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By request, The Annual Christmas Ritual of Cursing the Gammon!

(63 Posts)
phoenix Fri 23-Dec-16 10:02:00

Start by getting out all of your biggest pans and finding that none of them is quite the right size/shape for the meat. Apply your first curse. Then you set it to boil on your newly cleaned hob, and wait for the spitting and splashing to begin. You can now curse again, even if you haven't rolled a 6.

You then realise that you forgot to make a note of the weight for timing purposes. Rummage in the bin for the wrapper and miss two goes. Now experiment with different positions for the lid in an attempt to minimise the splashing. Have another curse when you realise that none of the positions works. Say to anyone within earshot that it's the same every year, and why on earth didn't they remind you of that when you bought it. (Deflecting blame earns you an extra 10 points and a small sherry).

Realise that you forgot to set the timer, and try to estimate how long it has been boiling so far. Don't worry too much about accuracy; you are bound to be wrong. Apply an extra 30 minutes to be on the safe side, miss one go and have a sherry. After an appropriate length of time, drain and leave to cool. Award extra points if all of the water goes down the sink, but miss 2 sherries if any goes either on the draining board or your feet.

Cover with something to protect from cats (extra points available if a colander will actually fit over it, but deductions if you have to deploy either a tea towel or tin foil).

Apply final curse and enjoy.

Greyduster Fri 23-Dec-16 14:17:50

Well here's a curse for thinking I could get the smaller of the two hams into my large slow cooker!! B**@@!!! **s! Oven then! Onward and upward....

ninathenana Fri 23-Dec-16 14:58:18

merlot How dumb am I. I always make stew with turkey carcas and any thing to hand. I've never kept stock from ham for this.
Would it keep in the fridge for few days ?

Jalima Fri 23-Dec-16 15:10:44

DH says that it was the smallest the butcher had in the shop tchhmm

have tried the coca cola, the treacle, the ham and mustard studded with cloves, simmering, part simmering/baking or just baking in foil over the years. Got told off one year by MIL for putting an onion, a carrot, bay leaves and peppercorns in the simmering water.

It won't fit in the slow cooker (even though he says it was the smallest in the shop!!)

ooh, apple juice, I could try that this year

Meanwhile it's still in the fridge and I'm going out.

grannylyn65 Fri 23-Dec-16 18:47:21

?

watermeadow Fri 23-Dec-16 19:25:33

I wanted gammon from a local farm but they were all small. I've only got 2 adults and 2 small children to eat it (several vegetarians) so decided to just get the 2kg one. It looks pathetic. Should I get another tomorrow?

DaphneBroon Fri 23-Dec-16 19:53:21

Ham stock will be lovely for lentil or split pea soup in January AND feel suitably frugal!

DaphneBroon Fri 23-Dec-16 19:54:42

I have to admit to buying a ready cooked and glazed one from that nice Mr Waitrose in an attack of panic and self-doubt. blush

Crafting Fri 23-Dec-16 21:55:19

Oh daphne, how could you tchshock. Now you have to go without the trauma excitement of cooking it. You will miss out on the cursing and the washing up the thrill of home cooking and the complaints praise from the family. Really how lazy!
#boughtminefromwaitrosetoo tchgrin

downtoearth Fri 23-Dec-16 22:03:28

Another Slo cooker here just removed from freezer to cook tomorrow.....

Deedaa Fri 23-Dec-16 22:44:00

Well the gammon fitted the pan nicely and the lid fitted too. Left it to simmer while I wrapped the last presents and it was quite a long time before I noticed the timer had stopped! Still it didn't seem over done and nobody will notice tomorrow will they?

Shazmo24 Sat 24-Dec-16 09:10:38

Always do mine in slow cooker (with cola or ginger beer) & finish off in oven with a glaze of honey mustard & brown sugar...very easy & no cursing

Blinko Sat 24-Dec-16 09:16:19

Ha ha, great post, Phoenix. We're going out for lunch with friends on Christmas Day and again on Boxing Day. Yippee! tchgrin

Blinko Sat 24-Dec-16 09:17:41

The slow cooker method sounds good to me. Must try it. Gammon is good anytime, isn't it?

grumppa Sat 24-Dec-16 09:25:34

I blame Emma Thompson in Saving Mr. Banks yesterday evening. I was so absorbed I didn't hear the pinger I had set with twenty minutes to go. Never mind, it was only one hour overcooked. It will fall apart nicely.

moxeyns Sat 24-Dec-16 09:36:25

Mine is boiled (in Coke, as per Nigella), glazed with quince paste, cooled, and in the fridge smile Tastes fab, we stole some.
Now I need to clean the roasting tin... curses...

Misskitkatcupcake Sat 24-Dec-16 09:42:16

It's my first year doing gammon, I was going to boil it but now I'm thinking my slow cooker and finishing off on the oven? How long is long enough for the slow cooker?

I was thinking cooking it in pear cider, bay leaves, cloves and an orange, then roast in honey, mustard and orange juice.

MinniesMum Sat 24-Dec-16 09:58:11

Merlotgran
Don't throw it away. When it is cold it should be jellylike. I spoon mine into polybags, seal very tightly and it is amazing how you can fit the bags into corners in the freezers as they are still pliable. Think of all that pea and ham soup you will enjoy when the bad weather sets in!

oldgaijin Sat 24-Dec-16 10:20:10

Don't pour the cooking water down the sink...makes fab soup for Boxing Day.

phoenix Sat 24-Dec-16 10:21:53

The only problem you will have if it is overcooked is that it will be practically impossible to carve!

Nannanoo Sat 24-Dec-16 10:41:08

I always do mine in the slow cooker - I don't worry about timing it. I like doing the glazing bit, tho' that's the real fun! One year I made an emergency glaze with a mixture of apricot jam and Worcester sauce. It was so good that I always use that now instead of the honey and mustard. I put that on the sausages!

Rosina Sat 24-Dec-16 13:13:56

I put my brussells on to boil last night; they should be just the right consistency by tomorrow.

Happy and peaceful Christmas to all. xx

Jalima Sat 24-Dec-16 13:27:10

Mine is still in the fridge being ignored.

I may put it in the slow cooker in a bit - how long?

newnanny Sat 24-Dec-16 13:39:13

I always do a turkey and a gammon. I am so grateful to do the gammon because it cooks on the hob and so does not take up any valuable room in the oven. I do get a bit miffed when the DS's seem to enjoy it more than the turkey which takes so much more faffing about; with sausage meat and stuffing and baconing it up as well. So I don't curse the gammon!

Gaggi3 Sat 24-Dec-16 14:13:34

I am reminded of the story of the woman who always cut a slice of the ham before cooking, thinking it was essential to flavour etc. Her mother had always done so. Her D and DGD did likewise, until it transpired that originator had cut the bit off because it was too big for the pan.tchgrin Merry, merry to all.

marionk Sat 24-Dec-16 15:27:56

Already started eating ours!