OH confusion!!

Oh SueDonim...no nocturnal walkabouts..well not yet...

My mistake, Sue1169, sorry! I thought you meant he was getting up and wandering round the lake in the early mornings.

No nocturnal walkabouts!! Not yet anyway....difficult to record as the 'episodes' dont have a pattern....

Hi if your husband goes out even for a short time could you call the doctors, get an appointment for him explaining to staff there what is happening and that you are going to tell your husband that surgery called and he has an appt for an annual check up, just say its always done at his age, really hope he will go to the docs x

Oh jacksmum....he wont go to apps for routine blood tests m.o.t. type apps..etc. this is all harder as i dont actually love him..care re his welfare...DONT want to discuss it.REALLY dont!!! But. Suffice to say.as i mentioned he always worked overseas and 9yrs ago i received a letter from a nigerian woman....sent me into actual shock..resulting in me developing dystonia in my neck...which now have under control..a broken heartvwhich isnt.anyway subject closed!!!! And have middle son in 'meltdown' right now and sisters hubbie with terminal 'C' so straw breaking camels back appropriate right now.....want to scream....cant. But want to!!!

sue scream here as much as you want - you need somewhere safe to do it XX

Thank you Swanny..I do feel safe here....cheeks red from crying.....anyway..nitegodbless gransnetters✨✨

If this has happened on five isolated occasions it may be transient ischaemic attacks especially if between attacks he is functioning normally. If dementia comes on in a steplike deterioration this is a sign of multi infarct dementia. Your hubby could do with an examination and blood tests to start with. Sorry life is so difficult for you.xx

sue you sound at the end of your tether yourself. You have an awful lot on your plate. Does he share your stress? Is he aware of what you are coping with?
You need to talk this through calmly with someone who knows you both and whom you trust.
It is easy for adult DCs to say we "have to do something" (easier said than done) but an appointment with your own doctor could be the first step. Other than that, log what is going on so that you have some evidence. I imagine your doctor could call him in for some sort of health MOT and perhaps compare DH's version with what you have logged.
In the meantime, you need some rest so try to look after yourself too instead of allowing this to wear you down
If he has had more than one TIA he NEEDS to see a doctor by the way.

Sue1169,, oh so sorry you are having to deal with so many other issues aswell as how your hubby is behaving, sending you BIG HUGS, life is horrible isnt it when we recieve a bolt out of the blue like the letter you got, i can sympathize with you on that one, having something similar happen to me i know what it feels like to have my world rocked and turned upside down , and then having thoughts in my head that i never thought i would have towards him !!! , always here for a natter if you want xx

Had this problem with Mum. We had to resort to tricking her into seeing the doctor while she was at the surgery to see the nurse for another problem. We phoned the doctor first to voice our concerns and he was great. Once that first step was made, the diagnosis, care plan and medication followed quickly.

Sue1169. I am in exactly the same situation as you. My husband of 43 years has never been the easiest of people but 18 months ago we were involved in a bad RTA which resulted in him suffering a severe head injury. He is now really difficult to live with. He sleeps most of the time. Will only wash about once a week (after me nagging), gets very nasty and unpleasant and his memory is terrible. Like other Gransnetters have suggested i am keeping a diary which I am going to present to our GP. When husband sees our doctor he says he's fine and I'm making it all up! Hence the clinical neuropsychologist he was seeing discharged him as husband dared me to say anything negative in case they stopped him from driving. Keep a diary, video him if you can. I wish you all the best x

Oh Sue. My heart goes out to you. I can't give you any advice other than what's already been said but I couldn't just "read and run". This all sounds so familiar- my mum never admitted that there was anything wrong, even at the end. My thoughts are with you - no one should have to go through this. Take care xx

