Time to toughen up?

I can think of several 'friends' who have treated me badly. I operate a '3 strikes & you're out' policy these days. Not once when I've stopped contacting one of these 'friends' have they been in touch themselves to ask why. I'd rather have a few good friends than lots of users in my life.

I agree with others that you are obviously one of life's good Samaritans Sunseeker, and, goodness knows, we still need you about BUT again as others have said you mustn't have "doormat" on your forehead (which only certain people can read).
You need to develop discernment and wisdom as well as your kindness too. I should let this person know that you put yourself out to travel to her and the least she could have done was let you know and next time don't be so hasty to jump in and just give things some thought-it's amazing how things get sorted.

That's really not nice sunseeker, not nice at all. I would be giving a very large berth from now on....

sunseeker I used to be treated like this but now put myself first and my plans and unless someone is phoning from a hospital bed, then an arrangement can be made for another day. I have had to toughen up, I was a walk over. One "friend" used to call on a Sunday for me to take him to work in the car and ever since he moved house, I've never seen him! Taker! My ED's friends would want a party at our house at the drop of a hat and I always gave in regardless of what I wanted to be doing.

No, not like that now. My DS doesn't get away with the same as my plans come first and if I want the house to ourselves then he is not allowed friends back, just for that night or whatever. I'm getting a new car soon and apart from me and my own family using it, then I am not a taxi for anyone else from now on. Saying no is the best thing to do, probably not all the time but enough so that people know that you are not a walk over and will do whatever they ask. Put yourself first from now on. You are worth it.

Some people live in their own little self important world and do not even realise they are selfish and would probably be amazed if you told them so.

I'm a doormat too

This woman is one of the world's blamers! It is never their fault, always someone else is to blame. They are people who cannot take responsibility for their own actions. Immature and self absorbed! You were perfectly correct in your response to her and not to blame in the least. She needed that feedback. Perhaps she will learn from it and not treat others that way, though I doubt it.

Ex SIL is a perfect example of this. Makes DD miserable with his constant 'it's your fault not mine' texts.

Recognise this woman for what she is.....and refuse to play her game. Remember the aeroplane safety analogy. Put on your own oxygen mask before you help others with theirs!

I wouldn't change if I were you. No need. Not enough nice people in the world. I agree with the fuming bit. I would be tempted to tell your friend though :-)

I said "No" for the first time recently to a close family member who wanted me to drop everything to drive 200 miles to slave after her & kids. She was evidently amazed as I've always done it in the past. Now I'm an arthritic 72 year- old I just don't have the stamina I could once call on. What a relief not to have to wear myself out with housework & cooking. I still felt mean, though, as my mother was disabled and couldn't do it for me.

TBH, a friend in need can be a pain in the neck but decency compels us to help them. Good friends would return the ,favour,. So I just put on a happy face and do my best.

sunseeker It is a sad thing when the realisation hits that those you thought were your 'friends' are not and are merely using you. It often takes a reaction from someone outside the situation to make you think about the dynamics which are going on. It can be life changing when you start saying 'no' or even 'not yet' and always for the better!
There are nicer people out there for you to be friends with.

I have a lovely friend who has spent the afternoon with me so DH could have some time off. She came with an enormous cottage pie and a tin of home baked biscuits, she comes every week and brings a meal every time, a true friend.