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What would be your "Alternative Facts"?

(51 Posts)
trisher Mon 23-Jan-17 10:11:29

As the White House announce the figures for the inauguration as 'alternative facts' I thought I should be allowed a few of my own.
My first are-
I'm 45 years old
I'm a size 14
I'm a succesful artist and painter

Any one else got some?

whitewave Mon 23-Jan-17 10:19:28

I'm a tad younger at 42,
I spend my life travelling
I am known for my style and elegance
I am a size 12

Maggiemaybe Mon 23-Jan-17 10:25:01

Size 10 here!
Perfect skin.
IQ of 160.
I've written ten bestsellers, my latest is shortlisted for the Man Booker.
I am known for my honesty and integrity. grin

Oldgreymare Mon 23-Jan-17 10:42:44

Long legs, long hair.
Young and energetic.
Beauty and brains.
(Sounds like an ad in 'Soulmates')

MawBroon Mon 23-Jan-17 10:54:41

The tree/lamppost moved towards my car and dented the rear bumper.
Oh that old thing? I've had it for ages
There are no calories in food eaten standing up or when on holiday or travelling.
I am sure the cheque is in the post.
I love the vase/dish/ "thing" your mother gave us, but sadly it seems to have got chipped.

annodomini Mon 23-Jan-17 11:01:43

Something must have got spilt. I washed that floor only yesterday.

Teetime Mon 23-Jan-17 11:53:34

I live in Knightsbridge with a holiday home in Cornwall.

You can see through the gap in my thighs when I stand with my legs together.

I am a retired opera singer with a dozen lovers.

Jalima Mon 23-Jan-17 11:57:41

It just came apart in my hands
I can still fit into my wedding dress
I'm 49 - and holding (some of you are so young you must be telling porkies!)
I am up at 6.00am daily and have finished the housework by 8

Maggiemaybe Mon 23-Jan-17 12:41:38

Oldgreymare, how could I forget my long hair? shock
It's lustrous, thick and...erm....a rich, vibrant chestnut. I'm tossing it from side to side as I write.

I feel a bit dizzy.

grumppa Mon 23-Jan-17 12:46:16

I had a distinguished international rugby career for Wales.

I made a fortune on the stock exchange.

My other car is a Lamborghini Aventador.

I was the mystery British lover of Francoise Hardy.

ninathenana Mon 23-Jan-17 12:49:50

I'm a size 10
I have thick wavey hair
I can eat what I like and not put on an ounce.
I live in a beautiful art deco style cliff top house.
I have a pilots license
I'm a very talented artist
I'm a famous singer

Christinefrance Mon 23-Jan-17 13:03:21

I am a size 12

I can whip up a cordon bleu meal at a moments notice

I am completely fit and could run a marathon tomorrow

I always look elegant and never loll about the house in old jeans and polo shirt.

I never wine

Rinouchka Mon 23-Jan-17 13:09:13

I've been honoured with a damehood
And the French Légion d'Honneur
And the Nobel Peace Prize
And The Nobel Prize for Literature
And the ManBooker
And the Costa
And the Pulitzer
And Rear of the Year....

For my many talents, humanitarian work, literary output, and posterior.

Now I am going to lie down.

Jane10 Mon 23-Jan-17 13:14:23

I am the first black female Pope but they have substituted a stunt double for public appearances.

Maggiemaybe Mon 23-Jan-17 13:38:06

Aren't we a bonny lot, and so very accomplished? Who knew? grin

shysal Mon 23-Jan-17 13:46:44

I am slimmer than all of you so far, I am an 8. My body, including my chin, is hair free apart from that on my head, which is luxuriant chestnut without a trace of grey.
I am divorced and single, but enjoy the company of several friends with benefits, being irresistible to men.

Greyduster Mon 23-Jan-17 13:57:27

I am a graceful, willowy 5'6" mountain climbing concert pianist who holds the record for the biggest salmon ever caught with a road and line. I speak fourteen different languages and fly my own private Lear jet! And my nose is now four feet long! grin

Anniebach Mon 23-Jan-17 13:57:37

I love housework

Am brilliant at spelling

Have a fantastic memory for names

Watched Grumppa play for Wales at Cardiff Arms Park many times

DanniRae Mon 23-Jan-17 13:58:03

I am a size 18
I am quite lazy and house is a mess
Hair is brown with a grey stripe across the top
I eat all the wrong food and hardly ever exercise
(I feel I am missing the point of this thread ??) confused

shysal Mon 23-Jan-17 14:24:08

grin You are obviously perfect in real life DanniRae!

Jalima Mon 23-Jan-17 14:35:22

I have never and do never swear, not even in any of the 15 languages that I speak fluently

Greyduster wink

KatyK Mon 23-Jan-17 14:47:31

I am 39
I have lovely hair
I have lovely teeth
I am a size 10

M0nica Mon 23-Jan-17 14:48:11

I have exquisitely perfect handwriting.

The Great Sewing Bee turned me down as I was just too good a needlewoman.

I can ride a bike with confidence and skill

I speak fluent French and German

(as you may have guessed, I am dyspraxic)

Jalima Mon 23-Jan-17 14:49:46

As I was saying before you all interrupted me -

When I won the Grand Slam for the third time .....

Jalima Mon 23-Jan-17 14:51:05

...... there were more crowds lining the streets applauding me than there were at Trump's inauguration

modest smile