.

By PM if you like!