Do you always say exactly what you think?

No; I'm mortified if I feel I've said something that has hurt or embarrassed someone. I can't even watch tv programmes where people are put on the spot or are in embarrassing situations, even if they're meant to be funny [Alan Partridge/ The Office etc].Think it stems from being painfully shy as a child; I spent most of those years blushing . I'm sure there are times when it's best to answer something truthfully but it's better to err on the side of caution.

You just should have said "no, I can't" and don't bother explaining why.

I haven't read everyone's replies so forgive me if I'm repeating something that's already been said. It's a shame when people feel free to be rude. Good manners and consideration oil the wheels of society but if someone begins to be rude, hurtful or foul mouthed regularly and it's therefore out of character, it can be an early sign of dementia. It happened to my mother. She began using swear words and making personal remarks long before any other symptoms showed up. We didn't understand that at the time.

Was anyone else taught to use the "3 sieves"- (Is it true ? Is it kind? Is it necessary? )- before speaking? I often wish this applied to internet forums too, though it would definitely mean fewer posts on Facebook !

Kitty, what an ignorant person she sounds! You may have disabilities which prevent you doing your own housework; you may have so many other commitments that you can't do it. And has she ever stopped to think that the person who does your housework might need the money you pay her. My father was a pharmacist and optician, my mum ran the shop and they worked 365 days a year; even on bank holidays and Sundays they had to work for an hour for urgent prescriptions, and even in the lunch hour they had to keep the shop open (closed the door so the bell would warn them of customers). Admittedly they were not particularly domesticated (that's my excuse . . . never shown how to do housework!), but they had no time to clean or do other housework, so they had a daily "treasure", who did an amazing job and really appreciated the money. So don't feel guilty!

I think it was most rude , cheeky b**

DS1, a devoted socialist, has recently moved to Viet Nam. He was told that he would have a servant to clean his apartment. He was horrified - until I gently pointed out that perhaps this servant needed the money, would lose face if "his/her" family didn't need them and that he would probalby be keeping that family in food/clothing/education. He changed his mind!

So your excuse Kitty is that your friend needs the money and it is helping you...

I have also noticed, and been told, that some "older" people give themselves permission to be as candid as they wish just because they can! Their age, according to them, gives them permission. I am horrified as a dedicated FIM person [Foot In Mouth - always unintentional] that people are rude on purpose.

I knew someone who prided herself on her forthrightness. I never had the courage to point out that it she was often very rude, and gave unsolicited opinions, almost always negative ones. Sorry for your nasty experience, Kitty, it was rude and none of her business.

No, I don't always say what I think! Fortunately!

Kitty if that person was truly your friend she would know why you pay someone to do your cleaning, she sounds more like a 'habit' than a friend to me!
And in this instance I think a "Miaow" would have been appropriate!

On the whole I think the thrice sieved rule is really good but on occasions it might take too long.

No I dont'- with such a varied family and friends, from all walks of life and backgrounds- it would be a recipe for unpleasantless- just not worth it. I live in a rural area where many people have very tradtional outlook on life- so I do a lot of nodding and smiling.

Kitty, no cleaner here, although my neighbour and great friend helpsme regularly with big jobs, like windows and some decorating- working together is so much fun, music and a good chinwag.

She has just given up one of her cleaning jobs, and it will coincide with my knee op- so will start doing 1 morning a week - good timing.

My last cleaner in the UK was a wonderful French lady- we became the best of friends and still are, even though I've moved abroad. She will visit with several friends this Summer.

No, it is socially inept.
I take the kind option, or go by 'if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all'.

kitty - that was just rude. I'd have been offended.

I'm one of those people who can't stand a scene or falling out with people or hurting anyone, consequently everyone gets their own way but me. I really should speak my mind more often.

She is obviously jealous of you being able to afford a cleaner, whereas she probably can't. I would love one, housework is not my favourite hobby. As for speaking my mind to someone. No, I wouldn't be hurtful or tactless.

I am perfectly capable of doing my own cleaning, but once a fortnight I pay someone else to do it, because I can, and that's what I choose to do. Does this person cut their own hair? Probably not, but she could ......
You say you hardly know this person, I wouldn't bother getting to know her better if that's the sort of comment she comes out with.