Sue, I feel for you. This does sound like dementia but you do need a diagnosis as some treatment may be available but if it is dementia then there isn't a lot available and I am afraid the outlook can be difficult. You have had some excellent advice from others especially the Alzheimer's forum. Not all GPs have the same attitude about waiting until it is too late so try again to get an appointment . As I have been through this with my Mother can I add two things. Firstly look up Compassionate Communication. Your husband isn't doing this to be awkward he can't help it so never argue with him about facts just agree and divert the conversation. He will be happier and so will you. When he asks the same question over and over again don't snap at him and get the family to do the same. Plan ahead for him getting lost make sure he always has his name address and your contact details on him if necessary sewn into his clothes. Make sure the house is locked at night so he can't get out. Your physical safety is also a priority if he becomes aggressive you must take action and contact the police. This will trigger a cascade of actions which will include medical and social services intervention. Now finances, while you still can and before you get a diagnosis see if there is anyway you can get Power of Attorney for both medical and money (see the Court of Protection website). If he is the one that pays bills make sure they come out of a joint account , set up direct debits or you could be in a situation where the bank / pension provider won't let you act for him but he isn't capable of doing it himself. Catch 22. Start planning ahead two or three years where he might need an assessment for a care package or to be admitted to a home find out the finance rules and what is available in your locality. Age UK give good advice.

I'm sorry I haven't read through the entire thread sue. Has anyone suggested a home visit from the GP? If your husband refuses to attend the surgery. Could you speak to the Doctor and tell him your concerns. Your husband does sound as if he's having TIA's or mini strokes. Each time he has one of these episodes, does it take a little longer for him to return to normal? This is how my Dad started with vascular dementia, and he denied, for a long time, that there was anything wrong! It wasn't until he went to have his INR levels checked that other tests were done at my sister's request, that he finally admitted that he'd started forgetting, and doing odd things.

Yes the episode last week took a longer time to get over...his face looked strange and sort of frightened for hours!!....

I was a member of the Talking Point forum mentioned above for a couple of years after mum was diagnosed. It's a wealth of support and information.
The consensus on there is to ask the GP to call him in for a health MOT. In the mean time keep a diary of events and yes if possible sound record or film him.
It will depend what type of dementia he has (if any) whether drugs can help. UTI's can cause similar confusion.

Just had another thought a friend of ours who has a diagnosis of epilepsy has similar episodes. He dosen't fit as you would expect just has periods where he can't remember and or isn't aware of his surroundings. These can last minutes or hours when he's "away with the faries" ( his expression)

Anyone can make an appointment to speak to a GP about another person, who is the GP's patient. The GP is limited in what reply they can make, of course.
I know that home visits are very rare nowadays but if you can make it clear how he is behaving and how it is affecting you, something may be arranged.

When you say the house was in a state because OH was in alone, do you mean the sort of state that would show he is not thinking clearly? If so, take pictures of it, as evidence, next time that happens.

So sorry I can't be more helpful.

Have made appointment..with the only decent doctor at our practise...BUT because he is so popular have to wait until Feb 10th!!!! So meanwhile.as a lot of you suggested I shall keep a diary....

That's good, sue1169. I hope you can make a little bit of progress to finding out what's wrong.

It's possibile that there is a medical cause that can be dealt with.

Best wishes

Although this does sound like the start of AZ or dementia it could also be a form of epilepsy. We have a friend who started to behave like this and would 'lose' a whole day at times - even important occasions like another friend's daughter's wedding he had completely forgotten about. He didn't have the classic epileptic fit but would suddenly go a bit vacant and forget where he was. Both my parents had dementia so that was our first thought too so we were relieved when he was diagnosed. Definitely your husband needs to see the doctor so good that you've made the appointment.

Have you considered that it could be Global Amnesia where someone goes into a kind of automatic pilot, doing things perfectly normally (even driving) while not knowing where they are or having any memory of it afterwards.

Well an update...yesterday..H had the worst and longest episode of confusion/blankness...also previous night (Sat) was quite aggresive..anyway he has now agreed to see the doctor..it frightened him and has left me ..still..a little teary!!....

Hope the appointment will get you both some help and support, sue, is it soon? If not I think you need to tell the surgery it's an urgent matter. Let us know how you both get on.